Search found 5998 matches

by ray miller
Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fits and Jerks
Replies: 7
Views: 639

Fits and Jerks

He's ill at ease with talking therapies and is happier to take those good old-fashioned remedies, you can hear his body shake during ECT as he taps his feet to the sound of synthesisers; it's a retro beat down memory street and it really gets inside us. Though there isn't any evidence it works, have...
by ray miller
Tue Nov 11, 2008 2:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An old-fashioned sleeper
Replies: 11
Views: 728

Re: An old-fashioned sleeper

Yes, I can see that it would depend on how you say it, especially as I've just consulted an online dictionary and discovered what precisely half-rhyme means! Apologies for that! As for recording, that looks far too technichal for a clown such as I. What I do intend to do is attend open mic or perfor...
by ray miller
Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Beer Goggles
Replies: 8
Views: 789

Re: Beer Goggles

Not often I laugh out loud at a poem but this one did it!It made for an uncomfortable start, though, as I began believing age rather than time was being referred to, as most people will, I guess. Hops and yeast / Hopes and rising? I thought it was great. Isn't there a great deal of sexual innuendo o...
by ray miller
Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: old lady knitting
Replies: 4
Views: 537

Re: old lady knitting

I like this though I can't claim to wholly understand its meaning. First two lines brought to mind William Blake and then "bones not yet ashes that crack like webs unweaving", I think that's terrific and I enjoyed " a bird too close to midnight" and the ensuing line. The ending is a mystery to me. C...
by ray miller
Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Swingtime
Replies: 6
Views: 530

Re: Swingtime

Brilliance again, mate! So much to enjoy in this, I think Germany frothing at black stockings is superb, likewise Spain's "inquisitive, catholic gusto" "swing spoke-easy" and a cool and coked Hollywood. Only minor quibbles, isn't jazz more of an inarticulate child than otherwise? Also, "Italy lost h...
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An old-fashioned sleeper
Replies: 11
Views: 728

Re: An old-fashioned sleeper

I agree with what you say about half-rhyme, I use it myself. I just don't see that "stretch of" and "picture" is any kind of rhyme at all!
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Not a drop lost (revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 846

Re: Not a drop lost

I loved the first stanza, the alliterative effect of each line's final word almost convinces me that they are rhyming. After that I felt it lost that rhythm and its way, though it does take an interesting turn. Is everyone obsessed with sex on this site?
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I'm Your Clown
Replies: 8
Views: 667

Re: I'm Your Clown

jms Leonard Cohen has a song called I'm Your Man which this is loosely based on. Ours is a Dylan(me) v Cohen(her) household and there is meant to be much self deprecating humour within. Although, I actually did finish up in Casualty on our wedding day - no, it wasn't my wife - and, when our first da...
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I'm Your Clown
Replies: 8
Views: 667

Re: I'm Your Clown

Hello R I don't understand what you mean by "the beat count is little erstwhile in places".It's a send-up of Leonard Cohen, by the way, and probably needs to be sung, in the great man's inimitable style to be heard to best effect. Talking of double entendres, I told this joke to two people yesterday...
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Free Will
Replies: 14
Views: 1143

Re: Free Will

If you come from Birmingham it is natural to rhyme "again" with "everywhen", which I did straight away. It's the way you tell 'em as much as the way you write 'em.
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 9:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mea-culpa
Replies: 5
Views: 648

Re: Mea-culpa

I think "Your thoughts.." is correct. It conveys the impression that the loved one has paused to contemplate, perhaps in the midst of a painful conversation, thus providing the narrator with an opportunity to "push back the curtains..". Alternatively, I could be talking a load of crap. I liked this ...
by ray miller
Mon Nov 10, 2008 9:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tongues (revisited)
Replies: 9
Views: 734

Re: Tongues

This meanders far and wide and one effect of that is one is apt to forget where one started from until reaching the end. Maybe that's the intended effect. There are some delightful rhymes and phrases and I particularly liked " a shot at a shifting goal."
by ray miller
Sun Nov 09, 2008 11:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Premembrance Sunday
Replies: 7
Views: 544

