Search found 280 matches

by MikeAcker
Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dead 17
Replies: 12
Views: 2923

Re: Dead 17

Sorry, Ray, but that is not all all what I got from this.
It is still a well-written piece.
by MikeAcker
Fri Jul 21, 2017 7:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dead 17
Replies: 12
Views: 2923

Re: Dead 17

This is very, very good, ray.
One reading is not enough to fully appreciate the depth of this piece.

"a lesson that
the school learnt from
one that got away"
...great ending.
by MikeAcker
Thu Jul 20, 2017 5:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Re: Bukowski

I enjoyed this, Mike, very much. It kept me hooked all the way and felt real to me. I particularly liked the accessibility. The reader doesn't need an in-depth knowledge of Bukowski to follow the general thrust of the poem. My only suggestion is pretty much in the same vein as the other commentator...
by MikeAcker
Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Re: Bukowski

This reads quickly like Bukowski poems do, but you do it with longer lines, which is more impressive. I'm no fan of B, as I think most of what he writes is cliched ridden, doggerel, with little reflection or intellectual engagement. I agree with others, this could be cut. Stanzas 4 & 5 would be a g...
by MikeAcker
Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Re: Bukowski

the uncouth Christ of the drunk-again alcoholics, - that's very good, made me laugh anyhow from which their honesty shone, - maybe authenticity is better than honesty? I enjoyed it. If you're looking to cut/improve I'd start with stanzas 4 and 5. I am glad you enjoyed it. Coming from you that means...
by MikeAcker
Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Re: Bukowski

Agree with Tony's choice: those are the strongest lines. Also agree the poem could do with some paring down, but careful: a pristine little jewel would hardly seem appropriate to Mr B. Thanks, elotrooso... You are right, of course. That is why the original format was as follows: back in the 70's, b...
by MikeAcker
Sat Jul 15, 2017 9:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Re: Bukowski

Hi Mike, I enjoyed the poem. I bought his collection 'Run with the Hunted' years ago, and I admit i am a Bukowski fan,so I might be biased. I like this passage- He gathered, mostly off skid row streets, sharp shards of train-wrecked lives and glued them with booze-breath spit onto pages of dollar-s...
by MikeAcker
Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bukowski
Replies: 10
Views: 1823

Bukowski

Back in the 70's, back in LA, I knew of him as the uncouth Christ of the drunk-again alcoholics, the naked emperor of young, trendy-cafe chefs, and of the intellectual and the pseudo-intellectual trust fund kids who yearned to be like him by living in decrepit houses, the lawns of which they littere...
by MikeAcker
Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Private Eyes
Replies: 6
Views: 1287

Re: Private Eyes

Like Luke, I like it too, but, also like Luke, I am confused. Sometimes that is the strength of a poem, to be enjoyed before it is fully understood. would leave no mark on the stretch of skin beside the coastal path. // didn't understand the reference to "coastal path" the sun and burn the cords to ...
by MikeAcker
Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Karakoram (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 1507

Re: Karakoram (revision)

I like this very much, Luke. I prefer to read all poetry once silently and once out loud. Both reads felt as though I had slid into a river and was taken downstream with vivid, memorable images coming at me from all sides, till, at the very last word, I exit, enthralled! I always find it interesting...
by MikeAcker
Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Color Gray
Replies: 8
Views: 1029

Re: The Color Gray

Hi Mike. Couple of minor comments on the third version for your delectation: - Lose the comma after "sole" since "western grebe" is the species name. Lose "for food"? - "Cinereous" is a thesaurus word and simply never used naturally. I think it should go (even though I was familiar with it from my ...
by MikeAcker
Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Color Gray
Replies: 8
Views: 1029

Re: The Color Gray

Too much is , but I like the notion of a day dedicated to grey. Cinereous - I'm the kind of reader who googles such words :) Rain falls quietly. Liked the simplicity of that following the cinereous rock. cheers mac Thank you Mac. I don't disagree with you in regards to the "is(es?)". Will look for ...
by MikeAcker
Sun Feb 21, 2016 6:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Color Gray
Replies: 8
Views: 1029

