Search found 422 matches

by churinga
Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: All Around the Loft Extensions Gaze (formerly 'Every Tree')
Replies: 9
Views: 155

Re: It Is Early Summer (formerly 'Every Tree')

Hi Jules I'm compelled by the sycamore's I don't think you need to introduce the N, eg 'I am compelled' it can be assumed by the fact that the poem is written. fractal-churning greys and greens Stiff-backed pears Since you have changed the title , I think you need to put pear trees. Same with apple ...
by churinga
Mon Dec 03, 2018 7:22 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Perch Pond
Replies: 4
Views: 92

Re: The Perch Pond

Another good one JJ,
I got out the tape measure to get a better idea of the size.
It would be interesting to see the series here in one post.

all the best

Ross
by churinga
Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal v2

Hi Not

We never call police polies, always cops, coppers, pigs, narcs, the fuzz, or jacks.
Rellos is used but not much.
Ordinary Joe is American, eg GI Joe, we use bloke or feller to suggest an ordinary person, or bogan or yahoo but these are more derogatory.

all the best

Ross
by churinga
Mon Dec 03, 2018 3:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: All Around the Loft Extensions Gaze (formerly 'Every Tree')
Replies: 9
Views: 155

Re: Every Tree

Hi Jules Those silver birches Do you need 'those' wind-whip-dancing Do you need wind, isn't it obvious that trees always 'dance' in the wind. with such originality Using 'originality' asks the reader to supply an example, you need to show us why they are being original A sycamore compels, same with ...
by churinga
Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal v2

Hi Not Slang can be vague about spelling but it is always spelt polie or pollie not polly, despite what slang dictionaries say. Aussies use this diminutive a lot, eg tinnie,(boat) sparkie,(electrician) chalkie,(teacher) relie, (relative). An 'ordinary jo' is not slang I have heard. 'skool' looks a b...
by churinga
Sun Dec 02, 2018 7:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tin Whiskers
Replies: 8
Views: 238

Re: Tin Whiskers

Hi Mac,

thanks for commenting.
Your interpretation rings true for me.
I don't think this poem will ever be quite right.

kind regards

Ross
by churinga
Sat Dec 01, 2018 8:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Voyage in Question (revision3)
Replies: 10
Views: 221

Re: The Voyage in Question (revision)

Hi james I would let the images do the talking, eg a single rose, looks out on a field of mist, We’re leaving, welcoming a bird from lands beyond a handhold on a cliff is all we have. silent seamsters embroider cool morning(s) speak for us. I have pared this down to what I think is absolutely necess...
by churinga
Sat Dec 01, 2018 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Elderly Japanese couple, Agrigento (revised)
Replies: 12
Views: 200

Re: Elderly Japanese couple, Agrigento

Hi Luke creeping through burial caves like ivy. 'ivy' creeps but we don't see it's movement. It still works but with reservations. We follow, glued, observing their reactions, 'glued' seems too close to 'followed' so it seems you are 'glued' physically when the idea is your gaze is glued on them. I...
by churinga
Tue Nov 27, 2018 3:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal

Norfolk Island or Norfolk, England? In either case, no.
by churinga
Tue Nov 27, 2018 2:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal

We say polie not pol, also not Jo, maybe jill as in jillaroo compared to jackaroo. Malcolm's wife is the sister of the late Robert Hughes, the author, art critic and TV presenter. The meat pie is still popular along with fish and chips but pubs in the cities have gone upmarket, lots of Thai food, no...
by churinga
Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Avoiding the First Cut (revision 4)
Replies: 24
Views: 385

Re: Avoiding the Cut

Hi JJ
I also think it is too short. Purely a subjective opinion. Maybe less is more.
But I want a poem to be a live-in companion not a brief exchange at the door.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal

Ha Ha
I saw Ulverstone in Tassie but assumed it was the English place and it never occurred to me it was Malcolm Turnbull. Are you Australian or pretending to be?
by churinga
Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Clean
Replies: 15
Views: 701

