Search found 422 matches

by bjondon
Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Carry Your Heart In a Bag
Replies: 2
Views: 60

Re: Carry Your Heart In a Bag

Hi Poet, have you come across William Burroughs' 'cut-up' poems? You seem to be doing a similar sort of violence to the language with the aim, like him, of pushing through to something on the other side (L16 'if that's all you ever want to hear' just marginally letting the cat out of the bag). I lik...
by bjondon
Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flevoland - revised
Replies: 8
Views: 132

Re: Flevoland - revised

I keep hearing this being sung by Paul Weller. I didn't welcome being packed off for an overlong stay in Wiki's Flevoland entry - but it did make me reflect on my ignorance about this country - surely our closest political, spiritual and maybe racial neighbour - just a hop and a skip across the shal...
by bjondon
Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gannet (edit)
Replies: 8
Views: 130

Re: Gannet (edit)

Hi Luke, good to have you back . . . I miss the mustard! Actually I thought this was all very moving and well put together until I saw Ray's 'pruning' which does seem to take it to another level. The symmetry seems to make that odd word caesura more justifiable too. A different poem though. The bird...
by bjondon
Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:47 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: My Ramblings
Replies: 8
Views: 108

Re: My Ramblings

I love this Harbal. So understated and full of humour. Actually as soon as I started I was noticing the commas and semi-colons (that's what a year on PG does to you!) …and appreciating their subtlety and use, not so much as grammatical conformities but little signposts to indicate the flows of thoug...
by bjondon
Wed Jul 17, 2019 11:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Epistle to Ms Austen
Replies: 14
Views: 190

Re: Epistle to Ms Austen

Late to the party as usual, but I did enjoy this spotlight on Jane. 'Dear' feels right, and 'Ms' too. Has it reallly taken us 200 years to finally catch on to what she was up to? Fast write this may be but it has great flow and seems plum full of thought provoking cherries. The theme is one of those...
by bjondon
Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shack Kerouac
Replies: 10
Views: 144

Re: Shack Kerouac

OK, 'not enough' definitely better than 'please stop' … I have taken note (thanks mac and TLF). David, you do seem to have got it, which is a relief, but I acknowledge it's a mere scamper . . . stay tuned! Perhaps the Kerouac is a bit of a red herring . . . this is more Edward Lear by way of Orson W...
by bjondon
Fri Jul 12, 2019 5:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: History Speaks for Me (was TWEET...) v4
Replies: 15
Views: 321

Re: History Speaks for Me (was TWEET...) v4

Hi RC, some good workshopping here - the effect quite Zappa-esque. I thought the original had something going for it purely as a sort of crazy sales presentation thing being delivered by a moron for a room full of morons, but once it clicked it was Trump the impact diminished but there was this inte...
by bjondon
Tue Jul 09, 2019 10:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Interplanetary Love (revision 4)
Replies: 28
Views: 804

Re: Interplanetary Love (revision 3)

When you first posted this piece JJ it struck me as oddly perplexing, the 'logic' outrageously dumb, even intuitively unconfigurable. But now I get it! It is pure and simply a love letter, of great intensity and interestingl enough, that intensity seems to decrease each time you attempted to make it...
by bjondon
Tue Jul 09, 2019 8:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shack Kerouac
Replies: 10
Views: 144

Shack Kerouac

I'm blowing my own Po Po
I'm blowing my own Po . . .Po
I'm blowing my big poetry no

a junkety, spunkety, trunkety
full bap / jam bop
good enough good good enough

to blow away
at least / half of
my stuff
by bjondon
Mon Jul 08, 2019 10:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The View From the Ambulance (V5)
Replies: 32
Views: 551

Re: The View From the Ambulance (V5)

Informations/understandings: I wil go with V4, though think 'is necessarily partial' has a slight ambiguity which plays much better, combining well then with the more forceful 'strapped in tightly'. 'blue lit from below' encloses that stanza perfectly in a small vivid tableau. My understanding is th...
by bjondon
Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The View From the Ambulance (V5)
Replies: 32
Views: 551

Re: The View From the Ambulance (V5)

This is such a stand-out piece Not. The title rolls us straight into this highly evocative (I'm getting flashbacks too) and involving scene. It's impressionistic and I get that the ambiguity (who is the patient? what has happened to them?) coupled with the vivid details creates an anxiety crucial to...
by bjondon
Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Old Hippy V7
Replies: 24
Views: 764

Re: Old Hippy V7

Thanks for homing in on the creaky corners Not. S2 - I've kept the 'and' but moved the comma. Also put the 'talkin bout half first and added an 'All'. Flows better? S5 - the punks repetition a temporary aberration - now gone for something much better! S6+7 amalgamated, partly initiated by your point...
by bjondon
Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Dhoor
Replies: 7
Views: 157

