Search found 48 matches

by rossdalglish
Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Crunchies? [v2]
Replies: 9
Views: 1149

Re: Crunchies?

Hello Crayon, I thought I was reading a sentimental poem about cats, which I can happily live without. But there's a lot more going on here that prompts re-reads. It's funny for a start and then it tells us about the curious relationship, when seen objectively, that people develop with animals. And ...
by rossdalglish
Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cream Tea at Victoria's (Revised)
Replies: 6
Views: 822

Re: Cream Tea

I tried a Devon cream tea once JJ. I'm not sure my experience was the same as yours but I do know that for the rest of the day I couldn't eat anything else. So for me, the richness of the poem's language suits its subject. Since Ros planted the double entendre interpretation, I can't make it go away...
by rossdalglish
Wed Sep 21, 2016 12:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blackberry Picking
Replies: 18
Views: 2512

Re: Blackberry Picking

Charming childhood reflections JJ, without being over sentimental. I like the 'volte' into harsh realism halfway through and its shift from mum to dad. I think S3 falls below your usual standards, the rhymes feel a little forced. Otherwise unerring meter and a pleasure to read.
RD
by rossdalglish
Fri Aug 19, 2016 7:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Moderating the Immoderate at the Park (quatrain format)
Replies: 18
Views: 1991

Re: Moderating the Immoderate at the Park

Perfect choice of rhyme scheme and rhythm JJ, which contribute to an ideal, lighthearted tone for the subject. Full of wisdom for a resigned approach to children's demands, and not just restricted to the park I'm sure. Very funny comeback at the end. Excellent.
RD
by rossdalglish
Mon Jul 11, 2016 10:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Her Morning Goodbye (revised)
Replies: 17
Views: 1491

Re: Her Morning Goodbye

Thanks for the multi-purpose metaphor Mac. Something could be ending without any fuss. Four concise lines around one image yet full of meaning, feel and interpretation.
RD
by rossdalglish
Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pointing
Replies: 9
Views: 1100

Re: Pointing

It's good to be taken down among the street debris on a Monday morning and made to think. It doesn't feel contemporary, with the phone box scene for example (broken glasses?) and there's a link to childhood through the chalk/games. Is it someone you'd known in more carefree times? S7 is nice and cou...
by rossdalglish
Sat May 14, 2016 9:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Take me off the beaten track
Replies: 12
Views: 1348

Re: Just off the M62 Westbound

I like your apparent avoidance of sentiment Ton. It could be more animated in the way Mac suggests but the technique of leaving descriptive place names to do the work produces a pleasing, repetitive rhythm. Westbound may be more agreeable but isn't the poem heading the other way? Reminds me of It's ...
by rossdalglish
Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Elementary Catastrophe Theory
Replies: 13
Views: 1448

Re: Elementary Catastrophe Theory

Ros, I like how your borrowing of a text book style allows for syntax that would seem a little odd in a poem, were it not for the word 'Theory' in the title. I see what Peter means about scientific awareness but I think all that's required is a memory of how scientific theory is (or once was) presen...
by rossdalglish
Tue Mar 29, 2016 3:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: hemispheres
Replies: 7
Views: 773

Re: hemispheres

Thank you Luce, JJ, Ray, Mac, Ian and Ton for taking the time to read and review. The poem is about drugs use, using opposites (warm/cold, good/bad, north/south, the polar swap, escape/confinement) as a feature of substance abuse, how ultimately it will lead you to the opposite of whatever it promis...
by rossdalglish
Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: hemispheres
Replies: 7
Views: 773

hemispheres

he said he’d take you where the sea began and time cried its infant hours where fates make way and palms hush pain where south heated beaches tame your waves wear that posh summer frock he said till he read up on some daft pole swap says it’s found round here these days on upstairs seat in arctic ch...
by rossdalglish
Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Gray Devil
Replies: 6
Views: 690

Re: The Gray Devil

Hello Rivules. We are our own worst enemies is an interesting theme and rich in potential. As a first poem I think it's a good start from which to build. The poem could've continued with the cave metaphor, rather than explain it in lines 8 and 9. It's a strong enough metaphor to take the reader wher...
by rossdalglish
Sun Mar 20, 2016 9:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Regression
Replies: 7
Views: 1082

Re: Regression

Good fun Ray. I had no idea Regression Therapy existed until I looked it up just now. It's available on Skype! Maybe PG posters were once famous poets and this is some sort of purgatory. I'll let you know. ABAB is a perfect choice for this tone of satire. Special rates for those on benefits and S4 a...
by rossdalglish
Fri Mar 11, 2016 5:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Escapee (revision2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1074

