Search found 453 matches

by churinga
Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tipping Point
Replies: 10
Views: 205

Re: Tipping Point

Hi JJ
I hope my reply to Perry answers your misgivings about the poem. I would say catastrophe is about 5 years away for my country. But other nations will be a lot less impacted. We are so vulnerable being already the 'driest continent'.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tipping Point
Replies: 10
Views: 205

Re: Tipping Point

Hi Perry The poem is not about the Great Barrier Reef, the corals have already gone, 75% gone according to the latest science. I snorkelled off Cairns 2 years ago and it was so sad to see it so destroyed, like a city hit by an atomic bomb. But the loss of the corals (which are only 5% of the G.B. Re...
by churinga
Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tipping Point
Replies: 10
Views: 205

Re: Tipping Point

Hi Jules Apologies to all as i have been without the internet for several weeks. I stumble a bit on the combo of window and skirts - both original and effective in their own right. I was thinking of the skirts in a can can, as the scene this was based on ( seen on TV) had that look. It occasions a p...
by churinga
Tue Jan 22, 2019 7:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tipping Point
Replies: 10
Views: 205

Re: Tipping Point

Hi Perry The poem is about the effects of climate change in Australia. The Great Barrier Reef corals haves already gone, now large areas of agricultural land are permanent desert, The statistics are frightening. We are a small nation in population and influence, there is nothing we can do about it. ...
by churinga
Tue Jan 22, 2019 7:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Eternal Peacock (revision 3)
Replies: 23
Views: 541

Re: Eternal Peacock

Hi Eira I can't find anything to crit here, it is detailed but so are kitchens!! Perhaps 'Eternal' and also 'slumped' are exaggerations but they fit with a conversational style where we understand that exaggerations are not meant to be taken literally. i liked it, from peacock to pig, is there somet...
by churinga
Mon Jan 21, 2019 8:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: First Date (second version, more rhymes)
Replies: 15
Views: 491

Re: First Date (second version, more rhymes)

Hi again to the void, and he balked, “Will that hold?” to show him it was strong, and it broke, These two lines are for me jerky, created by a combination of word choice and the breaking of the line's rhythm by the use of short phrases. Plus in the first example a line that is too long. The cinquain...
by churinga
Mon Jan 21, 2019 5:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tipping Point
Replies: 10
Views: 205

Tipping Point

This perishable spring, this gifted flow; slow at the mouth and emerging into the sea's solid window and the shaken skirts of cloud. In the raven's eye expect no sympathy. Hunger rules, the heart spectates. The mind spins; wakes useless before the venom of the sun. Caught in cross-haired scopes and ...
by churinga
Mon Jan 21, 2019 8:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taking flight
Replies: 9
Views: 654

Re: Taking flight

Hi Richard English, in the half words, that you um um um, an upturned song, a broken one. I think one 'um' would do both for meaning and meter or put um-um-um,to get the sound closer to a baby's vocalising. You are your own, an empty sense 'empty sense' sounds original but I am unclear as to what it...
by churinga
Mon Jan 21, 2019 8:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: First Date (second version, more rhymes)
Replies: 15
Views: 491

Re: First Date (second version, more rhymes)

Hi Perry

Using hold and ago as rhyming words is a stretch but I think it's OK, purists would disagree.

'balustrade' is exactly the right word.

The last 'verse' is a cinquain, this would also worry the purists.

I still think it is a little jerky.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: First Date (second version, more rhymes)
Replies: 15
Views: 491

Re: First Date

Hi Perry You do need to find a rhyme for the second verse. 'safe' is not the easiest word to rhyme so it may require rearranging the whole of the second quatrain. The meter is a bit out in places too. I liked the subject matter and the photos are very interesting. The black humour is fine. cheers Ross
by churinga
Sun Jan 20, 2019 7:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 18
Views: 623

Re: Tears

HI David

I don't see the last line as 'editorial comment', it is a continuation of the poets situation, the action he takes to try and control the meltdown.
Without it there would be no concluding rhyme, the last line would stand out as a false note

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Sun Jan 20, 2019 12:16 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Perry's Opinions (on minimalism and more)
Replies: 15
Views: 947

