Search found 223 matches

by bjondon
Sat Jan 19, 2019 10:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retreat
Replies: 13
Views: 111

Re: Retreat

I am reading this purely as a poem about drinking. I can even imagine it going down quite well as a voiceover for a Guinness ad! But perhaps I am missing so.mething. Actually I am starting to enjoy what I am hearing as an ironic tone. The sylistic shifts through the quarters sounding right. You begi...
by bjondon
Sat Jan 19, 2019 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: jump jets (V2)
Replies: 6
Views: 89

Re: jump jets (V2)

Ah! You were right first time round James - it's about blue tits and great tits who flock together in the winter and even in January seem already to be checking each other out as potential mates (the two in mid-air). This was written and posted on the same day, I felt it was a bit rough, with some l...
by bjondon
Sat Jan 19, 2019 8:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tree of Life (After Hoyland) [formerly A Rose Thrashing]
Replies: 13
Views: 603

Re: Tree of Life (After Hoyland) [formerly A Rose Thrashing]

Revision posted. Terraced housing creates these corridors of gardens, the scale (in Britain) just big enough for nature to get a bit of a hold, especially if there are a few mature trees. What excited me was how the wind was eliciting not just characteristic movements but seemingly a whole separate ...
by bjondon
Sat Jan 19, 2019 4:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retreat
Replies: 13
Views: 111

Re: Retreat

Hi James . . . Consider the pint? I know what you mean about polishing turds so I will come down hard on one side, though discovering that those seas are real does help (a bit). Our best early poetry came out of the carousing halls so it's tempting to home in on this national ritual, a poetic moment...
by bjondon
Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Retreat
Replies: 13
Views: 111

Re: Retreat

Hi James,
are you setting us up for the
total eclipse on Monday 4am
pint in hand?
Not too keen on the poem
but might stay up for this,
a super + blood moon quite rare.
Will return to savage if you insist!
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fraught
Replies: 1
Views: 52

Re: Fraught

Hi Not,
like the new title, but not really getting this.
Nice obols.Is Croesus at home here?
Part of the problem is it's hard to better
Hyde's brilliant quote.
Will return.
Jules
by bjondon
Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Folk Tale (+ loose translation)
Replies: 14
Views: 306

Re: Folk Tale

Hi Not, ersatz : think Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins - his dubious cockney accent was once ridiculed but I think it's now seen as one of the key ingredients of the film's success. Also Iain Banks in his novel The Bridge where he alternates the main narrative with brilliant semi-fake (to me) dialect ...
by bjondon
Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: jump jets (V2)
Replies: 6
Views: 89

jump jets (V2)

black hats joining bandits boy can they move they're the blues and greats working the winter two in mid-air what? o for a 1080p slow mo go pro moon sun moon sun bola swinging through round through round two one out not even harried fit fitter clock reclocked joining dots only they can see soft titm...
by bjondon
Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Groaning Stones (was 'Stones')
Replies: 25
Views: 290

Re: The Groaning Stones (was 'Stones')

Really like the new title.
by bjondon
Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tree of Life (After Hoyland) [formerly A Rose Thrashing]
Replies: 13
Views: 603

Re: A Rose Thrashing V3 (formerly 'Every Tree')

Thanks guys, a thorough revision posted.
Apologies for not responding sooner.
Regards,
Jules
by bjondon
Sat Jan 12, 2019 8:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Extra-Boot (V4)
Replies: 6
Views: 139

Re: The Extra-Boot (V3)

Thanks for coming back Tristan. 'donned the boot' in S3 refers to attempting a creative career. The poem is essentially about the realisation that there is always a deep cultural context for all good art and you don't have to be a star to contribute to that culture. Ray, on the 'grounded' v 'scatter...
by bjondon
Sat Jan 12, 2019 8:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tides
Replies: 17
Views: 304

Re: Tidal

Just a suggestion of Purse or The Purse as an alt title.
It covers the boy's expression as well as a hint of
hope for all three. Tidal for me suggests it's all going to
go back to how it was before.
Jules
by bjondon
Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Resolution (was Torpor) (version 3)
Replies: 13
Views: 204

Re: Resolution (was Torpor) (revised)

Hi Luke,
I take the resolution to be that of the salmon's too.
I would end on line 14 in that mysterious calm spot
shared with the human.
The whole dark/light transition has something of
music about it. And a spectacular save from the original!
Regards,
Jules
by bjondon
Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tears
Replies: 16
Views: 215

