Search found 349 matches

by Lia
Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:01 am
Forum: Barrie
Topic: Favourite Poem by Barrie
Replies: 15
Views: 6716

Re: Favourite Poem by Barrie

I'd like to suggest these.. Pheasant Moon - http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3981 Tuning Worms - http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5336 Humphrey Head - http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4567 Burning Oak Tops - http://www.poetsgraves.co....
by Lia
Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:56 am
Forum: Barrie
Topic: VERY SAD NEWS
Replies: 40
Views: 19256

Re: VERY SAD NEWS

I'm stunned. really I am. a wonderful and terrific man.. I hadn't heard from him for a little while. well I'm not sure what to say now to wish him on his way. I wish I had thanked him better though for all his chats, support and wisdom and above all his poems. He will be terribly missed

Lia
by Lia
Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: poem
Replies: 8
Views: 414

Re: poem

perhaps the indents are intentional? In which case I'm really liking the rhyme and timing of.. '[indent10][/indent10] blushing in the dark and' I'm sorry Don, it's just awfully quiet in here tonight. Please sort out those indents and I can have a better look at the poem. For what I can make out so f...
by Lia
Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Broadway/103rd Street
Replies: 5
Views: 349

Re: Broadway/103rd Street

Brilliant dedalus. You really engage the reader in this one with humour and details of New York. I've never been, but feel like I've experienced something of it now. Mind you, you've also homed in quite strongly on the Irish areas of NY, so I'm feeling like I experienced a bit of Ireland too! What s...
by Lia
Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the cat in the box
Replies: 12
Views: 541

Re: the cat in the box

A very compact triolet, og. And not a word wasted either. I was curious about Schrodinger's cat, so I went and did some reading. Shame there's no room in the poem to ask if the cat's alive. I hope so!

Much enjoyed,

Lia
by Lia
Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tuning Worms - (Re-strung)
Replies: 13
Views: 2053

Re: Tuning Worms - (Re-strung)

A bit o' country music a? You should send this somewhere, it's great. I couldn't help laughing and then felt a bit guilty afterwards considering the worm and that painful F sharp. Can't fault a single thing here. The title was very amusing too. Just adding to the vote, I think the 'bass' string shou...
by Lia
Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:46 pm
Forum: Barrie's Poems
Topic: Tuning Worms - (Re-strung)
Replies: 13
Views: 760

Re: Tuning Worms - (Re-strung)

A bit o' country music a? You should send this somewhere, it's great. I couldn't help laughing and then felt a bit guilty afterwards considering the worm and that painful F sharp. Can't fault a single thing here. The title was very amusing too. Just adding to the vote, I think the 'bass' string shou...
by Lia
Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Distance in Inches
Replies: 7
Views: 406

Re: The Distance in Inches

'Lia this is definitely one of my favorites.' .. I'm happy with that! Thanks very much, E. I'll make all the little edits in a second. But.. 'the reach for a glass - [a distance] in inches.' and 'overkill IMO' .. Gordon Bennett! Well, yeah it does cramp me rhythm a touch. I wanted to start and end w...
by Lia
Mon Jul 23, 2007 11:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fairgrounds in the Rain - Last Version. I Promise.
Replies: 27
Views: 1330

Re: Fairgrounds in the Rain

Dave, This is very good. Some terrific atmosphere and scene-setting. The fairground and the weather really emphasises the tragedy. I also found the ‘huddles’ and the thoughts on human nature fascinating. I do have a few suggestions that will hopefully help rather than hinder. The first was to do wit...
by Lia
Mon Jul 23, 2007 11:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Distance in Inches
Replies: 7
Views: 406

Re: The Distance in Inches

Thanks Barrie, I think ‘and’ was a timing thing but, looking at it now, it isn’t really doing a great deal. I’ll drop it. Thanks for the suggestion. The chap is familiar with the home. It may have been his once, but I think he’s just wishing it was his. Reading your thoughts, I don’t think I made en...
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 1:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Distance in Inches
Replies: 7
Views: 406

The Distance in Inches

. This should be his gate - coal paint peeling for the times it opened and closed, for the times he leant on it. It should be this suit, but without its jacket - cotton shirt, sleeves rolled back on weathered arms that pull an apple from the branches. As he bites in, he won't take his eyes from tho...
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The poet
Replies: 18
Views: 837

Re: The poet

David, congratulations! Dare I say it.. very subtle, shrewd and witty.

I like the slight touch of arrogance with..

'His judgements are swift, summary and ruthless,
and he cannot be persuaded he is mistaken.'

Very good.. the last line looks fine to me.

