Search found 26 matches

by Lynn
Thu Feb 20, 2014 9:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ambush
Replies: 20
Views: 1299

Re: Ambush

HI Jackie - I got this straight away. The immediacy of the beggars and the child's shock and inability to retreat. I really like it. You could perhaps transpose lines 5 and 6? Just a thought. Lynn
by Lynn
Thu Feb 20, 2014 8:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lucky (v3)
Replies: 27
Views: 1854

Re: Lucky

Hi Seth,

I LOVE the idea of this and wonder why you didn't have more fun with it?

Lynn
by Lynn
Thu Feb 20, 2014 7:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sneakin in beside my Momma
Replies: 8
Views: 623

Re: Sneakin in beside my Momma

Hi all. The poem is about me as a child wanting to feel the warmth of my mother who was very cool. The omission of 'g' made the poem quieter is all; my intention being to amplify the need for stealth which was crucial. Thanks for all your comments which are very much appreciated. Translation please ...
by Lynn
Sat Feb 15, 2014 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sneakin in beside my Momma
Replies: 8
Views: 623

Sneakin in beside my Momma

Sneakin' in beside my Momma Lyin' still Warm and undiscovered Small and safe Eyes closed Body straight No move to tuck around or touch her Barely breathin' Unrequited cough Unresponsive to the feelin's of my tickly knee Stray hair across my nose Triumphant tiny little girl As close as I could be to ...
by Lynn
Thu Feb 13, 2014 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I have a money plant
Replies: 4
Views: 790

Re: I have a money plant

Hi Guys, Thank you for your comments. Seth - that's my favourite bit too! In fact that whole little 3 line verse I think is the heart of the poem...hmmm! Luke - "(very good) writing" Thank you! I didn't think I really had anything of great importance to say in this poem. It just came of its own acco...
by Lynn
Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Flid
Replies: 9
Views: 904

Re: Flid

Hi Nottslinnet. Is this poem really about coping with depression? I ask because it's quite a colourful little poem and depression is grey. 'Temperamental, judgemental, angry, stupid, daft and quirky' don't spell depression - do they? I re read it as tho' it was written in the third person and liked ...
by Lynn
Tue Feb 11, 2014 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adeste fideles
Replies: 10
Views: 745

Re: Adeste fideles

I really like this. I perceived it to be about a pagan handfasting. Unconventional, honouring love, recognition of other faiths but trusting in the old ways and a shared path with a soulmate. I love the way poetry is so open to perception and how it sometimes reveals more about the reader than it do...
by Lynn
Sat Feb 08, 2014 11:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I have a money plant
Replies: 4
Views: 790

I have a money plant

I have a money plant It is rich and succulent fresh shiny green with thick brown sturdy stem Self-contained Vigorous and prudent yet opulent and fleshy It lives in the cold dry northern light of my kitchen windowsill Alone I have an oxalis It is very frail Rich plum clover leaves rise on pale thin s...
by Lynn
Sat Feb 08, 2014 11:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nightlife - revision
Replies: 7
Views: 593

Re: Nightlife - revision

Hi David Thank you for revisiting my poem. It's interesting what you say because a lot of my poems are long. I had never thought of extracting the more poetic elements of my longer poems (prose poems? - prose?) to see if they stand alone but what you have said is thought provoking and I thank you fo...
by Lynn
Sun Feb 02, 2014 10:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In The Suburbs (prose poem)
Replies: 9
Views: 671

Re: In The Suburbs (prose poem)

Hello David, Do you think the title could be something different? After all it could be anywhere. It makes the writing seem stereotypical somehow and judgemental - but perhaps that was your intention? Also, in line 2, you could try it without "the girl who lives next door" which I feel is superfluou...
by Lynn
Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: With spring in my step - revision
Replies: 5
Views: 482

Re: With spring in my step

Hi Ray, I agree with omitting rough and ready, it's a bit too...well, rough and ready I guess. Will re-work with your suggestions in mind. Thank you. Lynn
by Lynn
Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:27 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Drysalter
Replies: 16
Views: 2754

