Search found 602 matches

by Perry
Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: It's the revolution guys!
Replies: 1
Views: 35

Re: It's the revolution guys!

I like this. It is somewhat stream-of-consciousness, but it is comprehensible. The writing is enthusiastic and optimistic. I wonder, though, by what standard to judge it. It doesn't strike me as carefully written. It comes across as a rough draft, so I feel it needs work -- but I would hate to see t...
by Perry
Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:08 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Perry's Opinions (on minimalism and more)
Replies: 16
Views: 1266

Hard-to-understand poems

I was thinking recently about the number of poems I critique. It is probably about 2-to-1 (two of others' poems for each poem I post), but just barely. I would love to critique more poems, but I understand so few of them. Imagine if every time you ate some food, you had to analyze the contents after...
by Perry
Sat Apr 20, 2019 6:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Struggling with Conversion
Replies: 6
Views: 62

Re: Struggling with Conversion

Interesting observation, Lotus. I could probably come up with a better title. By the way, to Tony I want to say that the fact that I feel the poem is not uneven doesn't mean I'm not open to improving it if I can. This is one of those poems that came out on an emotional wave, which makes it hard to c...
by Perry
Sat Apr 20, 2019 12:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Struggling with Conversion
Replies: 6
Views: 62

Re: Struggling with Conversion

Thank you, Tony. As I've said many times before, I have no problem with poems that "tell". The distinction between telling and showing is a fairly new one. Each poem has its own balance. I assume, however, that you are bringing that up because you don't care for the portions that don't have much ima...
by Perry
Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Struggling with Conversion
Replies: 6
Views: 62

Re: Struggling with Conversion

Thank you, Jules! This is an interesting poem for me. I wrote it 35 or so years ago, but the final stanza fell into clichés. It took me about 30 years to fix the final stanza. That happened with several poems. I would start writing the poem knowing what I wanted to say, but didn't have the insight o...
by Perry
Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Struggling with Conversion
Replies: 6
Views: 62

Struggling with Conversion

"... it's a mistake to think that God is in nature, or in inanimate things. God is exulted, and the world is sinful, and we are of the world." .................... — a television preacher Some days I almost do it, turn my Heart over to the One, to the Son, so lonely on this Earth I pass my time, so...
by Perry
Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The parishioners’ trail (tweaked)
Replies: 10
Views: 319

Re: The parishioners’ trail (tweaked)

In your new version, I think the final line -- "in hope of absolution, renewal" -- would work better with "and" in there, like you had before -- "in hope of absolution and renewal." The "and" makes it a perfect line of iambic pentameter. It has been my experience that ending a poem with a line in pe...
by Perry
Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Am I an Englishman? (V4)
Replies: 27
Views: 1788

Re: Am I an Englishman? (V4)

Despite not understanding every line, I like the poem. It has a pleasing rhythm, and the language is warm. It has a good ending.
by Perry
Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Tenant
Replies: 14
Views: 468

Re: The Tenant

I wrote 'with being sentimental, it should have been 'without being...' I have corrected it. Thanks for letting me know. Sentimentality can be a killer. I do in fact think the poem is a little too sentimental, but I am still working on it. Parts of it sound awkward to me. Getting back to this line ...
by Perry
Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:36 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Format & Design versus Content
Replies: 7
Views: 434

Re: Format & Design versus Content

You make valid points, Lotus. At some point in the last 200 years, literacy became the norm in the U.S., but I couldn't say when that happened -- somewhere between the late 1800's and the early 1900's -- it all depends on when school became mandatory. I do know that various poems have gone "viral" i...
by Perry
Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Tenant
Replies: 14
Views: 468

Re: The Tenant

Oh, thank you so much, Ross. I respect your opinion. These lines ... But she wouldn’t keep to her room. She was always under foot in the kitchen. ... were meant to convey the arrangement that the family had -- that she had "kitchen privileges" but was otherwise expected to stay in her room. In actua...
by Perry
Tue Apr 16, 2019 1:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next: (new version)