Re: Premembrance Sunday

Very witty and pretty. For symmetry's sake you'd like to see something rhyming with tribes in the second stanza,
"kill neighbours with knives?"
by ray miller
Sun Nov 09, 2008 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I'm Your Clown
Replies: 8
Views: 667

I'm Your Clown

Today we celebrate our twenty eighth anniversary, I won't forget the day we wed and the queues in A and E. The doctor said it almost was a fatal injury, I ended up in stitches and I'm laughing still, you see. How long will it be before I come round? I'm your clown. You've given me a kitten and I gav...
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Rice Paper
Replies: 6
Views: 591

Re: Rice Paper

Hi I recall reading a few of your poems some months back and thinking what the fuck is all this about? Impenetrable was the posh word I'd have used. So I approached this with a fair amount of trepidation. However, though it took two or three essays I appreciated and enjoyed. Subtle internal rhymes t...
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An old-fashioned sleeper
Replies: 11
Views: 728

Re: An old-fashioned sleeper

You know, I have a problem with my writing. I'd like to be able to write a non-rhyming poem - just once would do - but each time I try I'm drawn inexorably back to rhyming -I can't help it. However, if you're able to rhyme stretch with picture I believe I can see a way forward! My other problem is t...
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 5:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An old-fashioned sleeper
Replies: 11
Views: 728

Re: An old-fashioned sleeper

It certainly calls to mind a certain kind of film that was popular in the forties and fifties and it is a beautiful, evocative poem. Some suggestions for what they are worth: lose "I'm" in S3 and replace 2nd "from" with "to". "a character of comic potential" rather than "a good bit of..." S6 "lot's ...
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:02 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Beginners, Recommendations and Ted
Replies: 28
Views: 3674

Re: Recommendations

And Emily Bishop, often neglected but not lacking in Street cred.
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:54 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Beginners, Recommendations and Ted
Replies: 28
Views: 3674

Re: Recommendations

Sylvia Plath! As a mental health nurse (soon to be retired, thank the Lord) I couldn't possibly agree with that. Suzanne would be drinking absinthe itself in no time at all and she'd have to switch from gas to electric which is not very affordable these days. As for these other contenders they're al...
by ray miller
Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:27 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Beginners, Recommendations and Ted
Replies: 28
Views: 3674

Re: Recommendations

Hello Suzanne, having read some of your stuff I would recommend Emily Dickinson.
by ray miller
Fri Nov 07, 2008 10:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Imaginary Friends
Replies: 4
Views: 452

Re: Imaginary Friends

R.Broath/Barrie, thanks for your comments. I've made some adjustments to accomodate the metre and I knew that the line which followed "search engines" was poor and that's been altered for the better, I hope. This did actually originate with my daughter making the comment I ascribed to her and it evo...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Pot-bellied
Replies: 6
Views: 582

Re: Pot-bellied

Is it about a pig?I know bovine is to do with cattle but in human terminology means stupid. I get the impression it is about a person or a type of person. The wristwatch and the bulging stomach are a neat analogy. I much prefer this revised, fleshed-out( pardon the pun) version.
by ray miller
Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reason
Replies: 8
Views: 733

Re: Reason

How about "never mind caught", I know you have "never" earlier in the line but still! "still less caught"! Thought the last line was very good.
by ray miller
Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the little anthropologist
Replies: 18
Views: 1271

Re: the little anthropologist

Hi I adore rhymes and rhythms such as these and though the metre does trip somewhat in places ( especially the fourth line) it remains an enjoyable and fascinating read. Best Wishes Ray
by ray miller
Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To Encourage The Others
Replies: 16
Views: 1417

Re: To Encourage The Others

Hello R another brilliant piece of work. All I'd find fault with is "our Nation's conscience shake" which sounds a bit forced. Why capitalise nation? The last two lines are wonderful, of course. Well done again. Ray