Search found 225 matches

by Poet
Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: vignette / Mother is always right
Replies: 1
Views: 41

Re: vignette / Mother is always right

Interesting, what a funny little vignette. Post more please!
by Poet
Thu Dec 10, 2020 5:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Conversation with Freud
Replies: 0
Views: 101

A Conversation with Freud

A Conversation with Freud By Yonathan Asefaw Freud, let me learn your ways to psychotherapy. Don’t get me wrong, your ethics are brilliant. But I feel like I might die in laughter from your patients. They seem to have problems left right and center. You think it is wrong to chuckle at someone’s des...
by Poet
Sun Dec 06, 2020 7:11 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Men Behaving Badly
Replies: 6
Views: 1637

Re: Men Behaving Badly

I don’t want to bore you with a litany of wrongs in the many small and important ways that add up skipping back over the times I was lashed in anger, fear and failure and failing to comport couldn’t report after what the feelings were or anything of the sort. What sort of human being can write that...
by Poet
Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: It’s Something Celestial
Replies: 2
Views: 1215

Re: It’s Something Celestial

Thanks for expressing your opinion on this poem and also for reading it (of course).
by Poet
Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 4
Views: 1498

Re: The End to Slavery

Hello from 'across the pond' First I wanted to let you know I can definitely feel the anger you are trying to portray. I also understand why you have chosen to write such an emotional piece as this subject seems to be all over the media these days. I am glad a subject can touch someone so much so f...
by Poet
Sun Dec 06, 2020 6:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Struggle
Replies: 5
Views: 2369

Re: My Struggle

Thanks but I have improved a lot since my time writing, I hope now you will see my better works.

-Yonathan
by Poet
Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Struggle
Replies: 5
Views: 2369

Re: My Struggle

Thanks and when I meant white coat doctors, yes, and yes I wanted to say these hands have experienced death before. I wasn't a fan of this poem because it is way too melodramatic.
by Poet
Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 4
Views: 1498

Re: The End to Slavery

Thanks I will! I've sent this poem before it has been through some revisions, thanks for the review though.
by Poet
Mon Jul 06, 2020 2:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: It’s Something Celestial
Replies: 2
Views: 1215

It’s Something Celestial

At the museum I’ve been wanting to tell you, future wife, through a sweet letter about my feelings through a celestial painting. With an image of Jesus and his apostles around a kitchen white table with fingers being pointed and bickering at him, (does Jesus have to sit)? I ponder and ponder about t...
by Poet
Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 4
Views: 1498

The End to Slavery

Run from the white man! He has whip in his hand. Run from the white man! He has murder on his mind. Run from the white man! What will he do next? Run from the white man! He will tie you to a noose. And lynch you for always. He will kill you in your sleep. If you do retaliate Kill his people first, t...
by Poet
Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: I would Listen
Replies: 2
Views: 410

Re: I would Listen

Is this supposed to be a a love poem but with subtle undertones?
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 5:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Struggle
Replies: 5
Views: 2369

My Struggle

Please don’t hurt me! I am just a man You toss me in a mental hospital like i was nothing but scrap food. How dare you, you threw me to a ward and got me freaking out and running around the halls asking for help. I hate you, you put me to die! You put me to suffer in the hands of white The white lig...
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 499

Re: Bully

. Hi poet. I'd also agree that this piece is repetitious (though there's nothing necessarily wrong with repetition, depends how you use it). I don't know if this will help as I wouldn't claim to understand just what it is you're trying to convey (I'm not clear why N wants to be bullied), but ... Bu...
by Poet
Tue Jun 23, 2020 4:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 499

Re: Bully

Thanks guys for your suggestions, I will use them to revise a great poem such as this one, (at least I think it is) and go from there. Thanks again.
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 499

Re: Bully

All I can suggest is that you try to say more with fewer words. Economy is one of the hallmarks of good poetry. Make your point once, and then go on to the next point -- and when all the points are finished, the poem becomes a closed and completed circle of meaning. I'm not sure that what I'm sayin...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)
Replies: 2
Views: 2741

Re: Two Poems from Bhartrihari (Sanskrit)

Beautiful!
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Promise
Replies: 6
Views: 730

Re: Promise

1lankest wrote:
Sun Jun 07, 2020 8:55 pm
We sow wildflower seeds
there will be meadow
providing rain
This reminds of one of William Carlos Williams poems (I think it is called The Wheelbarrow) anyway you forgot periods in your poem, I like the directness of the piece. Thanks for sharing.
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 3:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bully
Replies: 6
Views: 499

Bully

Throw me to the ground and bully me since you seem to be doing that to me now. Even in my dreams you push me away and give nasty remarks about how I feel. The hospital is white and green. The walls are bare shut and the doors are locked from the outside and in. This is something I desire to have. My...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 2:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 459

Re: Still

. Still it is not that our sins were quiet oceans filled their throats and wealth buys it own silence . Buys it own silence? That doesn't make any sense! Re-write this poem immediately, i like the oceans filled their throats line, good stuff, you are also missing periods too by the way. Anyway than...
by Poet
Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Out Of My League - revision
Replies: 11
Views: 1947

Re: Out Of My League - revision

I don't get "into the drop of conferences", what does that mean? Well, on the one hand, The Conference is, or was, simply a lower tier of English football. On the other hand, The Conference, or more commonly The Conference Room is the section of public houses where men of a certain age meet on a re...
by Poet
Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 671

Re: Drink

I hate to see poems go by without an answer, so I'm posting a comment here. My problem is that I don't really understand the poem. I think I know what you're trying to do in the poem, but I can't really relate to it since I am not Catholic and have no feelings about holy water. If you would explain...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Drink
Replies: 3
Views: 671

Drink

Take the holy water and drink it from it’s cup, Take the holy water and shower inside the house. Where there is a god, I do not know, Where there is a god, I dare not know, Take the holy water and dance with it’s power; Take the holy water and share with others. Do you dare use it’s magical ability?...
by Poet
Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 727

Re: The Swell Mob

Thanks, fellas. Actually, I think I need another stanza which would be about The Swell Mob. I agree about the title but I love the name and there was such a band. Paul Weller created The Style Council after The Jam. Not dissimilar. It's a true-ish story. The Blondie incident is true, apart from the...
by Poet
Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)
Replies: 11
Views: 1378

Re: Subsidence ( was The Abandoned)

Revision Frightening to think of the miles of mines beneath our feet, its worked out seams emptied of coal, the lights turned out for good, with dark that haunts our dreams. Those cracks in the walls above the lintels; or how the ball rolls one way on the table shows that we are not level, that som...
by Poet
Sat Feb 29, 2020 4:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sno-Cone (v2)
Replies: 13
Views: 1169

Re: Sno-Cone

. Sno-Cone You ask what I remember, and the truth is it isn't you, but the blank eye of a fish sucked clear of colour and set down with a click, like plastic, on the rim of a bowl. Rasping the moon-round cusp of a sno-cone, the syrup bright and arterial. Cold-bruised lips, a mouth happily numbed by...