Search found 2502 matches

by Elphin
Tue Aug 20, 2019 5:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Robert Dudley - The Knot Garden (revision4)
Replies: 31
Views: 810

Re: The Knot Garden (revision2)

Hey Mac

I think it’s a pronunciation thing

Counter - feet

Counter - fit

You say tomato.... I say tomatto

Cheers

elph
by Elphin
Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madonna in the Mosque
Replies: 12
Views: 457

Re: Madonna in the Mosque

Riverrun, Jules, Jackie and Luke, I appreciate your time and feedback

elph
by Elphin
Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Blues & Pinks (V2 formerly Let Yourself Go)
Replies: 9
Views: 295

Re: Let Yourself Go

Hello bjL

A performance piece? I can hear it. Rip roaring abandon.

"nibble your food" ... very understated compared to the rest.

Enjoyed

elph
by Elphin
Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Robert Dudley - The Knot Garden (revision4)
Replies: 31
Views: 810

Re: The Knot Garden (revised)

Hello Mac A poem that reads like a riddle. I too got the Dudley reference although I couldn't remember his name. Might be a difficult poem without this background. Would Dudley's Knot Garden as a title help the reader? There is a feeling of a Shakespeare play about the poem with lots of word play .....
by Elphin
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dreams
Replies: 7
Views: 278

Re: Dreams

Hello Perry I hear this poem more as a performance piece than written verse. I think it needs tonality of voice to land well. I see you believe it to be raw, raw is probably a good quality in an “anger” poem. For improvement, I would look at stanza lengths. It had nice 4 line start then deviated, I ...
by Elphin
Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blandings in Ayrshire
Replies: 13
Views: 444

Re: Blandings in Ayrshire

I have read this back and fire over the week. It grows on me even though the literary references are not ones I specifically know. However that PG Wodehouse Englishness is sufficiently in our national psyche ideas like Plummy a wonderland are easy to reference. I like the Aunts and gongs. Are there ...
by Elphin
Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sun-Struck (decided on final version)
Replies: 11
Views: 352

Re: Sun-Struck (decision made)

Hello Perry You have made your decision and I agree it’s a good version. So just a couple of comments The praline and vanilla beach image is a great image. The closing verse and in particular the closing couplet is very atmospheric. Can I niggle on one point? ..sand-seared sun-worshippers...... I am...
by Elphin
Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madonna in the Mosque
Replies: 12
Views: 457

Re: Madonna in the Mosque

Thanks all for passing by and the comments @mac — I agree I could probably go to metaphor and reduce the likes @ James m - I will take poignant sadness, it was certainly one of the feelings I was hoping to express @nqs — appreciate the close reading. Let me reflect on your points about naming distri...
by Elphin
Wed Aug 07, 2019 7:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madonna in the Mosque
Replies: 12
Views: 457

Madonna in the Mosque

Last night in my half sleep, I imagined we’d walked from the Blue Mosque to the Hagia Sophia, a short distance in the November rain. Above us, the cupola was hovering, like a welcome umbrella, over the mihrab and the minbar; in the apse the Mary and child mosaic, yellow and blue, like a bruise on th...
by Elphin
Wed Aug 07, 2019 7:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On looking, again, into Kelly's Dictionary of Manks (1805)
Replies: 12
Views: 348

Re: On looking, again, into Kelly's Dictionary of Manks (1805)

Very nice.... has its own sense of place which is important for me at least. Love the steaming midden ... evocative... and the definitions. Would the Manx words be useful? Perhaps, but not a big issue for me as it’s enogh to know that there are words for incestuous marriage etc. Quibbles, I am not s...
by Elphin
Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Contrary Head revisited
Replies: 10
Views: 388

Re: Contrary Head revisited

I am not sure this is working old fella. In typical David style it starts off elegiac and then a slight sense of the ridiculous with the Arthur swan ride and the Wurlitzer. All good and well with the approach .... but I think to really land it the ridiculous needs to be extended, something disclosed...
by Elphin
Tue Jul 30, 2019 10:01 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Elphs Echoes
Replies: 5
Views: 361

Re: Elphs Echoes

Spot on Seth.. inspired by the Crofters Trust and one of the first community land buy outs sometime in early 90s.

