Search found 198 matches

by capricorn
Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 235

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)

Macavity wrote:
Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:49 am
Charming Eira, winsome, dreamy and domestic intimacies of joins and disconnects. Took me to check out the old Beatles' song.

best

mac
Thanks Mac, so glad you appreciate this. Yes, I've been reminiscing the Beetles' song too - nice trip down memory lane

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 235

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)

Not, I've not given this much thought yet. I think perhaps the second half needs more thought. :D

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 235

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)

I remember when you first posted this. I didn't comment on it then because I didn't really understand it. I guess it's a fantasy, but if so, I don't find it very entertaining. If it's an allegory, it doesn't seem to make much of a point. I can see that a child might like the poem, except that it is...
by capricorn
Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Replies: 10
Views: 401

Re: Dreamscape (new title & revision)

. Hi Eira, definite improvement, except for the final two verses. They offer nothing new: S6/L1-2 is basically a repeat of S1, and S7 of S5. Bit the bullet Eira, cut without mercy! :) Actually the title isn't that great, A Long Yea r? Hi Not, Agree about the title - have made a change. I've deleted...
by capricorn
Wed Sep 23, 2020 11:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Too Soon? (v2b)
Replies: 17
Views: 278

Re: Too Soon? (v2b)

Hi Not, You've just reminded me that Xmas will be here sooner than we realise! :shock: This is a pleasure to read. I like the way the title comes after the beginning stanza - yes that's growing on me. Very original. I like 'Santa chimneying' - nice way of putting it. Altogether a nice light hearted ...
by capricorn
Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 235

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)

Hi Not & Trevor,

It's such a long time since I posted this one but here is my first revision. Thanks for your very useful suggestions.

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Replies: 10
Views: 401

Re: At a Distance (revision)

. Hi Not, I nearly didn't come back to this - but that's not me! My internet returned as suddenly as it disappeared (not behind the sofa) :shock: So here is my next revision. I have adopted some of your suggestions i Eira. Where did you lose you internet? Have you checked behind the sofa? Still lik...
by capricorn
Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 235

The Owl and the Blackbird(revision)

The Owl and the Blackbird (revision) I’m just drifting off when he stirs. It’s barely light but up he hops, clears his throat ready to warble - Blackbird singin’ in the dead of night I cringe, pull the duvet over my head, hear him scratching, scuttling about, then peep out, see him strut around cres...
by capricorn
Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Replies: 10
Views: 401

Re: At a Distance (revision)

Thanks Trevor,

Sorry I'm late answering but my internet is off - have to rely on my son's computer when he's not using it. Doesn't add to my inspiration.

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Replies: 10
Views: 401

Re: At a Distance

. Hi Eira, feels like two separate pieces to me (S1-3 and S4-7) that haven't come together successfully ... yet. Glad you said 'yet :) ' I like the fiery 'ablaze' but then there's the damp squib of 'blossomed' (couldn't April be doing something equally incendiary to the trees?) and 'confetti' doesn...
by capricorn
Wed Jun 17, 2020 9:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 834

Re: The Carolinas Arms

. I think I'll go with The Knight & Drey (as per mac and Eira,) though following the thread of Knights led to The Tilted Windmill (which has a certain appeal) ... dithering. . Mmmm…… I see why you're dithering. While I like The Knight and Drey, The Tilted Windmill does have a certain appeal. Differ...
by capricorn
Sat Jun 13, 2020 9:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 834

Re: The Carolinas Arms

The Knight and Drey rolls off the tongue better than The Dray and Knights

Eira
by capricorn
Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Carolinas Arms
Replies: 15
Views: 834

Re: The Carolinas Arms

I can see the pub, Not, thanks to your excellent description, A well written poem - I cannot make any suggestions on first read. I sympathise with the squirrel problem as we share this :lol: but it became almost insignificant when rattus himself joined the feast!! (long story)

Eira
by capricorn
Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Promise
Replies: 6
Views: 562

Re: Promise

We sow wildflower seeds there will be meadow providing rain Hi, I've read this a few times and each time it almost sounds like the meadow is providing rain, not the rain is nurturing the meadow. (might just be me). Perhaps if the last line were providing it rains. a suggestion We sow wildflower see...
by capricorn
Wed Jun 03, 2020 11:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title needed
Replies: 5
Views: 446

Re: Title needed

Hi Tristan,

Interesting! I cannot think of any more than Not's suggestions. I like the title suggestion and particularly the smoothness of the second stanza. I feel the original ending was a bit rough - didn't like 'chunks'.

original thinking

Eira
by capricorn
Fri May 15, 2020 8:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)
Replies: 10
Views: 401

The Longest Year (new title & revision 4)

The Longest Year (rev 4) At a Distance we amble around Perry Hall Park without your reassuring bumble hum. Grasslands ablaze with daffodils, magnolia explodes, its petals confetti the pathways, we stomp to a slush. When roses unfurl, we still walk alone. hoping you are unlocked before sycamore wings...
by capricorn
Fri May 15, 2020 4:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Baby Steps
Replies: 8
Views: 376

Re: Baby Steps

Hi Trevor,

I like this but find some of your lines rather short (might be my own preference)

I like 'the science of dirty corners'

perhaps end for more emphasis

I tend to forget this thing
called pain.

Eira

I wrote a longer answer but lost it !!! :roll: -now I have to cook dinner.
by capricorn
Fri May 15, 2020 4:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: After
Replies: 10
Views: 853

Re: After

Hi Perry,

I am wondering what this might sound like if' 'she' was changed to 'you' so it would be addressed directly to the person. Also, 'you' could then be female or 'male'

Eira
by capricorn
Fri May 15, 2020 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: before Life was Art
Replies: 14
Views: 1215

Re: before Life was Art

It's a pleasure to read one of your unique poems, Lotus which always gives much to think on.

Oligarchy - a new word for me ( I like learning new words).

Eira
by capricorn
Mon May 11, 2020 11:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cottage Pie
Replies: 10
Views: 563

Re: Cottage Pie

I like cottage pie, but didn't think I'd ever enjoy a poem about it. This is really imaginatively written and has some great lines. Perhaps it could be pruned back a bit though, and I agree with Not about the ending (a bit too pat)

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1158

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 3)

Hi David & Trevor,

Thanks for commenting on this. I wrote revision 3 before I read your suggestions which I will digest tomorrow.

Eira
by capricorn
Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1158

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 2)

Hi Not - I'm back! And welcome you are too, your absence had been noted and I was beginning to wonder if you were self-isolating virtually. Hope you and yours are well. Back again, Not and thanks for the warm welcome. :D It's a good thing that we cannot catch CV virtually :mrgreen: We are isolating...
by capricorn
Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1158

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 1)

Hi Eira, there's such a strong piece here, but it does seem a bit hamstrung by the form. Hi Not - I'm back! Yes, writing in form has its problems, but sometimes I like the challenge :D I'll continue with this - but may try it another time in FV. a robin serenades From ivied stage. in meadow grass N...
by capricorn
Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1158

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 1)

Hi Not,

I've taken on board most of your suggestions and revised.

Eira
by capricorn
Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1158

Re: Brood Parasites

Poet wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 12:03 am
Good stuff! I don't see anything wrong with it, you are lucky Capricorn!
You are too kind Poet. I'm sure others will find something. :D

Eira