Re: Drysalter

I don't understand your thinking Clemonz. If you are reviewing a poem it doesn't make sense to ask others what you should make of it. What does it mean to you? Does it move you? Is it thought provoking to you? Do you enjoy the language, feel the rhythm, get the picture. Maybe the poem presents a pic...
by Lynn
Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: K / J
Replies: 20
Views: 1369

Re: K / J

How about muse? Lynn
by Lynn
Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nightlife - revision
Replies: 7
Views: 593

Re: Nightlife - revision

Thank you D and peter for your appreciation of my writing and your input. I am paying attention. Lynn
by Lynn
Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: We are The Creators
Replies: 0
Views: 744

We are The Creators

Who are we that we labour long to birth ourselves in pain Heads and hearts full to burst with things we can't explain What drives us to strive beyond ourselves in discontent To reach out from the peace that is within us toward our own imaginings They are as the memory of spring in wintertime existin...
by Lynn
Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: With spring in my step - revision
Replies: 5
Views: 482

Re: With spring in my step

Thank you for your comments Jackie and Seth. I love the way you both feel so differently about the same bit. This poem is about a lover I took with a completely different lifestyle and mindset to my own. Every line reflects an actual happening. I adored him and seduced him completely. He wanted me c...
by Lynn
Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The meaning of arrogance
Replies: 4
Views: 448

Re: The meaning of arrogance

I like the idea of your poem. I've been on both sides of this blunder often. I did my own take on it below. I hope this isn't a terrible faux pas but it just came to me and I couldn't resist. Lynn It started with a sorry which I made her repeat I was trying to be clever but made a fool of myself She...
by Lynn
Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The disciple
Replies: 2
Views: 409

Re: The disciple

I love this....except I don't believe your guru said that. It just doesn't ring true to me. Lynn
by Lynn
Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: With spring in my step - revision
Replies: 5
Views: 482

With spring in my step - revision

With spring in my step I bring him bluebells from the wood With a grin I present a gypsy flower On a summer Sunday morning I collect him in my van and trundle him away to another land I visit him at night and love him long and hard I smother him in kisses Enfold him in my warm brown arms He is fasti...
by Lynn
Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: untitled poem for general help
Replies: 19
Views: 1332

Re: untitled poem for general help

Clemonz use your poetry to tell your stories. If, for example, something happens that causes you to feel angry; write a poem about the something that happened. If it was caused by thoughts in your head then write the thoughts in your head. If somebody did something; who are they and what did they do...
by Lynn
Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tea Songs...
Replies: 6
Views: 582

Re: Tea Songs...

I find this poem odd but interesting. I get emotion (angry and bored - forgive me if I'm wrong) but not sure the words express it as well as they could. Incomprehensibleness is a bit of a mouthful in my view. Would the 2nd line be more apt if you replaced the word 'said' with 'written'? The 'balloon...
by Lynn
Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nightlife - revision
Replies: 7
Views: 593

Re: Nightlife

Cheers Ian, those are really good points. Gonna re work it and see what happens. Happy that you enjoyed reading it. Lynn
by Lynn
Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nightlife - revision
Replies: 7
Views: 593

Nightlife - revision

Revision When I was a girl half grown I used to sneak outside at night Bare feet padding on the flagstones of our street No longer in the spotlight of the parents or the teachers Like the sun long gone sunk beneath sleeps’ horizon no one with their eyes on me In the night full dark without the cease...
by Lynn
Wed Jan 22, 2014 11:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grief
Replies: 4
Views: 423

Re: Grief

Hello there. I like this poem and feel the obscurity of the word ‘skebangas’ would have intensified the poem for me had it been left in. Who are they? Why are they torching the house? To label them 'low- lifes' detracts. Grief is fierce, not delicate, and hits us hard and painful in the face of irre...
by Lynn
Tue Jan 21, 2014 9:55 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: Little bit about me.
Replies: 4
Views: 2340

Little bit about me.

Hello my name is Lynn. I'm 57, a northern lass living in Kent. Poetry has been the one constant in my life from being a tiny little girl. It helps me make sense of things and has been my greatest teacher. I look forward to sharing my poetry and getting feedback, and also to reading the work of other...