Search found 169 matches

by RCJames
Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Voyage in Question (revision3)
Replies: 10
Views: 774

Re: The Voyage in Question (revision2)

Thank you both for spending time on this. I see it as a couple within a group moving somewhere else. I've tried with the latest attempt to come
up with a compromise between the minimal version and the 1st revision. I need to let it sit awhile - RC
by RCJames
Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Voyage in Question (revision3)
Replies: 10
Views: 774

Re: The Voyage in Question (revision2)

Perry - The problem for me is that I don't know what that meaning is (of course, I didn't know what it meant before either). Do you know? Does Ross know? Is this a poem that is supposed to be felt instead of understood? It is supposed to be "felt" more than clearly understood, but my intention, roug...
by RCJames
Sat Dec 01, 2018 3:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Voyage in Question (revision3)
Replies: 10
Views: 774

Re: The Voyage in Question

archaic got tangled up with cliche on this - tried to revise it with neither - Thanks for the honest reactions - RC
by RCJames
Sat Dec 01, 2018 7:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Voyage in Question (revision3)
Replies: 10
Views: 774

The Voyage in Question (revision3)

On the mantlepiece, a single rose; outside, a morning filled with mist covering the field, oddly reassuring. We’re leaving, with or without your nightly phantoms, who, spitefully, claim they’ve won. We’ll reverse the confusion, our fears welcoming a bird from land beyond other land. Knowledge gained...
by RCJames
Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Romeo and Juliet Redux
Replies: 6
Views: 1761

Re: Romeo and Juliet Redux

Revision - title changed to Romeo & Juliet - Redux
by RCJames
Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Your Play
Replies: 3
Views: 1685

Re: Your Play

Thanks Ross - cut and snip seems to be the way to go - I appreciate your look and advice. RC
by RCJames
Wed May 23, 2018 9:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Your Play
Replies: 3
Views: 1685

Your Play

Here you are, full of yourself and everything surrounding you. You don’t wait for responses to the wishes, not to say commands, you send out in vibrant sounds. You advance the night, disguised with fervor, a wild phosphorescence, a taste for the extreme, the untried solution. You, the magician of qu...
by RCJames
Wed May 23, 2018 9:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poem in Memoriam Lou Reed (after Adrian Henri)
Replies: 6
Views: 2583

Re: Poem in Memoriam Lou Reed (after Adrian Henri)

Camus - You got the connection - the way he would have dug - I'd have preferred to have been out the night before receiving the news the next day, hung-over and hypercoagulable --------I don't think the word does much for the continuity or rhythm of the piece - slumped in a greasy spoon, diluting vi...
by RCJames
Wed May 23, 2018 9:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Finally after twenty years of listening to jazz
Replies: 6
Views: 2381

Re: Finallly after twenty years of listening to jazz

Luke is easier - so - Luke - maybe get rid of one of the l's in the title and a comma after Finally??? The title grabbed me -= as a blues and jazz fan and player - it led me to the thought - after twenty years I finally understand a little something about it, more about it, appreciate it more. I und...
by RCJames
Mon May 21, 2018 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Romeo and Juliet Redux
Replies: 6
Views: 1761

Romeo and Juliet Redux

1lankest - Glad you enjoyed it - interesting you place the dialect as British Midlands - I'm from New Hampshire and have always been intrigued by a similarity in the old-timer's NH accent - "Ayuh - I 'spose whut we oughta do is ta check on the heffuhz in the fah meddow." Borrowed to some degree from...
by RCJames
Sun May 20, 2018 6:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Romeo and Juliet Redux
Replies: 6
Views: 1761

Re: Amour Bummer - R&J Redux

Macavity - Thanks for your look - meant as a playful parody of Romeo and Juliet in modern street/drug jargon - "coon hounds" is a little out of synch with the rest - but had to leave the project before dementia set in - RC they found refuge inside a dream bell jar. I think you're right, is the key p...
by RCJames
Wed May 16, 2018 2:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Romeo and Juliet Redux
Replies: 6
Views: 1761

Romeo and Juliet Redux

Poppin’ off at each other, cuddies were, young kinky murrr! to a snoopy neighbor, nasty shit-hounds worryin’ a preacher. Hid out from a peepin’ nose-head stalker, blown away by each other, hearts full jar, gave each other a dose of neon blue. Fam’lies pissed as tom's in a gay cat bar, the twosome ju...
by RCJames
Wed May 16, 2018 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pleading Chanted
Replies: 8
Views: 1982

Re: Pleading Chanted

churinga - the 1st stanza really sings - not a hitch
the rest pretty much falls in line with that beginning.

