Search found 98 matches

by Sid
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: This Can't Be Real
Replies: 13
Views: 793

Re: This Can't Be Real

I cant help but feel this is every over exaggerated conversation regarding Trump. Poetry to me is finding an angle and exploring it. The is just a rant which has tried to be plugged into poetic form. Good luck with it, I understand the subject matter is appealing to many but to me you need to work o...
by Sid
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An Aging Rhyme
Replies: 5
Views: 664

Re: An Aging Rhyme

Thanks for your comments.

I have found it extremely difficult to replace pantomime however I do agree it was not quite right in this context.

The poem has been rewritten and the monotony of the rhyme has been broken at the apex as we change from our prime to our slow decline....
by Sid
Sun Jan 05, 2020 8:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: We are all human
Replies: 5
Views: 854

Re: We are all human

Hi Lil, Welcome to the forum. Where are you from? This poem is very simply set out and appealing. I like it’s format and the message it conveys. My only query is hearts getting sold. Doesn’t quite fit the poem. I like the image however the poem does not seem to be going in this direction. The poem d...
by Sid
Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Colour
Replies: 8
Views: 644

Re: Colour

Thanks for sharing Ray. A realistic point in time where old beliefs face new dynamics.

I especially like how they agree to let him in but just not give him tea. Absurd.

Great topic and a courageous attempt to address it from a poetically neutral point of view.
by Sid
Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the epitaph
Replies: 9
Views: 832

Re: the epitaph

Hi Lotus,

Me again! 😊

Consider moving “in some other country somewhere” to below “nomads on the perrons”, and shifting the remaining lines down.

Not sure how that impacts on the visual form of the poem, but will make the poem read more smoothly.
by Sid
Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the epitaph
Replies: 9
Views: 832

Re: the epitaph

Hi Lotus, I really like your style of poetry it is refreshing and unique. If I may offer some commentary, I would suggest to revisit the end of the poem. ”In some other country somewhere It could have been summer Or New Year’s Eve” The epitaph is so convoluted that it bores the listener to another p...
by Sid
Wed Jan 01, 2020 10:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Purple People
Replies: 4
Views: 511

Re: Purple People

Hi Sleepy, I like this poem. It reads well and has some good elements. Refer to my critique below: Never you mind Interesting start, However does not develop whether we should mind as much as I’d like. The poem should revisit this theme near the end to close this loop. tickled tongues, talking throu...
by Sid
Thu Dec 26, 2019 9:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fascination - was prev Negotiating Political Discourse
Replies: 3
Views: 373

Re: Fascination - was prev Negotiating Political Discourse

Miles and Poet,

I agree I was playing with a format inspired by a poem here.

I have now rewritten to be a lost moment of desire. Still a bit clunky but matches the wording better in my opinion.
by Sid
Thu Dec 26, 2019 8:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Repaired v2
Replies: 16
Views: 993

Re: Repaired

Hi Not, I really enjoyed this poem, thanks for the read. I would suggest replacing “Your Younger Self”. It appears a little out of place and over poetic. Maybe substitute “memories” or “lost memories “ instead. On the other hand, poetically I kind of like “effaces” especially the way it reads with c...
by Sid
Tue Dec 24, 2019 3:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fascination - was prev Negotiating Political Discourse
Replies: 3
Views: 373

Fascination - was prev Negotiating Political Discourse

V1 Lingering in thoughts from my imagination stunned by the aroma of her scent I stand on the precipice of hesitation Struggling to overcome my fascination Her beautiful image filling this moment Lingering in thoughts from my imagination. Awaiting the signal, an indication eye contact, a gesture or ...
by Sid
Tue Dec 24, 2019 2:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An Aging Rhyme
Replies: 5
Views: 664

Re: An Aging Rhyme

Thanks Miles, Yes I am but a spring chicken. So must then be a fantastic poet!! 🧐 I am at the phase where our parents are all passing away, so observing from a distance this time. However I did come close myself once or twice but obviously not from aging... Thanks for the commentary I have amended T...
by Sid
Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An Aging Rhyme
Replies: 5
Views: 664

