Search found 1083 matches

by Wabznasm
Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unfinished slam dunk aphorisms
Replies: 20
Views: 1061

Re: Unfinished slam dunk aphorisms

I really like it Geoff. I would go with David, however, and say that there is definitely some space for some of you in there, too. Make some stuff up, I say.

Great start though
Dave
by Wabznasm
Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gone
Replies: 34
Views: 1848

Re: Our Sun Is As Cold As Ice

This discussion is fantastic.
by Wabznasm
Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:31 pm
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 491
Views: 162217

Re: Who's reading what?

Raisin, the readable introduction to Wuthering Heights in the modern penguin edition is an excellent place to start reading about academic writing and that book.
by Wabznasm
Tue Oct 20, 2009 12:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ouija Body
Replies: 11
Views: 651

Re: Ouija Body

Just a quick thanks to both of you. This'll go through some revisioning in my head very soon.

Oskar - glad it had a sort of weird, haunting effect on you.

Og - I was expecting you to pull apart the logic of it! That randomness (it's not, but it seems to be) must be dealt with, I agree.

Dave
by Wabznasm
Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:23 pm
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 491
Views: 162217

Re: Who's reading what?

Wow, that is a name. It's nearly as good as my favourite odd name, Mannekin Pis. The poor chap who writes the Brussels Diary section in the current affairs magazine Prospect is unfortunate enough to be lumbered with that stinker.

Anyway, back to books. Onto Buddenbrooks next.
by Wabznasm
Mon Oct 19, 2009 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ouija Body
Replies: 11
Views: 651

Re: Ouija Body

Ha! That was quick. Ok, perhaps it is a little stranded at present, seeing how it's without any real referents. I was just trying to do an enigmatic write where the details would sort of add into each other, and the process, which appears without much narrative direction, sort of communicated its ow...
by Wabznasm
Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ouija Body
Replies: 11
Views: 651

Re: Ouija Body

So I've gotta ask everyone: is this just shit? A shame, I'm really fond of it. Thanks for your comments e. I think speaking in tongues is a bit generic, and it doesn't link like gut feelings do to what's gone before (it's a bad pun, really), but I have been playing with the idea of something more, s...
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 17, 2009 9:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ouija Body
Replies: 11
Views: 651

Ouija Body

The poem's gone to spell itself in a magazine submission. Sorry!
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woman, shelved
Replies: 11
Views: 589

Re: Woman, shelved

Shows how people like different things then because the beer bottles were by far the best bit for me. Quite memorable, in fact.
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:09 am
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 491
Views: 162217

Re: Who's reading what?

David, is that the one where Romulous talks to chickens for the entire play? Or something along those lines? It sounds great.
by Wabznasm
Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:20 pm
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 491
Views: 162217

Re: Who's reading what?

It ain't that good. Reading a lot of German stuff at the mo, too, and eagerly reccomend the newish Measuring the World by Daniel Kehlmann, and (an oldie) The Visit by Friedrich Duerrenmatt. Bloody great, both of them, and both easy to get in translation. (Die Vermessung der Welt and Der Besuch der a...
by Wabznasm
Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Mostly sky
Replies: 13
Views: 592

Re: Mostly sky

While I'm not sure whether the gusto of the conclusion quite matches the argument, I think this is rather good Ros. I'm all for writing about the body, and this does it pretty well, because it satisfyingly defamiliarised everything. I've got a quick one or two bits however. Firstly, I'd love, love ,...
by Wabznasm
Fri Oct 16, 2009 6:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woman, shelved
Replies: 11
Views: 589

Re: Woman, shelved

Brian, while I think this does do something interesting with the bit about the money in the end (and that church door imagery IS marvellous), I have a feeling this lacks a little of your usual verve. I find the topic (woman, displaced) a little over trodden, and the rather literal approach (instead ...
by Wabznasm
Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The observer effect
Replies: 7
Views: 432

Re: The observer effect

Ah, poetry's answer to friends! This is fun, Bodkin. I would question the commas on the first lines of each stanza, but other than that this did its job. Humourous, with a point.

Dave
by Wabznasm
Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman (revised)

I like it. A lot more than vultures, especially because of the mild ambiguity in it now. And I'm not sure if alliteration is always a bonus ;).
by Wabznasm
Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Mt. Rainier
Replies: 15
Views: 1175

Re: Mt. Rainier

eeeeeeeeeeee I think others have done a good job of the unindented parts, as I tend to agree that they could be cut a little bit. While reading them I thought that they'd be marvellous if in short story/flash fiction format, but I don't see them being in a poem problematic. My only limited but eager...
by Wabznasm
Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman (revised)

I disagree with Stuart about the birds... I think the end does need something, and the birds are an excellent choice, especially since you set up the smbolism of them in the beginning. The poem doesn't need them, but I think it can certainly use them. I just think you need a metonym for the birds ra...
by Wabznasm
Sun Oct 11, 2009 5:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Odd Extinction of God
Replies: 9
Views: 650

Re: The Odd Extinction of God

Well thanks to everyone who put more thought into this than I did. It's just a fun(ish) sonnet about concerns that still interest me, and I hoped to get the odd chin stroke and the odd smile, and it looks like I got both. It's really got nothing about God in it though; I'm not perplexed by the probl...
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 10, 2009 6:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Odd Extinction of God
Replies: 9
Views: 650

The Odd Extinction of God

And on the seventh day sat a tired God playing computer games. Biting his lip, farting occasionally, he squeezed the pad like a shy clitoris, and his mind stepped through every corridor she did, Ms. Croft, as they unlocked temples and slaughtered lions. His feet vanished in Wii tennis, he lost his t...
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 10, 2009 3:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fish out of water
Replies: 14
Views: 636

Re: Fish out of water

Oof, quite an unforgiving thing about relationships/incompatibility/etc, this. I like the mutual suffocation! If there was something in this I'd try and pick up on, it's that I think you are overcooking the fish a little. I think you're slamming it into the reader too much that you are a fish, espec...
by Wabznasm
Sat Oct 10, 2009 3:35 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: I came third!
Replies: 11
Views: 998

Re: I came third!

Great job NIcky, I would've loved to have come down for it. Who was the judge? Was it that Lawrence bloke again? Or Patricia D?

So that's the top 5 in two poetry competitions, eh? Terrific.

Dave
by Wabznasm
Fri Oct 09, 2009 3:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman

You could make it less self-consciously gothic by referring to the coming dawn and birds (it's six am) and leaving the name of the tweeting bird unsaid.
by Wabznasm
Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman

And I fear you over-estimate mine ;). I think title is too close, then, to the Heaney original. Maybe you can erase Woman and make this about something else? It would'nt hurt. I'm able to look at this another light now, but i still like the one I was seeing originally.
by Wabznasm
Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman

Don't change the title Ros, it'll change this far too much. I wrote a big response to this feminity discussion but deleted it, since I didn't feel the forum needed such a pontificating post about ethics and politics, but all I will say is that without the feminine voice this poem does something poli...
by Wabznasm
Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tollund Woman (revised, revised once more)
Replies: 50
Views: 2377

Re: Tollund Woman

Wow Ros, great idea, and for the most part amazing execution. This has a depth that I see quite rarely on here, as if you could plow into it and find things for days. Great. It's a great montage of the bog poems too, the title/concept with Tollund Man, the noose with Punishment, the slit throat with...