Search found 114 matches

by azathoth
Sun Nov 18, 2012 7:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Hoarder (edited)
Replies: 14
Views: 497

Re: The Hoarder

As for the form, not only do the cluttered sentences emulate the content, but the idea that poems should, or do, have a requisite 'look' is preposterous. I liked the feeling when this shifted gears, Pseud, right at "But he is too late". Afterwards, the short and persistent commas create an interesti...
by azathoth
Fri Nov 27, 2009 1:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: "Look at my penis, I mean... poem."
Replies: 3
Views: 231

"Look at my penis, I mean... poem."

Mistakes keep all their body parts together, when re-membered. When I tried to show the family a video during the holidays once, of holidays we once had been on, I forgot I had recorded over it (with silly songs improved while shirtless watching t.v.). When, embarrassed because of my singing, I turn...
by azathoth
Thu Nov 26, 2009 5:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Take a cup of water
Replies: 25
Views: 735

Re: Take a cup of water

Is it necessary to italicize the first stanza? I see that it presents an introduction to the hypothetical poem world, but, since you bring the cup with you through the later stanzas, there does not appear to be a meaningful distinction between the italicized and non-. Well written, I would say, as i...
by azathoth
Thu Nov 26, 2009 5:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Forward motion
Replies: 6
Views: 234

Re: Forward motion

I agree that this could amplified by additional thoughts, and/or by pairing down and focusing. --------------------------- Released pressure jolts the floor beneath my feet, knees bend, hands grasp at the railing, fingertips slide along aged wood as the train begins its forward roll. ---------------...
by azathoth
Fri Feb 01, 2008 5:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ah, that feels right.
Replies: 3
Views: 330

Ah, that feels right.

Milk dew and monkeys allow a question. Requests also sometimes are left unanswered. Never can a pair be more predictable. If the infuriating fire fuels fricative thoughts. All will lit, er, ate, ive. Laughter too, will alight, always assuming; assimilation of numinous person specific neurological th...
by azathoth
Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dylan dreams about the door (redraft)
Replies: 11
Views: 612

Re: Dylan dreams about the door (redraft)

I'll do you one better, I even know what song the title references =P ha! I'm not there OBVIOUSLY! ah this is a cool poem I wish I had written it
by azathoth
Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Resemble
Replies: 5
Views: 606

Re: Resemble

so as to stanza 1: very arresting story unfolding immediately, succinctly intriguing. What use is the punctuation though? I'm not sure that you mean to say that the mourners neglected to adorn the smoke, the absent fluting interval, the unblossoming flowers etc.? it doesn't logical or grammatical se...
by azathoth
Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: "I used to write poems."-revised
Replies: 12
Views: 586

Re: I used to write poems.

I hear you oranggunung, I haven't really connected all of the events together very well. I considered associating the different images under a more defined banner, beyond the "way" I used to write poems. But as Camus noticed that is the essential theme of the poem. So I'm playing around with restruc...
by azathoth
Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: "I used to write poems."-revised
Replies: 12
Views: 586

"I used to write poems."-revised

-------------- Revised ------------- I guess its like the way streetlights only make the night gloomier. Or like when the rain begins to fall; that delicate moment when water droplets dance along the surface before joining into puddles. How the yard looked through the back window past my fingertips ...
by azathoth
Tue Oct 23, 2007 9:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Saturday afternoon and early evening
Replies: 5
Views: 349

Re: Saturday afternoon and early evening

Hm, the sad-bad rhyme in the first two lines almost makes me not wanna read the whole thing, which is retarded, because the whole things is pretty damn cool. So why rhyme sad with bad? I guess it could provide a sense of the triviality of the speaker's reflections, but the use of "noxious" nixes tha...
by azathoth
Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Karl from the Corporation
Replies: 10
Views: 497

Re: Karl from the Corporation

Ugh I wanna read this a few more times before I say something petty about it but I can't help it...
just kidding!
hahaha
seriously though
by azathoth
Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fandangular
Replies: 18
Views: 832

