Search found 2486 matches

by Elphin
Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coevals
Replies: 13
Views: 595

Re: Coevals

This certainly caught the mood of the season for me, not Christmas but New Year with its mix of nostalgia and looking forward. And a modern sonnet to boot! You know i would niggle if I could but I can’t, this is perfectly formed in all aspects; in tone, in word choice ( the mundane watercourse to th...
by Elphin
Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jerry Can (Revision 2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1220

Re: Jerry Can (revised)

I like the conceit Luke. I vote for the longer lines, I think the tone of the poem is one that would benefit from a regular metre. Worth a try? And maybe some pruning of excess but to make the right cuts I would let it marinade in its entirety for a week or so, For some reason the Jerry can image is...
by Elphin
Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Under the Porch Light
Replies: 6
Views: 591

Re: Under the Porch Light

Just picking up line 2 is very similar to the well known Robert Burns lines from Tam O Shanter

But pleasures are like poppies spread,
You seize the flower, it's bloom is shed;
Or, like the snow falls on the river,
A moment white, then melts forever.”

elph
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Freya (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 873

Re: Freya

Sorry to have to second that... I think we need more clues Luke.

Norse goddess of love?

Elph
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Edge Top
Replies: 30
Views: 2403

Re: On Edge Top

I think the short lines are particularly effective in building the tension in this. I didn’t know who Alice Glaston was but by the end of the poem and seeing in memorium I had guessed she had been hung so that means the poem worked. I agree with others about the “I’m sure she knows line” .... it’s n...
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)
Replies: 4
Views: 476

Re: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)

Thanks Mac, Luke and NQS

Two poems in one year is almost prolific for me :D

NQS - your close reading is highly appreciated. I think I will pick up almost all your points. Very helpful. Does poetic licence allow me to overlook Heinrich... damn wiki!!!

Cheers elph
by Elphin
Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Submeowpow
Replies: 7
Views: 638

Re: Submeowpow

Clever, and visually appealing.

I pondered over it longer than I do most "regular" poems

elph
by Elphin
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)
Replies: 4
Views: 476

The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)

The Grand Old Duke of York in this procession is played by the Grander and the Greater Margrave of Meissen, Conrad he had ten thousand men I exaggerate. His men were fewer but somewhat more majestic; 35 margraves, electors, dukes and kings of the House of Wettin, tiled along the wall of the Augustu...
by Elphin
Sun Sep 02, 2018 8:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the sidewalk bench outside The Tearoom
Replies: 7
Views: 494

Re: the sidewalk bench outside The Tearoom

Quite exquisite.. beautiful elegiac tone but never sentimental. The contrasts are clever.. fall/spring, diamonds/prayer beads. I am sure it won’t be to everyone’s taste to have to parse the poem themselves, but for me it was part of unravelling the package to find what was inside. For a British read...
by Elphin
Sun Sep 02, 2018 6:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday
Replies: 13
Views: 714

Re: FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday

“Elbow of confusion”.... kind of sums up the responses :D

I take the point, this is bordering on obscure. I will work on that.

Thanks for the feedback... @Perry I don’t mind rewrites, sometimes it’s easier to explain that way.

Cheers

elph
by Elphin
Fri Aug 31, 2018 12:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday
Replies: 13
Views: 714

Re: FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday

Thank you This was a slightly whimsical reflection on a banner hung at our local town hall,as it does every year. Does Fiddlers "Rally" translate, it is a concert where a group (often very large) of only fiddlers play. My rumination was what a different message would be conveyed by FIDDLERS, RALLY! ...
by Elphin
Tue Aug 28, 2018 8:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: In Gay Bar Hell
Replies: 21
Views: 1216

Re: In Gay Bar Hell

Now I am no Frost expert so let me take The Road Not Taken as one I am familiar with. I agree it’s conversational but the conversation is elevated by meter and rhyme to start with, including subtle changes in meter to enhance the conversation. These alone make it memorable. The last couple of lines ...
by Elphin
Tue Aug 28, 2018 8:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The craft of Bernard Leach
Replies: 11
Views: 773

Re: The craft of Bernard Leach

Thx Bing... got it
by Elphin
Tue Aug 28, 2018 4:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: In Gay Bar Hell
Replies: 21
Views: 1216

