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by ray miller
Sun May 11, 2008 2:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Surface Thoughts
Replies: 6
Views: 769

Re: Surface Thoughts

Thanks for the comments. The poem is and must remain vague, the corpse has not yet been found and I'm not about to give any more clues.... Actually, it's not that opaque, the "theme" being the death of a close relationship and how such traumatic events colour our perceptions. The misbehaving mind re...
by ray miller
Thu May 08, 2008 11:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Surface Thoughts
Replies: 6
Views: 769

Surface Thoughts

So you're leaving this evening of August in the silence succeeding sunset with the ocean spread open before us and our skin superficially wet from the splinters of sea that are splashing on this sand which we briefly impressed. In the twilight the first star is flashing, is it sending out signs of d...
by ray miller
Fri May 02, 2008 11:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Emptiness pervades within
Replies: 7
Views: 830

Re: Emptiness pervades within

That's most perceptive, barrie, especially as I'd forgotten where this had originated myself! It has all come flooding back. The line "sentences both short and long" nods in acknowledgement at the uneven metre,which I'd noticed in Eliot's work-or some of it. I have to agree about the third line, don...
by ray miller
Thu May 01, 2008 11:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Emptiness pervades within
Replies: 7
Views: 830

Emptiness pervades within

It fills the room and strokes each wall, a stale and stagnant, smoky pall as if the seasons stalled and stuck late autumn, and time lay still awaiting its' post-mortem. Soft moans escape from rambling lips, the sound of silk on fingertips. Sweat congregates upon my skin yet emptiness pervades within...
by ray miller
Thu May 01, 2008 11:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Just about bees
Replies: 22
Views: 1648

Re: Just about bees

hello tom this lack of punctuation is growing on me but maybe we could be rid of the capitals as well did e e cummings forgo capitals and punctuation or just the capitals?
lots of little subtleties in your stuff particularly liked gold and power queen and honey (country?) well done ray
by ray miller
Thu May 01, 2008 10:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Stuffed Love
Replies: 8
Views: 934

Re: Stuffed Love

Hi, I got the impression that the poem was about someone physically disabled but with a fully active and sound mind and the dilemmas which ensue. It would be interesting to know what is intended by "near cripple". Wouldn't the third line read better as The dinner plates are out in all their finery? ...
by ray miller
Thu May 01, 2008 1:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: eats leaves
Replies: 10
Views: 966

Re: eats leaves

Hello Tom, I know next to nothing about haikus or what has been said of your lack of punctuation, it makes the reader work harder doesn't it and allows greater rein to the imagination? No bad thing, and I think your lines interpretation affected by the absence of punctuation are mighty impressive. F...
by ray miller
Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Humanist Funeral Rap
Replies: 10
Views: 1168

Re: A Humanist Funeral Rap

Thanks for the comments, very helpful and interesting. Don't know whether it is apparent or perhaps blindingly obvious but I did actually read this at my father's funeral, at least a slightly shorter and different version. I did rehearse it endlessly with my children as audience, wore a trilby hat a...
by ray miller
Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Humanist Funeral Rap
Replies: 10
Views: 1168

A Humanist Funeral Rap

This is meant as a token of filial affection, I hope it isn't taken in another direction. All these sat down sad frowns ain't what's wanted talking on tiptoe like the place was haunted! He paid no heed to the creed of spirit and ghost, there's just us - just once - and you have to make the most... I...
by ray miller
Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Upon Harriet Island
Replies: 9
Views: 959

Re: Upon Harriet Island

I think the point about the sky is that it can appear to be serene and calm despite turbulence etc. as the effortless elegance of swans belies activity beneath the surface. That said I'd assumed you were talking of birds of prey-another aspect of the non-human world. So what do I know? Thought the e...
by ray miller
Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: I'm glad you've lived
Replies: 8
Views: 919

Re: I'm glad you've lived

To me it reads a little envious and spiteful even, at least the final verse. Fat lady in a diner eating a pie-why the shamed face? First two verses I like but should it not be symmetry with rather than to?