Re: The Fandangular

errr uh?
I guess those with their heads in the gutter can see only shit... I thought this was about one or many variations of the "arabian goggles" hmm what the heck is a pantomime horse?
gee I feel creepy
hahaha
by azathoth
Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fandangular
Replies: 18
Views: 832

Re: The Fandangular

oh...
...
hahaha
this is excellent. you really should have put a huge warning in the title, though i suppose "fandangular" is warning enough.
good job
lol
hilarious
by azathoth
Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The artifice
Replies: 14
Views: 657

Re: The artifice

is this describing a drive through the countryside? a floating whirling deadness seems like car exhaust to me. I remember in Humboldt's Gift by Saul Bellow the narrator remarks that looking at the beautiful or idyllic countryside he noticed "maya's veil growing thin" in other words that the illusion...
by azathoth
Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reviews and Editing Posts.
Replies: 4
Views: 13291

Re: Are you doing enough reviews??

many forums insist on a thriving, constructive environment. but it is not necessary to operate order: you take out what you put in -the big black stick- for every one. With effort, from time to time, quite hidden in this place required to recieve. but, in future, achieving will be everyone's account...
by azathoth
Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi, Nice to Meet You!
Replies: 4
Views: 247

Hi, Nice to Meet You!

Still-born conversations never
able to gasp "hello"
because of teratogenic
averted eyes,
the results of staring matches I
wage with unkowning strangers
and always lose.
Each face illuminated by
the brilliant electric glow
of a glimpse at shuttered emotions
being closed.
by azathoth
Tue Sep 04, 2007 7:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Grey Painter
Replies: 2
Views: 265

Re: The Grey Painter

I really appreciate the first stanza, clever descriptions and connections, I especially like the characterization of his paintings as a beehive "tasting sweet with a relish of wonderment". However I think the whole poem could benefit from some tightening up; the lines barrie pointed out, and: "That ...
by azathoth
Tue Aug 21, 2007 3:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ibis
Replies: 11
Views: 511

Re: Ibis

Excellent really, I love the lists and associations, and though I basically agree with the removal of the last two lines, it's a shame you can't find something similar which isn't so dramatically anti-climactic, I suppose it isn't really necessary the other details work on their own. incidentally my...
by azathoth
Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: to pseudonymous
Replies: 2
Views: 303

to pseudonymous

When__I try to sound it out, I can't.
Will___someone let me know, when
You___say it is it supposed to
Be____like "Sue Don Imus"? I take it
Back,_sounds more like air hiding in the wind.
Pseud_sounds like that, or maybe im imagining
?
----------
why cant i get the spaces to show up when i post this?
by azathoth
Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Deadlands
Replies: 21
Views: 1182

Re: Deadlands

the gaps in between the empty parts? haha thats a pleasantly bleak perspective!
by azathoth
Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:11 pm
Forum: Barrie's Poems
Topic: Deadlands
Replies: 21
Views: 1015

Re: Deadlands

the gaps in between the empty parts? haha thats a pleasantly bleak perspective!
by azathoth
Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7526
Views: 769380

Re: Haiku Train

quilted by nature
and then jilted by winter
they filed for divorce
by azathoth
Thu May 24, 2007 11:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Traffic Report
Replies: 7
Views: 748

man you gotta watch Godard's "Weekend" for some pretty amazing scenes of roadways and traffic... probably the most surreal 80 mile long traffic accident ever lol.
by azathoth
Thu May 10, 2007 5:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nihil sunrise
Replies: 3
Views: 460

Thank you Kris! Well I wrote a bunch of stuff this year in varying veins, but when I came back to my old friend, Bob Dylan, I listened and read some of his amazing sprawling poem/songs. I decided to take a trip on a figurative train, with a definite destination (that being the historical aproach to ...
by azathoth
Wed May 09, 2007 4:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nihil sunrise
Replies: 3
Views: 460

Nihil sunrise

It all started like this: The wine cloud's Hell flavored tears, falling like X-rays through a liger's convoluted skeleton, relished the part that was lion, and continued for what must have been years. The storm warning sirens scared a pair of big cats to confusion aboard Noah's Ark, while, at the h...