MacCaig holidayed and visited Assynt many times. A Man in Assynt is as you say one of his few (only?) long poems. Maybe not his best but certainly heartfelt

Elph
by Elphin
Tue Jul 30, 2019 9:56 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Leaf's wreaths
Replies: 22
Views: 1073

Re: Leaf's wreaths

As a lifelong MacCaig fan... he came to our school to talk poetry sometime around 1976 (ish) I am enjoying these tributes One of my favourites [url]https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/aunt-julia/[/url] Also worth a read by Andrew Greig is a wonderful book At the Loch of the Green Corrie......
by Elphin
Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:53 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Elphs Echoes
Replies: 5
Views: 361

Elphs Echoes

Another one from the past inspired by NM Perspectives (Reading MacCaig while Dylan strums) Suilven, Torridonian, claims to be not a Munro, to be well short of a Corbett. He's a pyramid, a pillar, a leopard-skin pill-box hat, How many years can a mountain exist before it's washed to the sea? an agele...
by Elphin
Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:41 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Antcliff's Carrier Cart
Replies: 5
Views: 307

Re: Antcliff's Carrier Cart

Well that made me smile, I love the voice, not dowdy just worldly wise

And ... a NM poem i wasn’t so familiar wit

Elph
by Elphin
Thu Jul 25, 2019 5:51 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Dave's faves
Replies: 15
Views: 477

Re: Dave's faves

One of my all time favourites. Easy to imagine the odd pieces of straw as lightnings. You may recall my own take on Summer Farm Zen Calvinism in the Farmyard (after Summer Farm by Norman Maccaig) I am not just a one eyed hen, pecking at nothing at all. I am a worker, searching among these scratching...
by Elphin
Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coevals
Replies: 13
Views: 804

Re: Coevals

This certainly caught the mood of the season for me, not Christmas but New Year with its mix of nostalgia and looking forward. And a modern sonnet to boot! You know i would niggle if I could but I can’t, this is perfectly formed in all aspects; in tone, in word choice ( the mundane watercourse to th...
by Elphin
Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Jerry Can (Revision 2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1495

Re: Jerry Can (revised)

I like the conceit Luke. I vote for the longer lines, I think the tone of the poem is one that would benefit from a regular metre. Worth a try? And maybe some pruning of excess but to make the right cuts I would let it marinade in its entirety for a week or so, For some reason the Jerry can image is...
by Elphin
Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Under the Porch Light
Replies: 6
Views: 711

Re: Under the Porch Light

Just picking up line 2 is very similar to the well known Robert Burns lines from Tam O Shanter

But pleasures are like poppies spread,
You seize the flower, it's bloom is shed;
Or, like the snow falls on the river,
A moment white, then melts forever.”

elph
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Freya (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1058

Re: Freya

Sorry to have to second that... I think we need more clues Luke.

Norse goddess of love?

Elph
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Edge Top
Replies: 30
Views: 2865

Re: On Edge Top

I think the short lines are particularly effective in building the tension in this. I didn’t know who Alice Glaston was but by the end of the poem and seeing in memorium I had guessed she had been hung so that means the poem worked. I agree with others about the “I’m sure she knows line” .... it’s n...
by Elphin
Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)
Replies: 4
Views: 579

Re: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)

Thanks Mac, Luke and NQS

Two poems in one year is almost prolific for me :D

NQS - your close reading is highly appreciated. I think I will pick up almost all your points. Very helpful. Does poetic licence allow me to overlook Heinrich... damn wiki!!!

Cheers elph
by Elphin
Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Submeowpow
Replies: 7
Views: 785

Re: Submeowpow

Clever, and visually appealing.

I pondered over it longer than I do most "regular" poems

elph
by Elphin
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)
Replies: 4
Views: 579

The Fürstenzug (Procession of Princes)

The Grand Old Duke of York in this procession is played by the Grander and the Greater Margrave of Meissen, Conrad he had ten thousand men I exaggerate. His men were fewer but somewhat more majestic; 35 margraves, electors, dukes and kings of the House of Wettin, tiled along the wall of the Augustu...
by Elphin
Sun Sep 02, 2018 8:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the sidewalk bench outside The Tearoom
Replies: 7
Views: 632

Re: the sidewalk bench outside The Tearoom

Quite exquisite.. beautiful elegiac tone but never sentimental. The contrasts are clever.. fall/spring, diamonds/prayer beads. I am sure it won’t be to everyone’s taste to have to parse the poem themselves, but for me it was part of unravelling the package to find what was inside. For a British read...