Re: In Gay Bar Hell

Hello Perry You are correct subtlety should not be confused with obscurity. Maybe there is a continuum from straightforward to obscurity via subtle. I hate obscure, the too clever by half but I know I enjoy an observation or an idea expressed deftly and that respects the reader. Take David’s apparit...
by Elphin
Mon Aug 27, 2018 6:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday
Replies: 13
Views: 714

FIDDLERS' RALLY - Saturday

FIDDLERS’ RALLY ........................ Saturday It was the carefully placed apostrophe, an elbow of inclusion, the deliberate lack of an exclamation mark that caught my pedant's eye. It was the casual but confident economy of Saturday stamped at a jaunty angle, it’s whispering script, that spared ...
by Elphin
Mon Aug 27, 2018 6:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The craft of Bernard Leach
Replies: 11
Views: 773

Re: The craft of Bernard Leach

A poem that provokes thought.

I like the movement implied by "through" so wouldn't want you to lose that.

I understand that there is more "weight" behind the vase; history, foundations etc etc. but my knowledge of pottery isn't enough to understand the significance of stone. Help!

elph
by Elphin
Mon Aug 27, 2018 6:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: In Gay Bar Hell
Replies: 21
Views: 1216

Re: In Gay Bar Hell

Hello again Perry I was somewhat reticent to offer feedback. You said you bring your poems here close to fully formed. Anyway offered in the spirit of how one reader saw it. As you say it is fairly straightforward poem but for me it moves from straightforward to unsubtle. Why do i say that? First, y...
by Elphin
Mon Aug 27, 2018 6:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Loss - an exercise in comparative epistemology (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 612

Re: Loss - an exercise in comparative epistemology

I like a poem that challenges me to think and this one did. I knew the words so that helped! Surplice of mizzle is just sublime and washing the wading birds quite delightful I took from the poem something quite simple.... we are and we act on what we know and experience. The eastern folk know the su...
by Elphin
Sun Aug 19, 2018 9:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My mother's apparition
Replies: 15
Views: 1060

Re: My mother's apparition

Hello David For me pretty much what Mac said in the first reply. I think the real strength in this poem is its shortness and its tautness but more how the emotional impact changes almost line by line It starts with an "aww" moment, (mum returning in a dream), the coif making it slightly surreal then...
by Elphin
Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tracey Emin Said
Replies: 10
Views: 573

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Thanks Jackie Interesting take, I actually didn’t mean to focus on that or even consider it when she said what she said but I think that is a good thought. As to stress changes, yes there are. As much to elevate us to dream land as anything else and of course the words in v3 come from our three prot...
by Elphin
Sat Aug 18, 2018 6:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Petals in the Wind
Replies: 25
Views: 1110

Re: Petals in the Wind

Hello again Perry Apologies for my lack of clarity. First of all it’s exactly what this forum is for, to engage in discussion of technique, so appreciate you engaging. What I was trying to articulate is that when a number of critiques are suggesting excess words and pointing out the ending on an adv...
by Elphin
Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Petals in the Wind
Replies: 25
Views: 1110

Re: Petals in the Wind

Perry What I find useful is to write the poem free of the constraints of structure and then once it says what you want it to say parse it into lines and verses in a way that adds to the "mere" words. The other way to do it, I worry leads to padding to make words fit a pre-defined structure-- e.g put...
by Elphin
Fri Aug 17, 2018 10:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Petals in the Wind
Replies: 25
Views: 1110

Re: Petals in the Wind

Hello Perry As David said exemplary in posting and critiquing... I think we can learn as much from critiquing as writing. It forces us to confront our own prejudices and by articulating what does and doesn't work we also improve our own writing. Overall for me, yes a nice reflective meander and to b...
by Elphin
Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tracey Emin Said
Replies: 10
Views: 573

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Thanks all Larkin as a creative writing lecturer, there is a play or a poem in that? What I find interesting is the easy stereotyping of the "professions" how a complex spreadsheet or well drafted lawyers letter is seen as artistically inferior to flamboyance and the creative "types". Toads of fun o...
by Elphin
Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ffynnon Lloer
Replies: 8
Views: 446

Re: Ffynnon Lloer

A well painted picture, Luke and maybe because I had just read some Edward Thomas I know what Mac means. I wonder if chiaroscuro could be used later in the poem. The combe, the geese, the clouds, the chougs for me are all part of the light and dark. Then a contrast to the bilberry and ling and purpl...