Re: Minimalism and other trends

The internal speakers may be broken. I have a Mac and use headphones to improve the quality of the sound. It is excellent, better than my very expensive Sanyo TV. I watch and listen to everything via my Mac now. If you have Windows, you should also look at your Device Manager, it may be that you sti...
by churinga
Sat Jan 19, 2019 5:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 18
Views: 623

Re: Tears

Hi Ton That seems to be the general consensus, folks like it but want more. What can I say, there isn't any more, being 'enigmatic and mysterious' wasn't my intention but if that is the effect on you I am pleased. I find life utterly mysterious and enigmatic. Thanks for commenting cheers Ross.
by churinga
Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Soul- cakes ( was Villanelle)
Replies: 15
Views: 1558

Re: Soul- cakes ( was Villanelle)

Hi Ton I am not a fan of villanelles, I think the repetition only works if the poem is recited or sung. To me most villanelles are contrived and forced. Such cleverness in creating a villanelle can be admired but the actual emotional impact is less obvious, a case of form over-powering function. I w...
by churinga
Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retreat
Replies: 16
Views: 335

Re: Retreat

Hi James Scrap the sections and the scientific sea titles. They don't help, how many readers are going to know or care about these various seas? It makes the poem too academic and nerdy. I like some of the images and the sexual element is what makes it come alive, I would stick with that. cheers Ross
by churinga
Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 18
Views: 623

Re: Tears

Hi Perry

I thought I'd fixed that comma, I have now.
I have responded to similar crits in previous replies.
I don't have anything to add, except that it doesn't seek to explain the situation
but simple elaborate on it via symbolism and word play.

Thanks for commenting

kind regards

Ross
by churinga
Thu Jan 17, 2019 10:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Groaning Stones (was 'Stones')
Replies: 25
Views: 761

Re: The Groaning Stones (was 'Stones')

Pet rabbits suffer from this condition.
JJ, have you been eating too much lettuce?
by churinga
Thu Jan 17, 2019 10:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 18
Views: 623

Re: Tears

Hi Eira I think 'stays the night' means 'all night', I don't think the distinction is important. It is a brief poem so lots of details are left out, 'something' is very vague, I will try to fix that. 'so' could work but I think causation is implied, 'and' works just as well. I try to avoid logical o...
by churinga
Wed Jan 16, 2019 10:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Learning to be afraid
Replies: 11
Views: 347

Re: Learning to be afraid

Hi Ton
I thought this well worth reading.
My only crit is I feel the descriptions of your reaction to the policeman are overdone.
Also not sure eyes can 'sneer' I would associate that with the voice only.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Wed Jan 16, 2019 10:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Folk Tale (+ loose translation)
Replies: 14
Views: 515

Re: Folk Tale

Hi Not
Not sure if it would defeat the purpose but an English translation would help.
I couldn't get past the first line, it was too obscure.
It did remind me of 'A Clockwork Orange' which was written in a made-up futuristic language.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Wed Jan 16, 2019 7:08 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Perry's Opinions (on minimalism and more)
Replies: 15
Views: 947

Re: Minimalism and other trends

That is very unusual, all computers have sound, are you sure you havn't turned off the internal speakers somewhere along the line? It is easy enough to do.
by churinga
Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:58 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Perry's Opinions (on minimalism and more)
Replies: 15
Views: 947

Re: Minimalism and other trends

A Fry and Laurie sketch about minimal poetry.

https://youtu.be/0nTmSu6v0LA
by churinga
Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:27 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Plagiarism in Poetry
Replies: 1
Views: 360

Re: Plagiarism in Poetry

I had a friend who was a composer and he said it was very difficult to know if a melodic phrase was original or was a memory he had mistaken for inspiration. I am sure it happens in poetry and is excusable if it is just a few words, When it goes beyond that then it is plagiarism and the poet who doe...
by churinga
Sun Jan 13, 2019 8:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 18
Views: 623

Re: Tears

Hi JJ It's a slight poem and I had no specific reason why the night in question was a bad night in comparison to others. I didn't actually cry or look in the mirror that was suggested by the song 'Dimming of the Day', which I am fond of, it has a line that goes 'I'm drowning in a river of my tears.....
by churinga
Sun Jan 13, 2019 8:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Inclusion
Replies: 20
Views: 776

Re: Inclusion

Sorry about that Ray, I forget my own name at times.