Lia
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: En Memoire de May
Replies: 7
Views: 356

Re: En Memoire de May

E, I’m familiar with this painting. I always imagined it as fish rushing to the surface of a river or lake--memories disturbing the calm of the mind. Mind you, the whales imagery does this similarly. It’s fascinating to read your interpretation and wonderfully crafted too. Love this.. ‘Zao Wu-ki’s b...
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Perhaps
Replies: 10
Views: 438

Re: Perhaps

Kris,

I can’t find criticisms with this other than the punctuation og has already suggested. It’s private and pensive.. well executed too (that really wasn’t any kind of pun!). Terrific writing.. actually, you’ve been writing some particularly good stuff lately.

Lia
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:11 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cathedral St. Pierre
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: Cathedral St. Pierre

Hello E, I do like a bit of romance now and again. I like the revision. It suits this format better than couplets, because of the opening. It could even do free-verse.. There, a pigeon coos on the sill, here, love sails on blue damask. Her mouth swollen to burst, his stung by her bee. She could lay ...
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madman's Wisp (edited)
Replies: 13
Views: 2706

Re: Madman's Wisp

Barrie, I had a little bit of trouble with ‘shift’ too. Are you saying.. ‘Flitting wings, in each dark room, shift the covering dust of years,’ ? If you are, then it might need a full-stop after ‘here’ in the previous line. Or maybe I’ve miss interpreted and it’s just a different punc. thing? This i...
by Lia
Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:05 am
Forum: Barrie's Poems
Topic: Madman's Wisp (edited)
Replies: 13
Views: 768

Re: Madman's Wisp

Barrie, I had a little bit of trouble with ‘shift’ too. Are you saying.. ‘Flitting wings, in each dark room, shift the covering dust of years,’ ? If you are, then it might need a full-stop after ‘here’ in the previous line. Or maybe I’ve miss interpreted and it’s just a different punc. thing? This i...
by Lia
Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woods
Replies: 11
Views: 552

Re: Woods

Actually, what about this idea?.. 'Without the flint of city evenings; sparks catching on a sky momentarily, you were lost in the dousing. You wanted visibility and found it at the end of a journey where the gorse, yellowed like bright signposts, could draw you to a naked hill and its single tree-- ...
by Lia
Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dragonfly
Replies: 12
Views: 699

Re: Dragonfly

It is a lovely poem, E. I’m glad you brought it here. This part and the ending are particularly well crafted.. ‘You ask me if I’ve seen something beautiful. I consider thirteen ways to look at you, most of them underwater. From a lily pad I watch you eat larvae, nymphs lifeless in the pond.’ I love ...
by Lia
Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: ...no peas
Replies: 15
Views: 725

Re: ...no peas

'When he dies I’ll batter him, as tears run down my lips, then place him on a dinner plate and serve him up with chips…..' haha! .. oh dear. Very witty Barrie. You really should stock up your cupboards though! I was needing to read something light and humorous, thanks very much. 'He comes down to th...
by Lia
Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:15 pm
Forum: Barrie's Poems
Topic: ...no peas
Replies: 15
Views: 830

Re: ...no peas

'When he dies I’ll batter him, as tears run down my lips, then place him on a dinner plate and serve him up with chips…..' haha! .. oh dear. Very witty Barrie. You really should stock up your cupboards though! I was needing to read something light and humorous, thanks very much. 'He comes down to th...
by Lia
Thu Jul 12, 2007 4:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woods
Replies: 11
Views: 552

Re: Woods

Thanks very much, E. I'm glad you like this. I should have left the original S3 up to show the differences. I've put it up now, at the bottom of the poem. I took og's advice and removed some of the details like the car and then restructured so that it didn't feel like a separate poem to the rest. An...
by Lia
Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woods
Replies: 11
Views: 552

Re: Woods

Thank you for coming back with your thoughts, og. You echo mine completely with that third S. I think it loses the voice of the poem and you're right, the punctuation is all over the place. I've been working on a second draft of that third S which I'll put up in a second. It was actually some of you...
by Lia
Tue Jul 10, 2007 9:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woods
Replies: 11
Views: 552

Re: Woods

Thanks Geoff. Personally I don't think I caught that third S quite right. Something's missing and I've been trying a second draft with it, but I can't quite pin it down yet. Anyway, glad you liked the ending. Thanks Barrie, I might just give Bletchley a try now that you've said that!--or has it re-o...
by Lia
Mon Jul 09, 2007 10:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Woods
Replies: 11
Views: 552

Woods

. You weren’t like them, not this crowd, this city of trees, each bole closely housed with the next, rooftops competing. But they fascinated you. Nightjars sneaking across town squares of openness, sun on their backs, caught like thieves and pinned like random interruptions. How you wanted to expla...