Search found 719 matches

by Perry
Wed Jun 26, 2019 8:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Wire and the Tree
Replies: 0
Views: 16

The Wire and the Tree

It wasn’t a big tree, but it was lovely, symmetrical, with a glorious crown of perfectly shaped branches and leaves, standing outside my door like a well-dressed honor guard or attentive maître d’. An artist could not have rendered it more beautifully. But it had a wire running through its bonnet, a...
by Perry
Wed Jun 26, 2019 4:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Las' Chance Aberdeen
Replies: 5
Views: 50

Re: Las' Chance Aberdeen

There's a board called "Music and Song Lyric Discussion".
by Perry
Wed Jun 26, 2019 3:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Vanquished
Replies: 10
Views: 96

Re: The Vanquished

Leaf and Mac, thank you for your follow-up comments. I didn't mention that I posted this poem on another forum once. There was a formalist poet on that forum who objected to my starting verse 2 with the pronoun "this". To the best of my knowledge, there's no such rule that a verse of poetry can't st...
by Perry
Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Las' Chance Aberdeen
Replies: 5
Views: 50

Re: Las' Chance Aberdeen

Sorry if I evaluated it as a poem. There is a board on this forum where you can post song lyrics.
by Perry
Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Vanquished
Replies: 10
Views: 96

Re: The Vanquished

Is there sound to that video? If so, I can't hear it as I never connected the speakers to my computer. I read the words, but didn't see any mention of a talking tree. Was that an excerpt from the Bible? I'm not a Christian, for whatever it's worth. I'm kind of like a vampire: Crosses make my skin bu...
by Perry
Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Las' Chance Aberdeen
Replies: 5
Views: 50

Re: Las' Chance Aberdeen

I like it. It shows ambition to write in any dialect, and I think you've done this well. The story line rolls out in a logical progression. I have never had a great familiarity with specific poetic forms, so I can't tell if you are using one here. However, it sticks out like a sore thumb that you di...
by Perry
Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Vanquished
Replies: 10
Views: 96

Re: The Vanquished

I didn't expect that ANYONE would like the talking tree, especially you, Mac, given that I think you see yourself as an up-to-date and sophisticated poet (which of course you are). Since I haven't come up with anything better, maybe I'll just leave it as it is -- and when I publish a book (if I ever...
by Perry
Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Vanquished
Replies: 10
Views: 96

The Vanquished

In a modern office plaza, barely noticed by people passing, from the edge of my eye I saw, and then stopped to behold, a great tree, not yet in leaf, rising from the paving stones as if they were its natural element. This wasn’t a planted sapling left to die, as they often do, by indifferent bureauc...
by Perry
Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Me an' Trump
Replies: 6
Views: 112

Re: Me an' Trump

Yes, there are TWO Air Force Ones. When the president flies, both of them fly, the second one being a backup in case the first one has mechanical troubles. If I were president, I would put a stop to that. It is hugely wasteful of energy. David, what has happened to the forum lately? This poem got on...
by Perry
Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Me an' Trump
Replies: 6
Views: 112

Re: Me an' Trump

I really like this poem. I've been trying to come up with a Trump poem, but they all sound political and self-conscious. In this poem you approach Trump from a highly personal and idiosyncratic angle. It is very easy to relate to. I love the opening -- "attic boy that I am". It's hilarious. You desc...
by Perry
Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: i apologise...
Replies: 12
Views: 168

Re: i apologise

I like the poem. It has a nice rhythm and comes to a good, solid ending. I like the spareness of it. I wonder, though, whether you are trying to describe the normal ticks or movements of a normal body, or something more serious, something perhaps similar to Tourette's syndrome. It sounds like you ar...
by Perry
Thu Jun 20, 2019 8:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Youth
Replies: 4
Views: 96

Re: Youth

I can't imagine anyone really has too much of a problem with older styles of poetry do they? I'm sure most will read anything from Catallus to Carol Ann Duffy (I'm sure there must be a better modern poet beginning with C!). But it does say Contemporary Poetry Forum in the banner. I suppose it depen...
by Perry
Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Youth
Replies: 4
Views: 96

