Search found 136 matches

by steamboats
Sun Apr 03, 2016 9:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Let me go off the rails
Replies: 9
Views: 1201

Re: Let me go off the rails

Like it. Think the second stanza is a bit wordy, prosy. Think of ditching the line. 'One by one they try and push each other over the next one'? Would improve it, in my opinion.
by steamboats
Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Sky
Replies: 5
Views: 855

Re: The Sky

No sure you can live your life separate from air? Seems a curious statement. Like the tone of this and find myself wanting to appreciate the last three lines more but I'm not sure I know what they amount to. 'The space of night (which is) close to forever, imagined by'....drops of air and light. Nic...
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 1:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Red Letter Day
Replies: 8
Views: 860

Red Letter Day

On the bus back from the clinic, his face in the racing pages, Bob grips an envelope. He says all he has is leftovers, a few stumps, and the pain isn't them, those old ghosts of teeth, but the cancer back again. I'll no tell the wife. He rubs his chin and skims the columns, the disasters and dreams,...
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Walking Vicariously on Exmoor (was Vicarious)
Replies: 14
Views: 1498

Re: Walking Vicariously on Exmoor (was Vicarious)

Is that version 3? Hope so, I love it. The rhyme suspicion and competition brings a sudden squealing halt to the flow though. Apart from that I think it's quite beautiful.
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Raising Kids
Replies: 7
Views: 754

Re: Raising Kids

Love it. Am living it. Only thing to my eye, or my ear, is inconsistencies in rhythm verses 3 and 4. Maybe it's my old ear. Beautifully perceived piece.
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 9:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Holy Innocents' Day 2015 Revised
Replies: 8
Views: 945

Re: Holy Innocents' Day 2015

Very lush and sensual. Maybe a bit overripe at times, marvellous though the word deliquescence is. As in all rich word sketches you're left wondering what's under all the cream, what does the poem actually say? Maybe it doesn't have to say anything. I remember writing a poem I was very proud of, abo...
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 9:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Don't Forget the Flowers (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 1032

Re: Don't Forget the Flowers

Like this. I take David's point about parts of it being a bit prosy. In stanza 5 for instance the first five lines, if you ended the first sentence at 'return', then go to 'The place she'd once occupied......' It would establish more rhythm. I like the conversational tone but there's the odd jarring...
by steamboats
Thu Mar 03, 2016 9:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bootstraps (revised ending...)
Replies: 12
Views: 1344

Re: Bootstraps

Like it. I was in a museum in Barcelona recently that was arranged like that and the same things occurred to me. This will work well as a rant, perhaps with a more developed denouement?
by steamboats
Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:50 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Poetry Projects?
Replies: 13
Views: 5451

Re: Poetry Projects?

Ewe jokers
by steamboats
Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Origin of the Fairy Hills
Replies: 8
Views: 1153

Re: Origin of the Fairy Hills

Feel the first three lines in stanza 2 are too cluttered. Love the last line of stanza one, it's great. I agree about the scarlet woman, she's a bit of a red herring.
by steamboats
Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Surveillance
Replies: 8
Views: 950

Re: Surveillance

I think it's a great story too and, in spite of the rhymes and some lines being quite rhythmical, I feel it would work better and have more impact, as a prose piece
by steamboats
Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:15 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Poetry Projects?
Replies: 13
Views: 5451

Re: Poetry Projects?

I have been in a cave obsessively writing about sheep for the last six months, and am publishing a pamphlet about it soon
by steamboats
Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:32 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Antiphon issue 15 - recordings
Replies: 9
Views: 1848

Re: Antiphon issue 15 - recordings

Enjoyed doing mine, though I think I'm trying to sound like a pound shop Sorley Maclean
by steamboats
Sun Feb 15, 2015 10:44 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Currently reading poetry books
Replies: 50
Views: 13456

Re: Currently reading poetry books

Reading Andrew Greig's wonderful book about Norman MacCaig 'At the Loch of the. Green Corrie'. And Ian Crichton Smith as usual......Is this not the best poem ever? It neither was the words nor yet the tune Any tune would have done and any words. Any listener at all. As nightingales in rocks or a chi...
by steamboats
Fri Feb 13, 2015 1:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I See White Birds Walk on Ice
Replies: 11
Views: 1182

Re: I See White Birds Walk on Ice

There is indeed a horse called Shotavodka. Don't bet on it! Interesting to see the Armitage poem
by steamboats
Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I See White Birds Walk on Ice
Replies: 11
Views: 1182

I See White Birds Walk on Ice

The phone shakes with the message of another death, a man caught in mid anecdote by a haemorrhage, and not a drop of lager spilled. I am counting the trees on Ward Law, tall pines that pierce the sky: it is winter, as always; birds move on glazed fields. A thing that worries me disproportionately is...
by steamboats
Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Going
Replies: 19
Views: 1606

Re: Going

Sentiments I can associate with well. I'll be the last to go long after the children have receded ...to these amicable creatures who know? They have already receded by the sound of it. Would it be simpler to say I'll be the last to go. The children have already receded.....? I'm stumbling a bit over...
by steamboats
Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Eating Seafood
Replies: 7
Views: 921

Re: Eating Seafood

God what's wenge?
by steamboats
Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My True Name Is Ezekiel, was Goes Good with Grapefruit (CTG)
Replies: 6
Views: 820

Re: Goes Good with Grapefruit (CTG)

I do like this sort of stream of consciousness stuff so much better than the obdurate and impenetrable images you occasionally encounter here. Not sure what it contributes to the great poetry mainframe - but as an example of human thought and connection translated into words, I think it's good
by steamboats
Thu Feb 05, 2015 2:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Eating Seafood
Replies: 7
Views: 921

Eating Seafood

February, all light is bulbs or wrung through clouds like grey underwear, the sun is bright lemon only in drawings stuck to the brick. Where are you as I stare at this plastic tablecloth counting the white dots that blur like snow on a field? You are eating seafood, of course, in some bar or restaur...
by steamboats
Thu Feb 05, 2015 2:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grey Squirrel (Rev.)
Replies: 22
Views: 2358

Re: Grey Squirrel

Great last verse, and good work generally. I can't navigate through the second verse, the imagery is too private or too dense.
They're busy setting pine martens on the grey squirrels here!
by steamboats
Sun Feb 01, 2015 7:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Washing Lines
Replies: 32
Views: 2424

Re: Washing Lines

Great poem, but spectre-boned a major flaw, conjures up a sorts of distracting images. However, ignore me if you want.....
by steamboats
Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Washing Lines
Replies: 32
Views: 2424

Re: Washing Lines

Really like it, especially folded you neatly back to death. Do you think spectre-boned is too extravagant an image for what is a powerfully understated poem?
by steamboats
Mon Jan 26, 2015 2:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poetising The Middle Tide Zone
Replies: 13
Views: 1204

Re: Poetising The Middle Tide Zone

Very good. Drop the exclamation mark and replace with colon then 'lug holed vestiges, sequestered witch pools exposed twice daily'? Not entirely convinced by 'such as ghosts may exist'. I'd maybe be tempted by just 'exist as ghosts'. I might also drop 'mystic', it's implied. That also improves the f...