Re: Clean

Hi JJ
I wrote this as a light=-hearted ironic/comic piece.
It never occurred to me to link it to OCD.
Glad you liked it, despite the meter being all over the place.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Sun Nov 25, 2018 9:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Time
Replies: 6
Views: 154

Re: Time

Hi Perry 'Time is a wave that sweeps us' is very good. Time is a wave that sweeps us from the shore of our birth. This as one line is also very good. or propels us with the fish; not great but an OK metaphor. And when it’s finally over we look back to discover: no shore, no wave, no rock, no fish, ...
by churinga
Sun Nov 25, 2018 9:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Malcolm's Last Meal v2
Replies: 16
Views: 279

Re: Malcolm's Last Meal

Hi Not i have no idea what it refers to despite a google search. It doesn't flow very well, there are a lot of short words that don't create many harmonies for me, eg the last line sits down with a plate, knife and fork, and a pie? the alliteration of plate and pie are too far apart to help the flow...
by churinga
Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snip (revision3)
Replies: 17
Views: 334

Re: Snip

Hi Mac On the last page the neighbour prunes a mottled bloom......The neighbour is collecting the clippings on the last page of some newspaper/magazine. This is my understanding. The poem explains this but it is a bit confusing initially. Her child collects the drift of petals in a castellated....I ...
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 10:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Mother Jazz (in E Minor Seventh) revised
Replies: 14
Views: 443

Re: Mother Jazz (in E Minor Seventh)

Yeah don't listen to Ross he's a crazy man.
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Calm (wasSounds of the Sea - was Seaside Commotion)
Replies: 25
Views: 1042

Re: Sounds of the Sea (was Seaside Commotion)

'Seaside Commotion' is much better than 'Sounds of the Sea' which is too like a pop song lyric,eg

Just what is happening to me
I lie awake with the sound of the sea
Calling to me

from Voices In the Sky by The Moody Blues.
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lapidary
Replies: 29
Views: 445

Re: Lapidary

Hi David I am not sure what 'my father's brackets' refers to. I would avoid repeating 'grass'. 'Enquire' suggests asking a question whereas the footnote is there to discover. 'inquire' would suggest investigate and be better although the two words mean much the same thing these days (according to my...
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tin Whiskers
Replies: 8
Views: 238

Re: Tin Whiskers

Hi Moth

The title is not fanciful. It is a metallurgical term.

cheers

Ross
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tin Whiskers
Replies: 8
Views: 238

Tin Whiskers

1 Get very small, sidestep time. You are so much more than any organisation. You’re a rushing into the valley, a drawbridge of feeling. Steal the fire and when it all goes wrong and you crash and burn, get up as if nothing happened. 2 Warmer for the dark, cars doors open, the promise is there. Guita...
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Mother Jazz (in E Minor Seventh) revised
Replies: 14
Views: 443

Re: Mother Jazz (in E Minor Seventh)

Hi Luke I'd prefer the title to be just 'In E minor seventh, who uses that chord except jazz musicians? I can’t explain why I huddle in your brass.... I only like enjambments when they create an ambiguity, when the enjambed line makes sense, then another sense when the next line is read, or atleast ...
by churinga
Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Clean
Replies: 15
Views: 701

Re: Clean

Hi Jules The alliteration in V1 is a set of 4 syllables in each phrase, so for me it is short and sweet, but it could be annoying, just as the religious tone of V2 may irk some readers. Gumption is a 'multi purpose cleaning paste'. It's available in the UK and my country Australia, so most people kn...
by churinga
Thu Nov 22, 2018 6:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Clean
Replies: 15
Views: 701

Re: Clean

Your Honour

It didn't occur to me that it could be associated with OCD, but now I see the connection. My closest female friend has mild Aspergers Syndrome, you would not know if you met her but in subtle ways it rules her life.

thanks for your comment

kind regards

Ross
by churinga
Thu Nov 22, 2018 6:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Light Verse
Replies: 15
Views: 998

Re: Light Verse

Hi Tony I like your limerick, I would have put There was a young man who was blind who ate out a lot in his mind. Once, he caused such a scene, killed the peaches and cream, but maintained he was murdering time. I wrote one recently for a fb friend it went I once had a fork with one prong it was sha...