Search found 23 matches

by Sean Sweeney
Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gay Bashing
Replies: 7
Views: 810

Re: Gay Bashing

Sean This was a very uncomfortable read. You obviously felt passionately enough to want to write about it - that's justification in itself. Continue to be brave and write about what you believe in. I like your opening lines which establish a viewpoint for what is to follow. No doubt some of us are ...
by Sean Sweeney
Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gay Bashing
Replies: 7
Views: 810

Re: Gay Bashing

I think this has real potential - although I would agree with Elphin and try and not play the apologist - although I can understand why you would want to. :shock: :roll: :D It just seems to take away the authenticity of the story - I would sure keep on with this... :twisted: Thanks mate. I was actu...
by Sean Sweeney
Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gay Bashing
Replies: 7
Views: 810

Re: Gay Bashing

thanks for the reply. I do have a problem with grammer :oops: . Years of not sticking in at school took it's toll on me. But I'm attending collage courses etc. The cliches in the second part were on purpose, but have become less relevant as I redrafted. I just never took them out. Scared to butcher ...
by Sean Sweeney
Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gay Bashing
Replies: 7
Views: 810

Gay Bashing

This is a story I once heard off a nazi. I'm an anarchist, so this does not reflect my views on homosexuality. The story is quite brutal, so be warned. Gay Bashing The viewfinder follows homosexuals on the run A sickeningly pixelated viewfinder, acts As crosshairs. At work laughing, at how they ran ...
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Displays Fleeting Signs of Promise
Replies: 6
Views: 696

Re: Displays Fleeting Signs of Promise

I rather enjoyed this. the full stops however, I dont really see the point in them and they are extremely distracting. It seemed like it could also be a bit sharper. Like Dave said, some bits are quite witty, but fails to be consistantly snappy. Bit of re-writing, could be very dark and funny. Some ...
by Sean Sweeney
Sat Nov 10, 2007 6:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Teenteaser
Replies: 6
Views: 685

Re: Teenteaser

Not that I'm a teacher, but very easy to relate to. I worked briefly as a classroom assistant and also tutored some classes on photography. Being young myself, it's hard to appreciate being a teacher, until it's experienced. Not my cup of tea.

Love the structure and the easy flow throughout the poem.
by Sean Sweeney
Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Road Side Graffiti
Replies: 8
Views: 743

Re: Road Side Graffiti

Cheers for the crit. The negative stuff is usually the useful stuff anyways. The last verse, I agree it feels totally detatched. But there's something there that I want to keep. Something about spending money to change the seasonal look in ones garden. As for protecting the brand name, nah. I just t...
by Sean Sweeney
Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Road Side Graffiti
Replies: 8
Views: 743

Re: Road Side Graffiti

Apathetic dis-approval is more appropriate than "lashing out". Haha.
by Sean Sweeney
Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Road Side Graffiti
Replies: 8
Views: 743

Re: Road Side Graffiti

Yeh, several mistakes. I intended to go to preview then re-read, to spot mistakes. But I pressed submit by accident. :oops:

EDIT: Just discovered the edit function. I feel like and old fart.
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Nov 05, 2007 11:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Road Side Graffiti
Replies: 8
Views: 743

Road Side Graffiti

Road Side Graffiti Feeling lonely and slightly ill But I can't complain, they are assembling some new billboards That’ll take away my blues. Billboard stories, I must adhere to. Better be quick They change daily. I have a choice to grow, anti-consumerist bones But I'll wait To finish my swell can o...
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: H.U.B.
Replies: 7
Views: 717

Re: H.U.B.

Hey. Another poem that kind of grabs me. I'm really enjoying your work. You seem to really convey disatisfaction with modern life. Sorry my replies are so skimpy, I'm never really sure what to say. But the poems of yours which I've read, I've been able to relate to a great deal. You convey important...
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gropecunt Lane
Replies: 14
Views: 1436

Re: Chance

Hi merlin.

I really liked this. The images created are excellent and the words are cleverly arranged.

I'd second that "Gropecunt Lane" would make a better title.
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:07 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: New Radiohead Album
Replies: 7
Views: 15779

Re: New Radiohead Album

Trust me the new album is great. I had to listen to it a few times, but after the third time I was in love with it.
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Oct 29, 2007 4:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)
Replies: 9
Views: 1193

Re: Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)

ioan I'll address you first. Thanks for your criticisms. First of all I am very sorry that this has offended you. As I said this has no religious meaning, and I in no way intended to shock by using the Christian god in such a song. you said "The ending resembles a bad dream, it’s time to wake up and...
by Sean Sweeney
Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)
Replies: 9
Views: 1193

Re: Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)

Move it to the lyrics section if you wish. I guess that's where it belongs. I posted it here, because it's one I have alot of trouble with. It means alot to me but I'm struggling to turn it into something decent. Thanks for the comments. Nice to see many radiohead fans *waves.

Sean Sweeney
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)
Replies: 9
Views: 1193

Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus)

I've chosen the first poem I want to put up. It was originally a song that i wrote for my band. This goes some way to explain the disjointed clumsy feel, as we are readiohead-esque. Anyway enough talk. (I am an atheist btw, so no religious meaning in this at all) Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus) To wa...
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Life’s A Drag
Replies: 5
Views: 551

Re: Life’s A Drag

I really liked this. I dont "really" smoke anymore. every now and then I do and this is how I feel when I spark up. A kind of morbid guilt, for killing myself is such a pathetic way. Dont know if that's what you're aiming for, but that's what it reminds me of.

Sean
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 28, 2007 6:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Entrepreneurial Connotations
Replies: 6
Views: 760

Re: Entrepreneurial Connotations

I'm not really sure what to say about it. I really liked it. It reminds me of a Subterranean Homesick Blues type of song. Sorry it aint much.
by Sean Sweeney
Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: B-Polar Blues
Replies: 11
Views: 1275

Re: B-Polar Blues

Hey, this is my first crit and I'm in no way educated on poetry. I feel an urge to post on this one. Reason being a friend of mine suffered from bi-polar and I spent allot of time with him growing up. I feel this poem caught his "negative" moments perfectly. Some of the things he did were... well I ...
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:23 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Hello
Replies: 13
Views: 2006

Re: Hello

Thanks again. I will get reading shortly. Just been doing some stuff for work and collage recently. I'll also look out my Edwin Morgan book, flick through that again. Maybe get something a bit better during the week. Hopefully be giving opinions on stuff by the end of the week. Thanks again for the ...
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 21, 2007 5:33 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Hello
Replies: 13
Views: 2006

Re: Hello

Thanks. I have read very little poetry. Only some by Norman McCaig and Edwin Morgan. So suggestions would be appreciated.
by Sean Sweeney
Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:36 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Hello
Replies: 13
Views: 2006

Re: Hello

Thanks for the welcome. It seems like a friendly enough place. =]
by Sean Sweeney
Sat Oct 20, 2007 1:08 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Hello
Replies: 13
Views: 2006

Hello

Hello to everyone, my name is Sean Sweeney. Before I get into any details, I'd like to say, I'm not the most efficient writer. I'm not too good with grammar or spelling. I never really read poetry and I'm not sure if what I write can be considered poetry. Since I was about 13 I started writing. It w...