The Poets' Graves Workshop

Pantomime?

Awsome write. Thoroughly enjoyed, no gripes. Well done. Regards Terry

Hi Mac, your comments and suggestions are welcome as always. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Regards Terry

Crayon, slip my hand into yours, simply means hold my hand. Merry Christmas

Luce, I did originally write the poem with themes juxtaposed to one another, but it just seemed too heavy, so went for a two pronged approach. Actually, I expected to get bad reviews, but it is my submission for Christmas and I seem incapable of doing any better. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Re...

I Slip my hand into yours and let me walk with you. Let the vision of Christmas whisper across your face. Last minute presents wrapped around the tree. Children in bed, wishing Christmas morning had already won the race. Packages and torn paper laying across a floor full of excited shrieks and hugs ...

Mac, thanks for the insight. I'll give it a go. Regards Terry

I like the mind battle going on throughout. I also liked the refrain, not over done. A good poem. Regards Terry

Double the the S3 L1

Hi Tony, no you're not being negative, if that's what you read. But, S2 is a natural extension of S1, with the beating and battering theme. Actually, I believe this poem to be a cohesive and coherent piece of work. Sorry you don't see it. Regards Terry

This is my 5th Edit to this poem. Hopefully, it has become a feasible work

Now, that's a poem I understand. Thanks. However, 'there are' instead of 'there're' is a little more edifying I think. Regards Terry

Lou, cracking poem from start to finish. I feel like I've read a book, so much was the detailed verbal. Well done. Regards Terry

Hi David, yes I read the book in my twenties. And yes, it was arduous. I'm a slow reader at the best of times. At the moment I'm revisiting Animal Farm. Who knows Cerventes may be next. I always found it fascinating that he wrote the books whilst a prisoner of fortune. Thank you for your high praise...

Nice input Mac. Great suggestions

Me and poetry must be at odds. This sounds more like a diatribe written for a script/play/book/etc. I must learn to broaden my poetic horizons, because all of the previous comments can't be that wrong. Regards Terry

1st Edit Rise up, Scion of La Mancha. Destiny orbited all that you were and encompassed all that you possessed. Windmills stood ten-fold to the fore when you readied your lance. The whipped hide and ungulated hoofs of your barn nag cantered towards betrayal. Your voice was virtuous in timbre against...

Luce, no worries. Poems are personal and so remain hard to substitute for outsiders. Regards Terry

'The green intense friction of wreath' etc. Any help?

I'm with Lou, the sum of the parts are not as clear as the parts themselves. But, this does not detract from the sheer strength and dominance of some of the phrasing used in this piece. I like it. Regards Terry

'The laurelled green intensity of wreaths and scorching reds
of Christmas dresses'. Only a suggestion Luce. Regards Terry

Hi Luce,

Would prefer 'fervent greens and scorching reds'. Even then, I believe there is a more precise word waiting to replace 'fervent'. Just my humble opinion. I love sleepers set on he'll, very vivid. Regards Terry

Hi Luce, suggestions noted. I tried moody thoughts, but I gave it a miss the first time I wrote the poem. Hopefully the latest word fits a little better. Regards Terry

Tonymac, thank you for your comments and suggestions. Regards Terry

Luce, as always invaluable suggestions and steerage. Regards Terry