Search found 255 matches

by Charles
Fri Apr 19, 2019 2:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ferret
Replies: 3
Views: 37

Re: Ferret

I liked this a lot ton,

Great use of sonics and meter - I can really imagine the scene of the over-excited animal.

closing/showing is perfect in the context of "moving his head from side to side".

Nice work.
by Charles
Fri Apr 19, 2019 2:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Depot
Replies: 2
Views: 30

Depot

Depot Starving hysterical naked, dragging… Not the best mind of my generation… I bared my brains to Dog-shit... Driven by resigned determination to get down to the 9 to 5 routine - Morrison’s groceries wait for no man. “Mr Grath, Please report to treatment room” Says the familiar tone. A monthly che...
by Charles
Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:40 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Format & Design versus Content
Replies: 7
Views: 423

Re: Format & Design versus Content

Well Perry, ordinarily I would leave such a comment be but as you said you wanted to discuss religion... *cracks knuckles* Nah, Honestly I don't know enough about buddhism to discuss really. :lol: Interesting article, and although tangendental to the argument about form and design - made me look up ...
by Charles
Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lycorine in the Living Room (revised)
Replies: 12
Views: 244

Re: Lycorine in the Living Room (revised)

Hi Mac, Really enjoyed this. Agree with camus about the underlying sinister feel about it which makes it very intriguing. Really enjoyed the sonics and feel in S1 in particular. As for the ending, well I love it because while it could be read as just adding to the sinister mood, what with the black ...
by Charles
Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Things to One’s Self (Was: In Search of Memories)
Replies: 7
Views: 230

Re: Things to One’s Self (Was: In Search of Memories)

Really enjoyed this.

Haven't much to build on the previous comment, but a a great little poem!

My only comment is that "bypassed" and "jet" made me think a war has bypassed the village, but I believe that's barking up the wrong tree in terms of meaning.
by Charles
Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Poet
Replies: 6
Views: 169

Re: The Poet

Hi Namya, I enjoyed this - a simple piece dealing with grand concepts but it works well. I can tell you're focusing hard on rhyming and meter, which are both crafts I sometimes struggle with so you have my admiration. I feel this would work well as a spoken piece for the above reasons, when I read i...
by Charles
Sun Apr 14, 2019 11:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Lapsed Catholic at Prayer
Replies: 7
Views: 197

Re: A Lapsed Catholic at Prayer

Hi All, Sorry I'm a bit late on the responses. Perry, yes I think that would make the piece much better - I'll see if I can find time to write in meter. I have written metered verse in the past but it doesn't always come naturally to me and requires quite a bit more effort. And yes talking about Rel...
by Charles
Mon Apr 01, 2019 10:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Lapsed Catholic at Prayer
Replies: 7
Views: 197

A Lapsed Catholic at Prayer

A Lapsed Catholic at Prayer Our Father who art in heaven What’s with the “our”? There is no-one beside me who I know is praying. Hallowed be thy Name Why this name, exactly? Isn’t it the most blasphemed? Christ! I did it again… Thy Kingdom Come A bit old hat, that. Isn’t a republic better? Or a parl...
by Charles
Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reflecting (revision)
Replies: 12
Views: 1278

Re: Reflecting

Hi JJ. Just to say I enjoyed this. Got me pondering on the meaning too. My first thought was that it was a reflection on an ethnic mix staring back at one in a mirror perhaps? Only that can't be right because aren't Galicians Celts? I know how many people (myself excluded of course :lol: ) don't lik...
by Charles
Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shine, Shine (was - The Problem of Being a Being)
Replies: 15
Views: 2105

Re: Heidegger's Eyes (3rd revision)

Hi Jules

I think the revisions are improvements. It's still a bit like a jigsaw puzzle though, in that I don't quite grasp the meaning of the last stanza. Maybe I'm thinking too hard...
by Charles
Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Millennial's Torch Song Ver. 2
Replies: 11
Views: 1713

Re: A Millennial's Torch Song

Thanks for taking the time JJ and I'm really glad you asked that question, because (like a few of my poems actually) I feel I'm throwing a few of our older members off by bringing in social media. I'm okay with Facebook, Charles. Carry on. I draw the line at Twitter, though. Cheers David Haha, than...
by Charles
Sun Oct 21, 2018 11:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tides
Replies: 12
Views: 1066

Re: Tides

Hi churinga,

Really liked this one. Simple, well crafted and effective. Don't have any crit really, but I thought I'd let you know I enjoyed this one.
by Charles
Sun Oct 21, 2018 11:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shine, Shine (was - The Problem of Being a Being)
Replies: 15
Views: 2105