Re: The Dhoor

Basically brilliant David - my only grump the last two lines which feel a little wooden in comparison to the leaden, dour, Ogden Nashish superbness of the rest. I suppose it's a lugubrious message but it's buoyed up by the vivacity of the language and humour. Something about this takes us right into...
by bjondon
Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sapper
Replies: 18
Views: 320

Re: Sapper

Hi mac, I can't believe this is not a nod to the great Heaney and his 'Digging'. The WW1 trope here seems more of a ground, the main tune being about depression (not just PTSD) and the she of 'she'd said'. Despite the loss and the 'unnerving' of S1 it has such a lazy rhythm and wonderful mouth music...
by bjondon
Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Kensal Town Evensong V4
Replies: 15
Views: 360

Re: Kensal Town Evensong V4

Thanks JJ - Like you I am intrigued by the strange gravitational forces of the short form. This one actually started out as quite an optimistic piece, but sauce will have its way. David - I'm reasonably ok with this as it stands. Just dropping the comma, and breaking the last line seemed to give it ...
by bjondon
Fri Jul 05, 2019 6:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Old Hippy V7
Replies: 24
Views: 764

Re: Old Hippy V7

Ah - thank you Geoff! Video poems are definitely the way to go for me. I have another couple in the pipeline I can't wait to hit you lot with! . . . But more of a talking painting this form I think - so maybe in the visual section? I think of this one as an honourable failure - superceded by the tex...
by bjondon
Thu Jul 04, 2019 2:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 399

Re: First Language

A couple of typos mac picked up on, though i guess L16 could also be an ellipsis. Maybe 'danger' singular 'yellowish' strikes me as a little off, maybe yellowing, yellowed or just yellow? Spelling of moga-stare . . . edges towards a long 'o' … retrospectively it seems ok, an appropriate shimmer of d...
by bjondon
Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Notes
Replies: 11
Views: 185

Re: Notes

Hi James, this definitely has something, though I only got the joke after your prompt. At first it just seemed too dry but on a slow fuse it steadily got funnier - You could not choose a more subtle grammatical nicetie on which to pivot the whole thing - and likewise I don't think you could choose a...
by bjondon
Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Old Hippy V7
Replies: 24
Views: 764

Re: Old Hippy V7

Thanks Ray and Not - V7 up - I've been round the houses with this one. The video is now superceded but here for your amusement it is (for a limited time period only) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7lCcA6qY4w Ray - thanks for dropping by. This was quite consciously straying into your territory so ...
by bjondon
Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:47 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Onshore Wind (revised)
Replies: 22
Views: 593

Re: Onshore Wind

Really like that little lip of wet sand in the foreground, the colours feel very authentic.
Not entirely convinced by the clouds . . . but it's always difficult to judge from the small screen.
Do like this full frontal approach to the sea . . .like a big duvet cover.
Best,
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Jun 27, 2019 4:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Kensal Town Evensong V4
Replies: 15
Views: 360

Re: Kensal Town Evensong V4

Thanks mac, barrett and David - yes, that slip/slide choice is a funny one. Glad you pushed me to make it over the final fence. Just a single comma here, as in Brent Aubade. Waterloo - yes those old songs wash through my head too. Falsely called 'British Miserabalism' - more constrained euphoria I a...
by bjondon
Wed Jun 26, 2019 4:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Squid
Replies: 21
Views: 1535

Re: Squid

I thought 'supermarket noon' was good , the perpetual timeless sunlight that supermarket owners wish us to believe in, except the actual feeling is quite dead, more like perpetual midnight - so I was just suggesting to take the metaphor further. Coming back to this, and assuming from the start a fem...
by bjondon
Sat Jun 22, 2019 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Me an' Trump
Replies: 6
Views: 152

Re: Me an' Trump

Thank you Perry - you have understood exactly what I intended, though I didn't set out specifically to write a political poem - like you, I feel the social need but am aware the moment you arrive with an agenda, prescriptive, predictive or whatever, it just sucks the life out of a poem. There is not...
by bjondon
Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Me an' Trump
Replies: 6
Views: 152

Me an' Trump

attic boy that I am
I haven't seen the corner shops
in twenty years
yet when Trump comes to stay
he beds down
in his buddy's back-Hampstead-yard
triangulates the town
and his fat air force ones
fill my sky
by bjondon
Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: High School Confessions
Replies: 2
Views: 111

Re: High School Confessions

This is an excellent poem Poet. It feels raw and real and straight from the mind of this high school kid. I like the way the first half had me assuming this kid was being bullied, that he/she was a bit shy and 'lacking in social skills' - but no, they are 'an apex predator' but still utterly alienat...