Search found 11 matches

by keith
Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:55 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Mobile viewing
Replies: 5
Views: 1675

Re: Mobile viewing

Welcome to the world of Android :) I absolutely love my phone and use it for just about everything - for playing mp3s, games, the internet, email, web development, banking, sat nav. Oh, and phone calls too... As for your question, there are a couple, but I've never tried them and they don't rank too...
by keith
Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Kiss (v2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1444

Re: Kiss (v2)

The revision has a very dramatic impact on the mood of the poem. In the first version, the end adds a lightheartedness which is entirely missing from the second - and conversely, a tinge of cynicism to the second absent from the first. Now personally, I prefer the revised version, but I'm not entire...
by keith
Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Fall of Moon dust (revision)
Replies: 15
Views: 1603

Re: A Fall of Moon dust

...why not lose Is he I wonder a little jealous of the kudos attached to being the famed first man on the moon? , and go directly to something like Buzz shoots the moonscape only the moonscape, thinking perhaps, it should have been me . Just an idea, Jackie I agree. The poem flows beautifully until...
by keith
Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Pneumoconiosis (version2)
Replies: 16
Views: 1122

Re: Pneumoconiosis (version2)

I like the revised version very much - the imagery works really well with the mood and...
Grandad, whiskered, mouthing air
as if a fish with pulsing gills.
... is quite powerful and rather beautiful.
by keith
Tue Apr 15, 2014 9:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: These atoms
Replies: 10
Views: 766

Re: These atoms

I rather like this. I agree that the middle two stanzas are the weakest... I say, the original would have the quality of the original; the copy would be the copy. My answer is too pat, you say, and, perhaps, misses the point. Can we know someone else, or can we only really know about someone else, y...
by keith
Tue Apr 15, 2014 1:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Boy (revised)
Replies: 24
Views: 1579

Re: Boy (revised)

Ros, I like this a lot. There's a real dirty, gritty feel to it and sense of sad, grim reality. Personally, I very much like the imagery behind the tattoos - the love/hate on the knuckles, the dragon tattoo. I really wouldn't change very much about it, personally.
by keith
Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Call of Nature (revision2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1514

Re: Call of Nature (revision2)

As you can see there are a few opposite views on the parts/whole of this poem, but that's not unusual and it's nice to get any feedback. Absolutely - all views I express are strictly my own and I fully expect others not to agree with them. Nor would I want them too - it wouldn't be art if we all sh...
by keith
Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Signals
Replies: 5
Views: 603

Re: Signals

Very nice flow to this poem and like Macavity I liked the interplay between the human and mechanical, but felt you really didn't draw this out as much as you could. The "skull" floating is a nice visual and perhaps the "goat" unnecessary, again to keep the human/mechanical theme going (although, cle...
by keith
Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Felixstowe (v2 small edit)
Replies: 9
Views: 1311

Re: Felixstowe

Beautifully constructed with really nice visual touches - the cranes silently rearranging themselves and the lego container stacks conjure up some strong images. I also very much enjoyed the end and the sense of all that effort for such trivial items. Although "at the Orwell's passing tidal eddies" ...
by keith
Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Call of Nature (revision2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1514

Re: Call of Nature (revision2)

Some very nice imagery. I particularly like a ladder snakes her scarlet tights, from knee to hem and hem to knee Makes me feel like I'm stealing a sneaky glance myself :) The repetition of the last line of each stanza doesn't quite work for me - it imposes itself in a way that detracts from the over...
by keith
Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:59 am
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Hello
Replies: 4
Views: 2244

Hello

Hello, I'm not a poet, but over the last twelve months or so have found myself writing the occasional bit of poetry. It has been something of an emotional outlet and they are very personal. I came here to post some of it, but I've never shown it to anyone before and it seems a bit random to show it ...