Re: Heidegger's Eyes (revision)

Hi Jules, I really liked the first two stanzas, really sets a good tone and carries you along, "all transcendence is sex" is a very well delivered cynical line. "Heidegger's hacked the skies. Look into my eyes." is a great line and a neat internal rhyme as well. Although I don't know enough about he...
by Charles
Sun Sep 23, 2018 6:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Millennial's Torch Song Ver. 2
Replies: 11
Views: 1713

Re: A Millennial's Torch Song

Thanks for taking the time JJ and I'm really glad you asked that question, because (like a few of my poems actually) I feel I'm throwing a few of our older members off by bringing in social media. It's an interesting one because the whole social media thing was just kicking off when I was in my teen...
by Charles
Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Millennial's Torch Song Ver. 2
Replies: 11
Views: 1713

Re: A Millennial's Torch Song

Thanks all. Agree this isn't my best effort, but thank you for the comments. Thanks, Binz, for saying it has potential. Give me enough hope to set to work on a revision. I think S4 is particularly weak - thank you for picking out the lines you liked. Perry, I did look at that poem you posted - thank...
by Charles
Tue Sep 18, 2018 5:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Birds [language warning] (revision 3)
Replies: 21
Views: 2216

Re: Blackbird

I liked this JJ,

Enjoyed it more when I read the comments, my knowledge of ornithology leaves a little to be desired. :)

I count myself educated and entertained.
by Charles
Tue Sep 18, 2018 4:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Millennial's Torch Song Ver. 2
Replies: 11
Views: 1713

A Millennial's Torch Song Ver. 2

Revision 1 When I first met you it was an age ago, my love requited only for a certain length of time. You moved on - but you promised to be friends. Lived memories burn, as your promise is forgotten, but how much is there that’s new to see! Dead snapshots, true, but proof of life at least: Here, yo...
by Charles
Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Vespers
Replies: 12
Views: 1308

Re: Vespers

Not, Thanks for taking the time. Appreciate your comments. Tony, Rav and Mac, likewise. Taken on board and I will post a revision soon. Sorry it took me so long to get around to replying! Revision up. Always find revising the hardest part, as I'm never sure if what I'm doing is actually improving th...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Vespers
Replies: 12
Views: 1308

Re: Vespers

Hi Perry, Thanks for taking the time. Unfortunate the title seems to lead you down the wrong path, it's incidental to the poem which isn't really religious - just some a loose collection of N's reflection at dusk. I suppose I was going for a contrast between the very secular reflections and the reli...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:48 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Poems That You Love
Replies: 79
Views: 13699

Re: Poems That You Love

I have a real fondness for Brian Pattern. Come into the City Maud Maud, where are you Maud? With your long dresses and peachcream complexion; In what cage did you hang that black bat night? What took place in the garden? Maud, it is over, You can tell us now. Still lyrical but much used, you wonder ...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Stroller [a couple words changed]
Replies: 15
Views: 730

Re: The Stroller

Hi Perry, Really enjoyed it, as has been said - puts one in mind of Robert Frost which is, of course, a great compliment! Clearly great craftsmanship. I think novelty in imagery can be overrated when you are clearly doing so much with form, rhyme and meter. Ironically it's probably the most original...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:34 am
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: re-emerging
Replies: 8
Views: 1216

Re: re-emerging

Hi Binz, We've already discussed each other's poems in threads - but hello again, it's good to see you here! I too joined in 2006 which is scary, but haven't posted all that much and have also gone very long periods without being active at all. I must take this opportunity to say how gratified I am ...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 1357

Re: What no man may store in heaven - Revision

Many thanks, Binz for the crit. Yes, I am quite fond of the sonics of "double down bad beat" too. :) "spent" for "lent" is a good suggestion. I think "lent" is a hangover from when I was trying to work in an implication that the money was "lent" to him and N has just lost money that isn't his. But t...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:11 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: On Meeting A God (revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 894

Re: On Meeting A God (revised)

Hi Binz, Really enjoyed this. Gonna be that really annoying person that swans in late after you've all worked hard on revisions and declares he likes the original best. :) I think the flow is better, the first couple of stanzas set the scene and I appreciate the slow build-up to the reveal of what i...
by Charles
Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute
Replies: 10
Views: 686

Re: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute

Charles, funnily enough this is bang on ‘I suppose it would make sense if the loss is temporary, but maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself/lost in my deciphering.’ The poem was written during a temporary separation. I’ll wait to see what others think of palimpsest. I was pleased with it and even mo...