Re: Youth

Thank you for your thoughts, Barrett. Interesting form. Sort of a loose iambic heptameter with the lines split? It gives it quite a stately feel. Not sure about the repeat of 'ineffable' quite a bold word to have twice in the same poem. The repetition of "ineffable" was intentional, as if I am tryin...
by Perry
Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Youth
Replies: 4
Views: 96

Youth

Something ineffable in youth draws me back and evokes a quiet longing in my soul; not that I miss mine, no — it was not ever as it ought have been, by all accounts, hard as I tried to be care-free amidst my griefs and loss. Some ineffable perfection in the curves of girls' thighs, in the head-long r...
by Perry
Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Arousing Variations
Replies: 16
Views: 482

Re: Arousing Variations

My apologies for the occasional misspelling.

I've had my say and I'm satisfied now. I just felt you needed a heads up on how your poetry comes across to some people.
by Perry
Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Arousing Variations
Replies: 16
Views: 482

Re: Arousing Variations

You're coming up with sweeping statements that ignore basic human nature. I can't argue with you, you have some kind of negative approach to male-female relationships that makes it useless to defend the obvious. Chill out - drop the dead serious shtick and try to enjoy yourself - we only got a shor...
by Perry
Tue Jun 18, 2019 10:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Strand Street
Replies: 16
Views: 258

Re: Strand Street

I'm still not in love with the poem. It is just too one-dimensional. Here are some individual crits. We spoke of Strand Street in the good old days, [Why the past tense?] and all its little tributary streets, with every shop along them owned locally, apart from Woollies, Marksies and the Maypole. So...
by Perry
Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Strand Street
Replies: 16
Views: 258

Re: Strand Street

Perhaps I had the reaction I did because the streets of my youth were very different. I could certainly be wrong about the poem. To be honest, now, after a three-hour nap, the poem seems better. Perhaps I was just feeling cranky.
by Perry
Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Strand Street
Replies: 16
Views: 258

Re: Strand Street

I usually like your poems, but this one leaves me cold, starting with line one. Who are "we"? Since you are writing in the past tense, it is immediately clear that "we" are a particular group of people from the past, which leaves most of your readers out. Then you mention a street most of your reade...
by Perry
Fri Jun 14, 2019 12:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retirement
Replies: 15
Views: 205

Re: Retirement

I don't think your poem needs resurrecting because it isn't that bad to begin with. The term that popped into my head was "a slice of life", though Barrett's designation of the poem as a "portrait" is probably more accurate. Two things stand out for me. First, the poem could be a little more focusse...
by Perry
Tue Jun 11, 2019 6:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sitting on a Cliff Taking a Selfie
Replies: 16
Views: 811

Re: Sitting on a Cliff Taking a Selfie

Poet wrote:
Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:14 pm
Not really but why is maker capitalized?
"Maker" means "God", and names for God are usually capitalized, though it's optional when it isn't one of God's actual names. I felt that capitalizing "maker" added to the humor of the poem.
by Perry
Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sitting on a Cliff Taking a Selfie
Replies: 16
Views: 811

Re: Sitting on a Cliff Taking a Selfie

Thank you, Poet.

If you feel that the poem has "potential", that suggests that you envision more to the poem than I've written. Do you have any ideas that you haven't shared?
by Perry
Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Where Are You? Are You There For Me?
Replies: 17
Views: 253

Re: Where Are You? Are You There For Me?

I agree, "the smallest pockets of sky" is a creative phrase. I'm sorry I didn't notice that.

I was probably too hard on your poem because it reminded me of my early efforts. My apologies.
by Perry
Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Swirls (version 2)
Replies: 26
Views: 413

Re: Swirls

As someone who likes metered poetry, I should know what a pantoum is, but I have never gone for the rigid and repetitive forms.
by Perry
Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Struggling with Conversion
Replies: 9
Views: 296

Re: Struggling with Conversion

David, thank you for knocking this back to the top. I'm glad that you like the poem. I did post it on another forum some years ago, and the worst thing someone said about it was that it sounded like the Narrator had his mind made up and wasn't actually conflicted at all, which was probably true. Yes...