Re: Escapee

I agree with Ray in that some poetry can leave me wondering if there's any point to it. However in this case Mac you've played with is a clear theme of something exotic being considered out of place. The title suggests that and the red brick wall is, to me, shorthand for a non-exotic setting. Person...
by rossdalglish
Fri Mar 11, 2016 1:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Watching Dad (Final revision)
Replies: 29
Views: 2533

Re: Watching Dad (revision 2)

Clever title JJ. I suppose watching is often what's left for loved ones to do at such times. It also introduces the somewhat detached observations of the process of dying. There's a sadness in the poem but unlike Peter, I couldn't really find the depth of feeling, even cancer gets off lightly. For m...
by rossdalglish
Fri Feb 26, 2016 9:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: untitled
Replies: 11
Views: 1244

Re: untitled

Hello David, The mitts/digits rhyme is nice. I get ‘breath deep’ but wouldn't ‘breathe’ be another option, working with ‘beneath’ in a different way? And the telescope metaphor could probably look after itself without ‘put to the eye’ in line 8. This is a great subject for a poem. I’ve done this job...
by rossdalglish
Tue Feb 09, 2016 11:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Worth Of Us
Replies: 9
Views: 867

Re: The Worth Of Us

I thought at first this was a modern re-working of the masterpiece 'Yellow Belly Custard' but there's obviously a lot more to it than that. I like the de-humanizing impression it gave me and the two fingers to sentimentality, culminating in the 'An Arundel Tomb' style ending. I can't imagine this po...
by rossdalglish
Tue Feb 09, 2016 11:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Removing
Replies: 6
Views: 617

Re: Removing

Your switch from 'they' to 'we' in the revision is a good decision Ros. This, and the new title, is a definite nudge from the literal to the metaphorical. It works really well as a life/death metaphor, whether the commute/end of commute or even the working week versus the weekend. The run-ons lend a...
by rossdalglish
Thu Feb 04, 2016 4:06 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Dove Cottage
Replies: 12
Views: 3281

Re: Dove Cottage

Excellent drawing JJ. It puts me in mind of an overcast summer's day when the sun breaks through, that quality of light, a bit breezy too. I wish I were there now with Mrs D for a walk up to Alcock Tarn.
RD
by rossdalglish
Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Post 2016
Replies: 9
Views: 1040

Re: Post 2016

Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I'm pleased the poem works more or less as intended. It began as I delivered door-to-door, the repetitive, rhythmic feel of plodding up and down garden paths, the things you see and a chat with a real postman. Pointless progress is about right Peter. Thanks ...
by rossdalglish
Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stains
Replies: 6
Views: 749

Re: Stains

I like the way this uses a grumpy supernatural figure to poke fun at supernatural beliefs. It could probably be trimmed here and there but an interesting sort of poetic fable.
Cheers Mike.
RD
by rossdalglish
Fri Jan 29, 2016 7:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Post 2016
Replies: 9
Views: 1040

Post 2016

Your letterbox defines you your signature conceals your parcels aren’t with neighbours your neighbourhood can’t watch your traffic softly waits by your gardens hardly kempt your signs should warn beware of your fetish for your bins your semis aren’t yet post-war your roofs not now flood proof your g...
by rossdalglish
Tue Jan 05, 2016 9:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Undone
Replies: 8
Views: 1009

Re: Undone

Hello daveinsocal,

You communicate a clear sense of lasting hurt the author still feels from a past injury. It would be a stronger poem if it relied a little less on overused phrases, or if you were to replace them with more of your own original thinking, which is evident elsewhere.

RD
by rossdalglish
Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Turner Prize
Replies: 10
Views: 1710

Re: The Turner Prize

Hello the stranger. Is it the Turner Prize or conceptual art in general that the poem dislikes? Maybe we're drawn in each year by the fuss made by commentators. Anyway I suppose Turner was no stranger to controversy in his time. Your poem is itself modern, certainly free of form. It would be interes...
by rossdalglish
Mon Dec 07, 2015 2:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Things look different when seen through water
Replies: 14
Views: 1907

Re: Things look different when seen through water

It's an interesting piece Ros, does it need a full re-think? It succeeds in calling to mind the idea of eventually making a change and is somehow stirring in that way. S2 is packed with metaphor, down-water is intriguing when hyphenated and I thought turning on a sixpence was a skill, so for me, mak...
by rossdalglish
Wed Nov 18, 2015 2:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Barry Island
Replies: 13
Views: 1449

Re: Barry Island

A daring poem penguin, to share your uncomfortable reactions. Readers from all backgrounds, if they were honest, would recognize some of those feelings to some degree, not just Daily Mail readers. I cringed in the obvious places but the line 'Look how many Muslims' came from nowhere on first reading...