Search found 223 matches

by Poet
Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Struggle
Replies: 3
Views: 266

Re: My Struggle

Thanks and when I meant white coat doctors, yes, and yes I wanted to say these hands have experienced death before. I wasn't a fan of this poem because it is way too melodramatic.
by Poet
Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 3
Views: 348

Re: The End to Slavery

Thanks I will! I've sent this poem before it has been through some revisions, thanks for the review though.
by Poet
Mon Jul 06, 2020 2:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: It’s Something Celestial
Replies: 1
Views: 219

It’s Something Celestial

At the museum I’ve been wanting to tell you, future wife, through a sweet letter about my feelings through a celestial painting. With an image of Jesus and his apostles around a kitchen white table with fingers being pointed and bickering at him, (does Jesus have to sit)? I ponder and ponder about t...
by Poet
Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 3
Views: 348

The End to Slavery

Run from the white man! He has whip in his hand. Run from the white man! He has murder on his mind. Run from the white man! What will he do next? Run from the white man! He will tie you to a noose. And lynch you for always. He will kill you in your sleep. If you do retaliate Kill his people first, t...
by Poet
Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: I would Listen
Replies: 2
Views: 176

Re: I would Listen

Is this supposed to be a a love poem but with subtle undertones?
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 5:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Struggle
Replies: 3
Views: 266

My Struggle

Please don’t hurt me! I am just a man You toss me in a mental hospital like i was nothing but scrap food. How dare you, you threw me to a ward and got me freaking out and running around the halls asking for help. I hate you, you put me to die! You put me to suffer in the hands of white The white lig...
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 251

Re: Bully

. Hi poet. I'd also agree that this piece is repetitious (though there's nothing necessarily wrong with repetition, depends how you use it). I don't know if this will help as I wouldn't claim to understand just what it is you're trying to convey (I'm not clear why N wants to be bullied), but ... Bu...
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 251

Re: Bully

Thanks guys for your suggestions, I will use them to revise a great poem such as this one, (at least I think it is) and go from there. Thanks again.
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 251

Re: Bully

All I can suggest is that you try to say more with fewer words. Economy is one of the hallmarks of good poetry. Make your point once, and then go on to the next point -- and when all the points are finished, the poem becomes a closed and completed circle of meaning. I'm not sure that what I'm sayin...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)
Replies: 2
Views: 817

Re: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)

Beautiful!
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Promise
Replies: 6
Views: 510

Re: Promise

1lankest wrote:
Sun Jun 07, 2020 8:55 pm
We sow wildflower seeds
there will be meadow
providing rain
This reminds of one of William Carlos Williams poems (I think it is called The Wheelbarrow) anyway you forgot periods in your poem, I like the directness of the piece. Thanks for sharing.
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 3:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 251

Bully

Throw me to the ground and bully me since you seem to be doing that to me now. Even in my dreams you push me away and give nasty remarks about how I feel. The hospital is white and green. The walls are bare shut and the doors are locked from the outside and in. This is something I desire to have. My...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 2:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 241

Re: Still

. Still it is not that our sins were quiet oceans filled their throats and wealth buys it own silence . Buys it own silence? That doesn't make any sense! Re-write this poem immediately, i like the oceans filled their throats line, good stuff, you are also missing periods too by the way. Anyway than...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Out Of My League - revision
Replies: 11
Views: 1179

Re: Out Of My League - revision

I don't get "into the drop of conferences", what does that mean? Well, on the one hand, The Conference is, or was, simply a lower tier of English football. On the other hand, The Conference, or more commonly The Conference Room is the section of public houses where men of a certain age meet on a re...
by Poet
Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 548

Re: Drink

I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 548

Drink

Take the holy water and drink it from it’s cup, Take the holy water and shower inside the house. Where there is a god, I do not know, Where there is a god, I dare not know, Take the holy water and dance with it’s power; Take the holy water and share with others. Do you dare use it’s magical ability?...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 541

Re: The Swell Mob

Thanks, fellas. Actually, I think I need another stanza which would be about The Swell Mob. I agree about the title but I love the name and there was such a band. Paul Weller created The Style Council after The Jam. Not dissimilar. It's a true-ish story. The Blondie incident is true, apart from the...
by Poet
Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
Replies: 11
Views: 1111

Re: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)

Revision Frightening to think of the miles of mines beneath our feet, its worked out seams emptied of coal, the lights turned out for good, with dark that haunts our dreams. Those cracks in the walls above the lintels; or how the ball rolls one way on the table shows that we are not level, that som...
by Poet
Sat Feb 29, 2020 4:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sno-Cone (v2)
Replies: 13
Views: 881

Re: Sno-Cone

. Sno-Cone You ask what I remember, and the truth is it isn't you, but the blank eye of a fish sucked clear of colour and set down with a click, like plastic, on the rim of a bowl. Rasping the moon-round cusp of a sno-cone, the syrup bright and arterial. Cold-bruised lips, a mouth happily numbed by...
by Poet
Wed Feb 26, 2020 6:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 849

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

. Hi Poet. It was supposed to be a heroic poem, about banding together and writing something that will change the world. Much like superheroes, a concept i had while listening to a kpop song Nothing wrong with the concept. Kpop on the other hand ... :) But you still haven't answered the 'why'. Why ...
by Poet
Wed Feb 26, 2020 3:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 849

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

. Hi poet. I rather agree with Eira about the numbers and the trimming. I'd also like the reason to 'gather round' be offered at the outset, to forestall the inevitable 'why (should I bother)?' The piece, to me, is confusing and doesn't seem certain of its own purpose. For instance, in 1. it moves ...
by Poet
Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)
Replies: 1
Views: 286

Re: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)

Any thoughts?
by Poet
Tue Feb 25, 2020 12:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1102

Re: Brood Parasites

Brood Parasites In meadow grass, a robin serenades on ivied stones. Beside this stage his hen investigates some boulders, then invades a crevice, moulding lichen for a den to lay her brood. Nearby a cuckoo’s call evokes the bubbling chuckles of his mate, who spies the nest ensconced within the wall...
by Poet
Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gather Around Writers & Novelists
Replies: 8
Views: 849

Re: Gather Around Writers & Novelists

capricorn wrote:
Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:53 pm
Hi Poet,

I think this needs a lot of trimming back to hold the readers interest. I also find the numbering of stanzas rather distracting. Hope this helps.

Eira
How much trimming?
by Poet
Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thunderhouse (Re-Write)
Replies: 1
Views: 286

Thunderhouse (Re-Write)

There was sound playing at the Thunder House where the Treble Kids played was the Thunder House Not the garage but out of this world, outer space themed shapes and thunder strikes Nothing could really outshine this moment other than the sound of electric guitars riffing through the air And the sound...