The Poets' Graves Workshop

Jackie Say what you feel about it - as I said before. Say what emotion it conveys, or why it doesnt work. Just dont nit pick about the words. If you dont like some words thats fine. I just dont need suggestions on re-writes cos then that stops being my voice and becomes a lot of voices (a Tower of B...

No, Brian, not from you thanks.

How shall I feel? When my heart slows down like an overturned wheel Pained at the prospect or pleased for the best? Through peacefully coming to rest. And the slowly spinning spokes Are faintly flickering kaleidoscopes, Slicing off tiny slivers of days, Droplets of memories, in a heavenly haze While...

Hi k-j For all the worth of my modest opinion I really liked the first two verses - the second half I felt was less successful simply because it was less powerful and thrilling, & more low-key. I felt that you were talking about a Jaguar or a Conquistadore or both - and that caught my attention. In ...

Well - this is a "rum un" as we say round here. Not sure I understand any of it, tho the early lines are quite nice, before it goes off the boil - the whole bit about cow heart appears to just be a selection of words jumbled in a bag and picked out randomly. What are the golden bowls a reference to?...

Is this the way it has to be? That Jane Austen on a note invokes No sense of pride, or any sensibility Just hatred from some blokes Loaded with breast-bared prejudice Has the World gone mad Now everyone's a-twitter Beard is torn and sad And even the mild are bitter On reading of the Rapes of Wrath A...

A consensus, probably. I don't know any of these people other than the small amount of poems I've read. I tried a separate forum in parallel to this one but the quality was dreadful - I went through a dozen 'poems' and couldn't find a good word to say about any of them. At least here some of the stu...

Thanks Jackie I'm glad you responded - everybody else seems to have shied away from it. Depression is not a scary subject it's just a problem to be dealt with, like many another. I have tried in the poem to portray the problem in a humorous way - better than moaning about it. I'm wondering whether t...

Since I started on this site I've quite lost my appetite for Twitter! I tried anotherPoetry site as well but frankly was appalled at the quality on there. I had one of my poems selected for entry into 'the National Poetry Anthology' but I didn't accept the invitation because I'm not so vain as to wa...

Thanks Luke

Ghostly light on the dark = black & white = common breed of cows. All linked imagery.

That's the 2nd time my language has been described as old-fashioned or archaic. I like old usage but I take your point

Not at all, the 70's were my teenage years, I loved them.

I'm glad you liked it, I've been a bit disheartened so far by the lack of interest in my poems

Ah, Coleridge's Dejection transposed to Ireland. Interesting stuff.

The Library I have always liked books; liked reading. In my imagination, I have signed on for voyages to bleached-out beaches, featuring cutlasses and scuttling creatures, or got lost in the galactic void between my ears. I have travelled a trillion miles just by throwing myself backwards, bed-wards...

Thanks Brian, I'm Simon. Your idea for the poem to have a rhythm like the hymn is a good one. I'll definitely have a think about that. Unfortunately its a hymn I cant well remember, so I'll have to look it up. The word 'heart' is missing, from 'Is my heart still' - I had a heart attack 3 years ago, ...

Or you could simply say 'I would love to follow'

Simon

Hi Seth For me this has got so many ideas it ought to be a longer poem. What's in it for Lachlan to come out? The fish bits verse - plenty of room to include metaphors. Seriously. No drink. Brilliant line & it sounds very Scottish. What about after he's out, surely a drink is to be had then? Seagull...

Hi Jayne I wrote a poem about a Kingfisher but binned it, eventually, so I know how enticing a theme it is. My one moment of unease is the line 'You would have me follow' - he wouldn't, he's probably flown because you invaded his space,no bird wants you to follow it , you are a threat. Maybe you cou...

Hi. Overall I liked this - mainly the first 2 verses which had a bit of a Boys Own Weekly feel to them, with those sort of graphic cartoon bits I love - tooth pick spears, the use of abominable (which I thought was fine) and the Here Be Dragons feel of there may be tapir ( a phrase which recalled th...

Was interested in Joe's comments. After his first sentence he's almost accidentally given you half a verse

Lying there, pretending I'm dead to the world And waiting, in a time unending While ghostly light swirls round my head Black and white, oh Holy Cow, Just hunkered down in bed. A thousand clicks repeating No queries now, put out, Is my still, is it still beating? The world of words your new-found oys...

Mac I'm tempted to say 'parking'. k.j Thanks for the detailed constructive criticism. I'm not a big fan of deconstructing poetry - but as you raise points I'll try & explain. Its the night after a party, things have happened, that were not planned. Like most young people's parties the alpha males an...

Bickering girls trying to wake up Day-dreaming boys, wanting to break up From the girls they got left with Those left in the shake up. And the girls know it's coming By the boys tuneless humming They cry their own rivers, tears round as pearls Fishing with rods made of dangling curls Dribbling eye m...

For clarification I should point out that 'Flid' is a word created by my wife - it's a contraction of flip my lid. The poem is subtitled 'coping with depression '

I am mental Temperamental and judgemental My brain is bent almost Back around the bend again I am a loony Mad as an angry Rooney People say that soon he Will be put away (no pain) I am a stupid jerk Sane at home, but daft at work Exhibiting the many quirks I'm never able to explain It's a brush I am...

Hi David. This might be an extreme view but I have no time at all for prose poetry - it's an ill-conceived bastard child of laziness & pretence. A poem is i think defined by its structure more than anything else. Prose is not defined most easily by its structure - indeed for prose structure is often...