Re: Tears

Hi Ross, I like this (and welcome back!) Ray's suggestion for L3 makes sense. Could also be - 'and rolls down slow' I am wanting L6 to begin with 'can't'. I think 'salt an ocean' does work. It's like a song lyric where a hint of ambiguity or even paradox only improves it, plus there is the connotati...
by bjondon
Fri Jan 11, 2019 12:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Running on the Spectrum (revision 2)
Replies: 12
Views: 544

Re: Running on the Spectrum (revision 2)

Hi Eira,
so glad you rescued this one!
I think it's a big improvement.
Have to dash but will come back
for another read.
Brilliant energy, pacing, story arc,
everything pitched just right.
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Nutritionist
Replies: 12
Views: 177

Re: The Nutritionist

Hi Perry, No Marthas here as far as I know but wall to wall baking shows, all glossing over their health implications I thought the 'hamburger was a murderer in disguise' line was a neat play on the vegan campaigning cry 'meat is murder'. I have been thinking hard if there is anything I can say that...
by bjondon
Thu Jan 10, 2019 9:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Groaning Stones (was 'Stones')
Replies: 25
Views: 290

Re: Stones

A classic!
Made me laugh. How dare she!
'that radiologist' reconfigured as insult.
Could you grind out one last oblique
groan by calling it The Stones?
But basically word perfect.
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Extra-Boot (V4)
Replies: 6
Views: 139

Re: The Extra-Boot (revision)

Thanks Ray and Tristan, fair point . . . . I thought everyone could read my mind. Have posted a revision. Glad you like this. Jules ps. the title partly comes from memories of my mum accusing my dad of thinking he was an Extra-Wurst. I started out as a visual artist too . . . still hanker after it. ...
by bjondon
Wed Jan 09, 2019 7:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Extra-Boot (V4)
Replies: 6
Views: 139

The Extra-Boot (V4)

Tee Hee the great romantic artist that I thought I was turns out not to be Wha Wha that small conceit found feet and has indeed both been and gone too far! Hoo Hoo it wasn't me but others too have donned the boot and kicked the dust (Like Me!) and maybe just possibly Like You! Yar Yar we've all been...
by bjondon
Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Let’s Be True To Our Selves
Replies: 14
Views: 222

Re: Let’s Be True To Our Selves

Hi Ray,
for some reason the phrase 'our friends electric'
comes to mind.
Your friend's something big in Exports
has sewn her ear to a phone
?
Jules
by bjondon
Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Nutritionist
Replies: 12
Views: 177

Re: The Nutritionist

This one is growing on me Perry. But how do you truth-tell in an arena where the facts are so contested? As a fully paid up nutritional bore, just the first line had me frothing at the mouth. But maybe that was why you put it there :) S1 and 2 are the best bit, with an excellent line/stanza break to...
by bjondon
Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hiding in the Hems (V7-ish)
Replies: 5
Views: 167

Re: Hiding in the Hems (revision) [formerly Steal the Fur etc]

Thanks guys, good points all and hopefully addressed in the latest revision. This was a risky piece with a small beginning - Tristan's incisive crit of Invisible Mending encouraging me to dig deeper. Not, your point about the comic/serious balance was very helpful - they seem to feed off each other ...
by bjondon
Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Schizophrenia
Replies: 9
Views: 164

Re: Schizophrenia

Hi Tamara, a definite journey and good choice of form - stepping stones through dark terrain. I was initially a bit discombobulated by the switch from subtle to full on rhymes, but I'm getting a sort of Lewis Carrolian vibe - the exotic rubber trees entering what seemed an English landscape - and th...
by bjondon
Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tides
Replies: 17
Views: 304

Re: Tidal

Did I say gutturals? I meant fricatives, the short syllables, no nasals, bristling texture a very particular music. When you arrive at that end word 'mum' it feels like a sort of prize. Actually I'm seeing a sort of frame around this, the sheer canniness and verbal dexterity of the boy (plus all tho...
by bjondon
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tides
Replies: 17
Views: 304

Re: Tidal

Really enjoyed this mac, a rhythmic wonder. Something disturbing in the voice . . . the short, hard syllables, crisp gutturals . . . a hint of the macabre? Or maybe just the clipped emotion, hope held in check . . . in fact the end is cautiously optimistic, secretly generous belying the scathing obs...