Search found 292 matches

by trobbo44
Sat Dec 24, 2016 1:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Proper Pantoumime
Replies: 19
Views: 1961

Re: A Proper Pantoumime

Pantomime?
by trobbo44
Sat Dec 24, 2016 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Words of a Travelling Man
Replies: 4
Views: 746

Re: Words of a Travelling Man

Awsome write. Thoroughly enjoyed, no gripes. Well done. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 23, 2016 10:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: So, this is Christmas (1st Edit)
Replies: 6
Views: 920

Re: So, This is Christmas

Hi Mac, your comments and suggestions are welcome as always. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: So, this is Christmas (1st Edit)
Replies: 6
Views: 920

Re: So, This is Christmas

Crayon, slip my hand into yours, simply means hold my hand. Merry Christmas
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 23, 2016 3:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: So, this is Christmas (1st Edit)
Replies: 6
Views: 920

Re: So, This is Christmas

Luce, I did originally write the poem with themes juxtaposed to one another, but it just seemed too heavy, so went for a two pronged approach. Actually, I expected to get bad reviews, but it is my submission for Christmas and I seem incapable of doing any better. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Re...
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 23, 2016 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: So, this is Christmas (1st Edit)
Replies: 6
Views: 920

So, this is Christmas (1st Edit)

I Slip my hand into yours and let me walk with you. Let the vision of Christmas whisper across your face. Last minute presents wrapped around the tree. Children in bed, wishing Christmas morning had already won the race. Packages and torn paper laying across a floor full of excited shrieks and hugs ...
by trobbo44
Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shrouded Sins ( 5th Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1198

Re: Shrouded Sins ( 5th Edit )

Mac, thanks for the insight. I'll give it a go. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 18, 2016 1:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Perfect Gift
Replies: 10
Views: 1146

Re: The Perfect Gift

I like the mind battle going on throughout. I also liked the refrain, not over done. A good poem. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 18, 2016 12:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Press Rewind, and Play.
Replies: 9
Views: 1198

Re: Storm in a tea-cup.

Double the the S3 L1
by trobbo44
Sat Dec 17, 2016 11:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shrouded Sins ( 5th Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1198

Re: Shrouded Sins ( 5th Edit )

Hi Tony, no you're not being negative, if that's what you read. But, S2 is a natural extension of S1, with the beating and battering theme. Actually, I believe this poem to be a cohesive and coherent piece of work. Sorry you don't see it. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shrouded Sins ( 5th Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1198

Re: Darkness Overcome ( 5th Edit )

This is my 5th Edit to this poem. Hopefully, it has become a feasible work
by trobbo44
Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Letter to Georgie - Rev II (Was entitled "What if..?")
Replies: 17
Views: 1597

Re: A Letter to Georgie (Previously entitled "What if..?")

Now, that's a poem I understand. Thanks. However, 'there are' instead of 'there're' is a little more edifying I think. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Little Mayor
Replies: 18
Views: 1775

Re: Little Mayor

Lou, cracking poem from start to finish. I feel like I've read a book, so much was the detailed verbal. Well done. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 11, 2016 6:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Elegy for a Knight (1st Edit)
Replies: 4
Views: 684

Re: Elegy for a Knight (1st Edit)

Hi David, yes I read the book in my twenties. And yes, it was arduous. I'm a slow reader at the best of times. At the moment I'm revisiting Animal Farm. Who knows Cerventes may be next. I always found it fascinating that he wrote the books whilst a prisoner of fortune. Thank you for your high praise...
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 11, 2016 3:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Elegy for a Knight (1st Edit)
Replies: 4
Views: 684

Re: Elegy for a Knight

Nice input Mac. Great suggestions
by trobbo44
Sun Dec 11, 2016 1:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Letter to Georgie - Rev II (Was entitled "What if..?")
Replies: 17
Views: 1597

Re: What if...?

Me and poetry must be at odds. This sounds more like a diatribe written for a script/play/book/etc. I must learn to broaden my poetic horizons, because all of the previous comments can't be that wrong. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Sat Dec 10, 2016 7:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Elegy for a Knight (1st Edit)
Replies: 4
Views: 684

Elegy for a Knight (1st Edit)

1st Edit Rise up, Scion of La Mancha. Destiny orbited all that you were and encompassed all that you possessed. Windmills stood ten-fold to the fore when you readied your lance. The whipped hide and ungulated hoofs of your barn nag cantered towards betrayal. Your voice was virtuous in timbre against...
by trobbo44
Sat Dec 10, 2016 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV
Replies: 17
Views: 1631

Re: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV

Luce, no worries. Poems are personal and so remain hard to substitute for outsiders. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 09, 2016 11:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV
Replies: 17
Views: 1631

Re: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV

'The green intense friction of wreath' etc. Any help?
by trobbo44
Thu Dec 08, 2016 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: While granddad sleeps (revision2)
Replies: 12
Views: 1110

Re: While granddad snores

I'm with Lou, the sum of the parts are not as clear as the parts themselves. But, this does not detract from the sheer strength and dominance of some of the phrasing used in this piece. I like it. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Thu Dec 08, 2016 10:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV
Replies: 17
Views: 1631

Re: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV

'The laurelled green intensity of wreaths and scorching reds
of Christmas dresses'. Only a suggestion Luce. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV
Replies: 17
Views: 1631

Re: Fried Ice Cream - Syllabic Verse - Revision IV

Hi Luce,

Would prefer 'fervent greens and scorching reds'. Even then, I believe there is a more precise word waiting to replace 'fervent'. Just my humble opinion. I love sleepers set on he'll, very vivid. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rainy Days (3rd Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1195

Re: Rainy Days (3rd Edit )

Hi Luce, suggestions noted. I tried moody thoughts, but I gave it a miss the first time I wrote the poem. Hopefully the latest word fits a little better. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Wed Nov 23, 2016 6:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rainy Days (3rd Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1195

Re: Rainy Days (2nd Edit )

Tonymac, thank you for your comments and suggestions. Regards Terry
by trobbo44
Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rainy Days (3rd Edit )
Replies: 9
Views: 1195

Re: Rainy Days (1st Edit )

Luce, as always invaluable suggestions and steerage. Regards Terry