Re: The Color Gray

A better effort for me Mike on the poetry front. You mention "calm" twice, it makes the last one (for me) redundant. You also use "cold" and "tepid" in the same line, "Cold, and dark, calm and tepid," these are opposites (for me), the water is either cold or tepid. Cinereous did not work for me, I ...
by MikeAcker
Sun Feb 21, 2016 4:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Color Gray
Replies: 8
Views: 1029

Re: The Color Gray

Thanks Ray! I agree with you about the two lines you mentioned.
I will post the revised version.
by MikeAcker
Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still Life
Replies: 6
Views: 732

Re: Still Life

I like this very much. Having said that I am usually distracted by incomplete sentences. I am glad I continued on past the first few sentences. Having read it a few times, I felt the authenticity of the theme. I like poems I believe. I'm not sure "dripping black" really works. It jarred the ending a...
by MikeAcker
Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Color Gray
Replies: 8
Views: 1029

The Color Gray

(*** Revised yet again ***) The sky is overcast, with seagulls drifting above, like discarded plastic bags, half-camouflaged against the clouds. The inlet, a greenish blue on sunny days, has taken on a granite hue. A sole grebe dives through calm water, shining dully like slate colored glass. Cinere...
by MikeAcker
Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Psychological Profile
Replies: 17
Views: 1533

Re: Psychological Profile

I, also, liked this very much.
It is the type of piece that takes you along on a ride and you just don't want to get off.
Very well-done!
by MikeAcker
Sat Feb 06, 2016 2:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stains
Replies: 6
Views: 773

Re: Stains

Mike, there's a lot to enjoy here but I think you've overcooked the meat. I don't think your disclaimer is helping the poem at all and you've given far too much away in S1. There's a great opportunity here to let the reader decide for him/herself. Allow me to decide if it's contemptible or disgusti...
by MikeAcker
Sat Feb 06, 2016 1:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Changed man
Replies: 15
Views: 1757

Re: A Changed man

It obviously carries a meaning for the writer. I'm not too sure it conveys that meaning clearly, or at all, to the reader. It didn't to me, anyway. On the other hand, and perhaps perversely, I enjoyed it. There's a sense of depth to it, irrespective of the poet's intention, and the land/hand/man se...
by MikeAcker
Thu Feb 04, 2016 1:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stains
Replies: 6
Views: 773

Stains

Every night an angel appears with his beatific broom and begins to clean up the contemptible confession booth shaking his head as he does so. He is always at a loss to understand what these mortals leave behind, littering the floor, and splattering on the walls of this tight space. What disgusts him...
by MikeAcker
Thu Feb 04, 2016 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hot Tips for Mull
Replies: 12
Views: 1015

Re: Hot Tips for Mull

Hi Ros, I liked this piece very much. In spite of my ignorance in regards to the geographical information in the poem, it didn't affect how I perceived it. It is written in short, confident strokes, as though N were very confident about what she(he) says. I may have missed some things, but I am alwa...
by MikeAcker
Wed Feb 03, 2016 8:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Changed man
Replies: 15
Views: 1757

Re: A Changed man

I like this. It might not be easy, but if you could illustrate "changed" rather than saying it directly... OTOH maybe that would be a step too far. One thing grates slightly, why have a full-stop at the end if there's no capital letter at the start? Ian Thanks Ian...I will look into what expanding ...
by MikeAcker
Thu Jan 28, 2016 12:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Changed man
Replies: 15
Views: 1757

Re: A Changed man

in the palm of the hand of a changed man One too many ofs , I think in the palm of a changed man's hand? That said, the poem seems more about the "sparrow" than the changed man of the title. Sorry for not replying earlier. Yes, I agree with you, as I don't like repeating a word if I can help it. I ...
by MikeAcker
Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Changed man
Replies: 15
Views: 1757

Re: A Changed man

David wrote:I like it, Mike. It's not pretentious, and it is an affecting image. It's something like a late Johnny Cash song. That will do for me.

Cheers

David
Thanks, David...
by MikeAcker
Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Changed man
Replies: 15
Views: 1757

Re: A Changed man

1lankest wrote:I like the first three lines.

Not sure about the last three.

Who is the changed man? The bird or the person in whose hand it lands? The person in whose hand it lands(the male).


Luke
Thanks for the comment. See what you think of the version recommended by David S....