If I were writing "Coming up next, a poem about ...", I would put a comma in there, so perhaps I should put a comma at the end of the title. The truth is, I did something very impulsive: About two days ago I submitted the poem to Rattle, along with three others that this group seemed to like, and I ...
by Perry
Mon Apr 15, 2019 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next: (new version)

Thank you, Tristan. I think it was Mac who suggested "Outline" as the title, and you disagreed with that. But then I thought "Outline for a Poem" would be good, but I've turned against it (for the reasons I gave in my last post). As much as I respect Mac's judgement, I think you and I have a similar...
by Perry
Mon Apr 15, 2019 8:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next: (new version)

Thank you, Mac. The misspelling that was pointed out to me earlier was corrected in this thread, but not in my computer document at home, and I copied the new version from my computer. At first, the new title struck me as great because it was clearer, but then I started to miss the colloguial qualit...
by Perry
Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:28 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Format & Design versus Content
Replies: 7
Views: 434

Re: Format & Design versus Content

I think that the way poetry is presented always matters. It doesn't, of course, have the drawbacks of the Bible, which is long, hard to read, and archaic in tone. What concerns me most about poetry is that it used to be more mainstream. A couple hundred years ago, I believe that a majority of people...
by Perry
Mon Apr 15, 2019 1:22 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Format & Design versus Content
Replies: 7
Views: 434

Re: Format & Design versus Content

I posted my comment above basically because I felt bad that Lotus had started a topic and no one had joined in. I started reading the article she referenced, but didn't finish it. Stories about young people turning to Christianity do not please me, since I feel that Christianity isn't the best relig...
by Perry
Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Up Next: (New version)

This is the way the poem stands now: Up next: A poem about a dancer who understudied Baryshnikov and now, in dim middle-age, lives in semi-darkness in the basement of an ex-wife, watches game shows all day, and contemplates what happened to the trajectory of his life. ========== Could this be better...
by Perry
Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

Thank you, Mac. So you don't like the new line 3. I agree, and thank you for pointing out that if I add too many details, the poem is no longer an outline -- although the word "outline" won't be appearing anywhere in the poem. I think it is pretty much finished now, although I haven't changed it muc...
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 10:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

That's an interesting story, Lotus. My mother passed away almost 9 years ago.
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 10:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

Oh, my goodness -- you are right. Nijinsky would have been 11-12 when Victoria died. Now I'm wondering where I read that. Maybe it was a different dancer.
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 10:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

Thank you, Tristan. It must make me sound awful to be using the word "loser", but the character is mine to ridicule if I like. I try not to give that side of my character too much free reign -- although having a president like Donald Trump has made us all a little more barbaric. For whatever it's wo...
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 9:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Tenant
Replies: 14
Views: 468

Re: The Tenant

Despite how it may seem, I do understand that concision is a good thing in poetry. I have considered ways to cut the poem down. But it is a narrative poem, and narrative poems are more about the story than the poetry. I'm still working on it.
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

Really enjoyed this. Mac makes a good point about changing trajectory to a ballet term - pirouette is perhaps too obvious. Do you need ‘dim’? middle age says it all, sadly. Something more dynamic than ‘watches’, perhaps? You won’t believe this but I find myself wanting more after reading this - but...
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 8:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Eva's Birds [revision 7] (minor nudges)
Replies: 49
Views: 1643

Re: Eva's Birds [revision 7] (the ever-morphing poem)

I didn't even notice that you had posted a new version -- sorry. I like this version. It's a little more steamlined, but keeps a few details that I had dropped, and that add to the moodiness of the poem. In the first stanza, I would prefer "his spine and pelvis were fused". The only thing I'm still ...
by Perry
Sat Apr 13, 2019 7:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Up Next: (new version)
Replies: 23
Views: 285

Re: Up Next:

Thank you, Lotus. That's an interesting reason for liking a poem, but I'll take it! One wonders what your mother's reasons were. ================================== Thank you, Tristan. I'm glad that you understand what I'm trying to do in this poem. I already have some changes in mind: A poem about a...