Search found 225 matches
- Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:29 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
- Topic: vignette / Mother is always right
- Replies: 1
- Views: 41
Re: vignette / Mother is always right
Interesting, what a funny little vignette. Post more please!
- Thu Dec 10, 2020 5:56 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
- Topic: A Conversation with Freud
- Replies: 0
- Views: 101
A Conversation with Freud
A Conversation with Freud By Yonathan Asefaw Freud, let me learn your ways to psychotherapy. Don’t get me wrong, your ethics are brilliant. But I feel like I might die in laughter from your patients. They seem to have problems left right and center. You think it is wrong to chuckle at someone’s des...
- Sun Dec 06, 2020 7:11 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Men Behaving Badly
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1637
Re: Men Behaving Badly
I don’t want to bore you with a litany of wrongs in the many small and important ways that add up skipping back over the times I was lashed in anger, fear and failure and failing to comport couldn’t report after what the feelings were or anything of the sort. What sort of human being can write that...
- Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:27 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: It’s Something Celestial
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1215
Re: It’s Something Celestial
Thanks for expressing your opinion on this poem and also for reading it (of course).
- Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:25 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The End to Slavery
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1498
Re: The End to Slavery
Hello from 'across the pond' First I wanted to let you know I can definitely feel the anger you are trying to portray. I also understand why you have chosen to write such an emotional piece as this subject seems to be all over the media these days. I am glad a subject can touch someone so much so f...
- Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:23 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: My Struggle
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2369
Re: My Struggle
Thanks but I have improved a lot since my time writing, I hope now you will see my better works.
-Yonathan
-Yonathan
- Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:32 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: My Struggle
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2369
Re: My Struggle
Thanks and when I meant white coat doctors, yes, and yes I wanted to say these hands have experienced death before. I wasn't a fan of this poem because it is way too melodramatic.
- Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:41 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The End to Slavery
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1498
Re: The End to Slavery
Thanks I will! I've sent this poem before it has been through some revisions, thanks for the review though.
- Mon Jul 06, 2020 2:17 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: It’s Something Celestial
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1215
It’s Something Celestial
At the museum I’ve been wanting to tell you, future wife, through a sweet letter about my feelings through a celestial painting. With an image of Jesus and his apostles around a kitchen white table with fingers being pointed and bickering at him, (does Jesus have to sit)? I ponder and ponder about t...
- Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:23 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The End to Slavery
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1498
The End to Slavery
Run from the white man! He has whip in his hand. Run from the white man! He has murder on his mind. Run from the white man! What will he do next? Run from the white man! He will tie you to a noose. And lynch you for always. He will kill you in your sleep. If you do retaliate Kill his people first, t...
- Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:24 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
- Topic: I would Listen
- Replies: 2
- Views: 410
Re: I would Listen
Is this supposed to be a a love poem but with subtle undertones?
- Tue Jun 23, 2020 5:34 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: My Struggle
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2369
My Struggle
Please don’t hurt me! I am just a man You toss me in a mental hospital like i was nothing but scrap food. How dare you, you threw me to a ward and got me freaking out and running around the halls asking for help. I hate you, you put me to die! You put me to suffer in the hands of white The white lig...
- Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:26 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Bully
- Replies: 6
- Views: 499
Re: Bully
. Hi poet. I'd also agree that this piece is repetitious (though there's nothing necessarily wrong with repetition, depends how you use it). I don't know if this will help as I wouldn't claim to understand just what it is you're trying to convey (I'm not clear why N wants to be bullied), but ... Bu...
- Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:18 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Bully
- Replies: 6
- Views: 499
Re: Bully
Thanks guys for your suggestions, I will use them to revise a great poem such as this one, (at least I think it is) and go from there. Thanks again.
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:19 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Bully
- Replies: 6
- Views: 499
Re: Bully
All I can suggest is that you try to say more with fewer words. Economy is one of the hallmarks of good poetry. Make your point once, and then go on to the next point -- and when all the points are finished, the poem becomes a closed and completed circle of meaning. I'm not sure that what I'm sayin...
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:07 am
- Forum: Post-a-Translation
- Topic: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)
- Replies: 2
- Views: 2741
Re: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)
Beautiful!
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:05 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Promise
- Replies: 6
- Views: 730
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 3:32 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Bully
- Replies: 6
- Views: 499
Bully
Throw me to the ground and bully me since you seem to be doing that to me now. Even in my dreams you push me away and give nasty remarks about how I feel. The hospital is white and green. The walls are bare shut and the doors are locked from the outside and in. This is something I desire to have. My...
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 2:04 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Still
- Replies: 10
- Views: 459
Re: Still
. Still it is not that our sins were quiet oceans filled their throats and wealth buys it own silence . Buys it own silence? That doesn't make any sense! Re-write this poem immediately, i like the oceans filled their throats line, good stuff, you are also missing periods too by the way. Anyway than...
- Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:49 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Out Of My League - revision
- Replies: 11
- Views: 1947
Re: Out Of My League - revision
I don't get "into the drop of conferences", what does that mean? Well, on the one hand, The Conference is, or was, simply a lower tier of English football. On the other hand, The Conference, or more commonly The Conference Room is the section of public houses where men of a certain age meet on a re...
- Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Drink
- Replies: 3
- Views: 671
Re: Drink
I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain...
- Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:37 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Drink
- Replies: 3
- Views: 671
Drink
Take the holy water and drink it from it’s cup, Take the holy water and shower inside the house. Where there is a god, I do not know, Where there is a god, I dare not know, Take the holy water and dance with it’s power; Take the holy water and share with others. Do you dare use it’s magical ability?...
- Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:31 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: The Swell Mob
- Replies: 5
- Views: 727
Re: The Swell Mob
Thanks, fellas. Actually, I think I need another stanza which would be about The Swell Mob. I agree about the title but I love the name and there was such a band. Paul Weller created The Style Council after The Jam. Not dissimilar. It's a true-ish story. The Blondie incident is true, apart from the...
- Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:14 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 1378
Re: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
Revision Frightening to think of the miles of mines beneath our feet, its worked out seams emptied of coal, the lights turned out for good, with dark that haunts our dreams. Those cracks in the walls above the lintels; or how the ball rolls one way on the table shows that we are not level, that som...
- Sat Feb 29, 2020 4:10 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Sno-Cone (v2)
- Replies: 13
- Views: 1169
Re: Sno-Cone
. Sno-Cone You ask what I remember, and the truth is it isn't you, but the blank eye of a fish sucked clear of colour and set down with a click, like plastic, on the rim of a bowl. Rasping the moon-round cusp of a sno-cone, the syrup bright and arterial. Cold-bruised lips, a mouth happily numbed by...