An Aging Rhyme

V2 Father Time within life’s fabric Intertwined, always present to birth the divine. Lifts us up into our Prime, there with us whilst we climb. Reaching the apex he turns away slowly draining we trek the decline, closes his eyes and weaves his twine, squeezes our breath one final time. He marks the ...
by Sid
Sun Dec 22, 2019 8:54 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Festiveness
Replies: 6
Views: 3747

Re: Festiveness

Merry Christmas to you too David.
by Sid
Sun Dec 22, 2019 10:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodbye Mum
Replies: 0
Views: 828

Goodbye Mum

Eyes that sparkled
Teeth that smiled
a lively laugh
brightened every room.
A warm white coat
Comforted a child
Always there
by my side.
Mouth twisted open
Sucking her last breath
Now eternal nothingness
Resting in death.
Her ashes dispersed
Last year past
Though memories live on
As long as I last.
by Sid
Sun Dec 22, 2019 6:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cat Long (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1443

Re: Cat Long (revision)

A carcophony
of catatonic cats
catapult
towards
Catastrophe.
Meow.

BJ
Although I have a cat I’m not really fond on cat poems. Unless of course it’s Dr Seuss. With that in mind it is with caution that I would recommend tackling this subject matter.

You did however inspire me to respond in kind!
by Sid
Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:49 am
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Happy festive period to everyone
Replies: 8
Views: 2072

Re: Happy festive period to everyone

Happy holidays and merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. Stay safe and enjoy yourselves.
by Sid
Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Let There Be Light
Replies: 3
Views: 352

Re: Let There Be Light

Hi Mike,

I would like to see you expand this to a longer piece to challenge yourself bring multiple images together.

There’s a lot more that could be explored here.

As it stands it is a tad shy of developing the full image and message you intend.
by Sid
Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Aubergine (revision)
Replies: 10
Views: 806

Re: Aubergine.

An eggplant poem. Well I never! I like the squidgy reference very apt. Not a fan of eggplant myself so not the target audience. Not sure why you ask forgiveness in the poem. Is it for being pretentious? Potentially could expand the poem to reflect more of this aspect to provide the poem with more au...
by Sid
Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Short of the Moon (V3)
Replies: 14
Views: 1013

Re: Short of the Moon

As a space buff with so much opportunity for poetic exploration I struggle to overcome my expectations for this poem. Apologies It didn’t engage me. The moon and space offers so much opportunity, as do mechanical issues and failures. Try to evoke some more emotion or elicit some excitement. Really s...
by Sid
Tue Dec 10, 2019 7:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wolves from Yellowstone
Replies: 16
Views: 1205

Re: Wolves from Yellowstone

Thanks all for comments. Love the feedback. This is a style I have not attempted before so am finding it challenging. I keep working on it. I have changed rhyme scheme in L3. JJ as much as I love gore as you do that is not the intent of this poem and very difficult to capture in this format. Maybe a...
by Sid
Fri Dec 06, 2019 8:04 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Facing the Matterhorn (revised)
Replies: 7
Views: 923

Re: Facing the Matterhorn

Wonderful JJ.

As a kid I live in Switzerland and the Majestic Matterhorn was a regular sight when we went on our ski trips.

Beautiful.
by Sid
Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:51 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Congratulations to Ray - London Grip
Replies: 4
Views: 611

Re: Congratulations to Ray - London Grip

Congratulations Ray!!!
by Sid
Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: No title (Retort of the Devil - revised)
Replies: 12
Views: 991

Re: Retort of the Devil (political/religion)

Mike, I like the adjustment it reads a lot more easily (although unfortunately loses the added biblical reference.) The end still baffles me a little, I’d prefer something pointing more clearly to the meaning such as: “Pass heaven’s bridge Unaware that they were made in MY image” Also when you amend...
by Sid
Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Writing a Poem
Replies: 4
Views: 581

Re: Writing a Poem

Thanks Jules for your comments I have adjusted the poem on reflection. I love cerebrate definitely incorporated that one into the poem.
by Sid
Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wolves from Yellowstone
Replies: 16
Views: 1205

Re: Wolves from Yellowstone

Hi Not, Thanks for your review. What's the difference between the opening an closing couplets? I can't tell. the opening couplet is negative. The hunting wolves need to be eradicated/ controlled. Farmers complained about them and many thought the park would be safer without them. At the end the wolv...