Search found 2874 matches

by arunansu
Tue Jun 14, 2011 2:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Birds- revised x2
Replies: 21
Views: 686

Re: Birds

Raisin, Your poem has promise, yet it remains somewhat vague beneath the veil of intricate imagery. I like the reference to "wings", he desire to fly (from reality?), but its not exactly clear to this reader the reference to an aircraft near the end of your piece. The visuals of crows, geese, and ae...
by arunansu
Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: new girl friend
Replies: 6
Views: 443

Re: new girl friend

Gavin,

As Ros has mentioned, this is dangerous stuff! Maybe there's a typo in L1?

"Holding a six-pac of horse steroids (beer) motivational serum, a tropical ambulance"
- Engaging, but rather long. :mrgreen:
by arunansu
Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Am I an Idiot?
Replies: 18
Views: 788

Re: Am I an Idiot?

Kevin, The problem with your poem lies in S3-4 which are sounding too prosaic and cliched. I'm sorry but I feel you have to re-work on this part. You may refer to Star-trek to make it sound more interesting. As is, its a bit flat. But I'm sure a re-work would help. Regarding the title, I think "Refl...
by arunansu
Sat Jun 04, 2011 1:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the rock wren song (Tanka)
Replies: 14
Views: 498

Re: the rock wren song (Tanka)

Dear John,
Maybe Arunansu doesn't respond to what he doesn't want to read?
- Well, an innovative way of catching attention indeed. :mrgreen:

Dear Richard,

I always believe that my own hide is thicker than an alligator! :twisted:

Dear Kevin,

Thanks for being here and replying. Smiles.
by arunansu
Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the rock wren song (Tanka)
Replies: 14
Views: 498

Re: the rock wren song (Tanka)

Thank you Richard and John for your showing your interest in my poem. Dear Richard, As far as I know, though there may be various schools on Tanka, the first 3 lines are objective and the last two subjective ones. It is perhaps about a personal loss and the aftermath. The April is just the name of a...
by arunansu
Sun May 29, 2011 11:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the rock wren song (Tanka)
Replies: 14
Views: 498

Re: the rock wren song (Tanka)

Thanks Gavin. Thanks for the warmth. Smiles.
by arunansu
Sat May 28, 2011 4:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Before you (rewrite2).
Replies: 22
Views: 769

Re: Before you (rewrite).

A much better revision, Richard. You have added clarity to your piece. However, I worry about L1. Could it be :

I bathe in a moment
of golden sunlight....
?

- I really like the opening. More power!
by arunansu
Sat May 28, 2011 4:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the rock wren song (Tanka)
Replies: 14
Views: 498

Re: the rock wren song (Tanka)

Thank you John. I feel Lake has already given you my reply. Smiles.

Lake,

I love this place. I was busy work-shopping haiku and tanka. So didn't quite find the time. I wrote some general verses also. Hope everyone is doing fine here.
by arunansu
Fri May 27, 2011 2:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lost For Words
Replies: 13
Views: 489

Re: Lost For Words

Enjoyed your poem, Ray. Sometimes we do think "we've arrived" and then find "we haven't", don't we? Smiles.
by arunansu
Fri May 27, 2011 2:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Conspiracy Theory (Edited)
Replies: 27
Views: 849

Re: Conspiracy Theory (Edited)

Geoff,

I enjoyed the tale. I hope you won't mind if I say that the rhyme of "piratical" and "theatrical" sounds forced in my ears? The rest is .. scotch whiskey! Neat! :D
by arunansu
Fri May 27, 2011 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Before you (rewrite2).
Replies: 22
Views: 769

Re: Before you.

Richard, I feel your piece has promise, only, you need to do a bit of trimming as Suzanne has so nicely done for you. There can be another way of looking at it: my glass top table throws beams of reflected moonlight through my living room where it echoes of the wall, my 26 year old single malt scotc...
by arunansu
Fri May 27, 2011 2:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the rock wren song (Tanka)
Replies: 14
Views: 498

the rock wren song (Tanka)

in the prayer hall
sandalwood incense
continues to burn
that slow April
and the rock wren's song
by arunansu
Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bucky Fuller Said (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 426

Re: Bucky Fuller Said

Kevin,
The ending left a lot to be desired. As David has said, you scripted two fine strophes S1 and S2. After them S3 comes as a bit of downer.Otherwise, a great write.
by arunansu
Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the river
Replies: 6
Views: 280

Re: the river

Enjoyed it Gavin. Particularly the second half.Love the descriptions.
by arunansu
Sun Mar 13, 2011 1:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7524
Views: 753679

Re: Haiku Train

she studies his back
so many of the bricks
withwering
by arunansu
Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New forum - Finishing Touch
Replies: 7
Views: 694

Re: New forum - Finishing Touch

Nice to hear this. I've been out of action from here. Wanna be back. Smiles.
by arunansu
Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Tunes (rewrite)
Replies: 9
Views: 327

Re: Old Tunes (rewrite)

Kevin,

Its a bit surprising to start a poem deliberately with cliches. I loved your overall approach, but sadly, I miss imagery. I'm not a 'police' or anything, but an admirer of your works.

Best,

Arunansu
by arunansu
Sat Jan 15, 2011 5:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Weight.
Replies: 9
Views: 405

Re: Weight.

Lovely read, Shi Tong. Your 4th? I'm craving to read your 40th! Smiles. Enjoyed.
by arunansu
Sat Jan 15, 2011 5:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Your turn (a.k.a. The game of love)
Replies: 27
Views: 1014

Re: The game of love

I must say I like the idea behind the poem(and yes it IS a poem), Nicky, and the words repeated cleverly. Enjoyed.
by arunansu
Sat Jan 15, 2011 5:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Philippine Violet
Replies: 5
Views: 250

Re: Philippine Violet

Thank you Nicky and Nash. I have removed L2 and "for ages". Yes they were redundant. Regarding the structure I have to think over again. However thanks for being here and helping me. Smiles.
by arunansu
Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Philippine Violet
Replies: 5
Views: 250

Philippine Violet

we are mauve petals wavering in late afternoon the winter creaks like any other loneliness a dried up firmament deadened as archaic rocks numb shadows irk me there's no waterfall to talk to we live alongside a milestone masked with dead moss gazing at an empty road i recall the last clatter of horse...
by arunansu
Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Moorings
Replies: 19
Views: 689

Re: Moorings

I feel Suzanne, that 'alarm of the gull' would make it better, as it goes well withe the 'stillness' all around. Love the 'alarm'.

Smiles.
by arunansu
Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Moorings
Replies: 19
Views: 689

Re: Moorings

Delightful read, I loved the visuals and your phrasings, especially "covenant gray". Thanks for the read. Enjoyed.
by arunansu
Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An Observation
Replies: 10
Views: 388

Re: An Observation

Ahh, Nicky, the old war of Love and Hatred. Difference is of just one single word! Cleverly told. I liked "walking on her feet" - sort of emphasizing her mood. Enjoyed.
by arunansu
Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: parsnip soup
Replies: 6
Views: 327

Re: parsnip soup

Liked the poem on first reading, Stuart. Will come back to this and try to share my views.