Boats bob at their moorings. Tendrils curl.
A Mandelbrot equation growing out.
Lopsided grins belie the eyes' directness.
Car horns honk displeasure like a shout.
by RCJames
Sat May 12, 2018 12:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Rock 'n Roll Roulette
Replies: 6
Views: 1615

Re: Rock 'n Roll Roulette

Ross - I just left a forum here because the majority of posts were in the form of prose w/ line breaks - and than wildly personally associative comments following it - social hour at the trailer park. Not a specific in-line crit anywhere in sight. My favorite poets - Emily Dickinson and Gerard Manle...
by RCJames
Fri May 11, 2018 10:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Rock 'n Roll Roulette
Replies: 6
Views: 1615

Re: Rock 'n Roll Roulette

The repetition of this line A typo during editing his microphones backfired a metaphor for his career coming to an explosive end I am not a great fan of the no frills style of poetry so popular in America, it can become dull. I think this poem suffers somewhat for being in that style try rap for "n...
by RCJames
Fri May 11, 2018 4:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Rock 'n Roll Roulette
Replies: 6
Views: 1615

Re: Rock 'n Roll Roulette

Something like focusing on the ring the slain woman was wearing
instead of the circumstances of the murder itself. - RC
by RCJames
Wed May 09, 2018 2:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Rock 'n Roll Roulette
Replies: 6
Views: 1615

Rock 'n Roll Roulette

Baseball caps pointed backwards, small-town lowriders cruise across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs with over-size chrome mag tires. Four old ranchers stand in a circle, telling stories and laughing as dusk moves in over the palisade. Hank, complimenting the cowboy tableau, sings Honky Tonk Blues on ...
by RCJames
Wed May 09, 2018 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Walking Into Beauty
Replies: 12
Views: 1729

Re: Walking Into Beauty

[quote="churinga"]Walking Into Beauty Clouds mass like voices. Fish swirl and imitate the rocks. -----these two lines are particularly inventive and appealing Waves preach an endless sermon, saying, Listen now, listen, we’re kneeling, why not you? -------------Why not? enjoyed this - a nice fresh br...
by RCJames
Wed May 09, 2018 2:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Opening Up
Replies: 10
Views: 1398

Re: Opening Up

She’s learnt to show, not to tell, lines are slant and yet direct us to this texted flesh. Imagine her gasp as blood collects and stamps its autograph; striking out of the blue and off the cuff, to discover how it felt is reason enough and matter of fact. We hope it’s just an early flag and she is ...
by RCJames
Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Re: Lifting Fog

Not - Thamks for the suggestions - am pleased with how it has shaped up - probably more to go -= always seems to be - RC
by RCJames
Thu Apr 26, 2018 6:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Re: Lifting Fog

There is no sense of dissatisfaction (that I could detect), rather the opposite.

not - I agree - but, at my age, some of us would like to say so-long in just such a peaceful way. - RC
by RCJames
Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Re: Lifting Fog

JJ - Thanks for the comments - glad you liked it - I will change "dance" - as others pointed out it doesn't quite fit skittish dogs. not - Some good points - will take a while to consider and edit accordingly - one point right off the bat - in my experience, dogs bark - just bark - running through w...
by RCJames
Wed Apr 25, 2018 11:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Re: Lifting Fog

churinga - Yah, I like the longer line format better. Thanks for the suggestion -= RC
by RCJames
Wed Apr 25, 2018 2:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Re: Lifting Fog

I'm not a big fan of vignettes - and this all happened within the space of a half hour - It's all
a kind of unified emotional, experiential rush for me - so, there are no divisional points in
it for me. Now different brands of vinaigrettes I like - RC
by RCJames
Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lifting Fog
Replies: 12
Views: 1292

Lifting Fog

there’s heavy ground fog this morning, only black, sentry-still tree tops are visible, stripped weeks ago in a northeaster that shook the saplings into a puppet frenzy. Angie and Captain whine at the door; I shush them, they nose-bump the glass, then are gone through the first crack, bounding down t...