Search found 522 matches

by cynwulf
Tue Feb 28, 2017 12:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blue Man i' t' Moss
Replies: 5
Views: 427

Re: Blue Man i' t' Moss

Thank you all for the generous comments. You are right, David, Prydain was in my mind-never understood why Ps and Qs seems more like Ps and Ks. I'll look at curtailing the sprawl. Not sure what the objection to 'awaits' is, tho' 67% of commenters have picked it up. Pleased you liked it,mac, and Lou....
by cynwulf
Tue Feb 28, 2017 12:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Crook Ness
Replies: 8
Views: 645

Re: Crook Ness

Agree with mac on the sonics, particularly appreciated the bold alliteration of l1-appropriate for the bleak shore there. Not too sure the ephemera idea rides with the solidised moment. Enjoyed the poem, nice topic. Sorry you didn't find the print, may have vanished in somebody's backpack-some folk ...
by cynwulf
Wed Feb 22, 2017 3:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blue Man i' t' Moss
Replies: 5
Views: 427

Blue Man i' t' Moss

Blue Man i' t' Moss The ochre scar curves over the moor ridge, clarty, knee deep so often, but today we walk on brick. Around us parched khaki ling, patched with wind-carded cotton grass, and by the path stars of pearlwort, occasional suns of tormentil. We flush pale moths from the rushes they float...
by cynwulf
Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The lie of the land
Replies: 13
Views: 783

Re: The lie of the land

Liked the title, I'd begun to think 'Lie' was becoming obsolete, but it's right for this side of the wide Atlantic, and the almost stoic melancholy of your poem. Nice imagery of the flooded fields' ridge and furrow.

C.
by cynwulf
Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:28 pm
Forum: Current Features
Topic: Coastal footpath
Replies: 14
Views: 10389

Re: Coastal footpath

Wow! You've caught the scene and atmosphere exactly and the language of the gulls dead on. I envy you your west facing coast, here we look due north, no Avalons or Lyonesses for us just sea (and ice) to the North Pole.
C.
by cynwulf
Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dancer: The New Moon's Partner
Replies: 6
Views: 529

Re: Dancer: The New Moon's Partner

I liked latest version and the feel of this, though like some others I have no idea what it is about, not sure whether I'm missing some deep esoteric reference , or whether it is as it seems on the surface. Liked the pairing of insolence and grace.
C.
by cynwulf
Thu Feb 02, 2017 12:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The God and The Monsters Version II
Replies: 13
Views: 1106

Re: The God and The Monsters

Tend to agree with earlier comments on the abstractions and imagery. I enjoyed reading it, perhaps ignorance of the actual programme you based it on helps the arcane, mysterious atmosphere of the poem. I got a feeling of Lovecraft's world, the Chthulu horrors and all that. A pedantic point-last line...
by cynwulf
Thu Feb 02, 2017 12:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Missing the Green
Replies: 15
Views: 1102

Re: Missing the Green

Enjoyed the poem, wouldn't change a thing particularly liked the title's wordplay. Perhaps the 'cowardice' of the protagonist is needless, adders are much maligned as you will know, all this probably is what makes the title so ingenious. Adders thrive on the moors here, I encountered two in Wheeldal...
by cynwulf
Thu Feb 02, 2017 12:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 1515

Re: Wakefulness

Thank you both for your comments. Not Quite Sure-I used sallow to indicate the watcher is in a dis-eased state of mind which makes the moon appear unhealthy; 'nvade'-perhaps 'pervade' less active might fit,I was using invade in the sense of intruding, encroaching rather than militarily. 'Idle skirti...
by cynwulf
Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: The Willow Akhmatova-revised
Replies: 8
Views: 10853

Re: The Willow Akhmatova-revised

Thank you, David. Changing the gender-I'm so old that gender to me is only a grammatical term, though now it seems to have come to mean, additionally, what I as a one-time zoologist still refer to as sex. I find it curious to be asked my gender rather than my sex when filling in forms. Russian has g...
by cynwulf
Mon Jan 16, 2017 7:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: The Willow Akhmatova-revised
Replies: 8
Views: 10853

Re: The Willow Akhmatova-revised

Thanks Steve. Your 1st thoughts are to the point... 'a patterned silence' extends the idea of the silence, I need to think about that a little more; 'the patterned silence' has other connotations -could then refer more obviously to the calmer years preceding WW1 and the events following October 1917...
by cynwulf
Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: The Willow Akhmatova-revised
Replies: 8
Views: 10853

Re: The Willow Akhmatova-revised

Thank you, Seth, for your comments. Yes-very careless punctuation. I've written a revised version which includes the required full stop. I've also puzzled a long time over this section of the poem, and am still not happy - the core meaning of 'stranno' is 'strange', 'odd'- French translations have '...
by cynwulf
Wed Jan 04, 2017 1:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: The Willow Akhmatova-revised
Replies: 8
Views: 10853

The Willow Akhmatova-revised

Ива И дряхлый пук дерев. Пушкин А я росла в урожной тишине В прохладной децкой молодного века. И не был мил мне голос человека, А голос ветра был понятен мне. Я лопухи любила и крапиву, Но больше всех серебряную иву. И благодарная, она жила Со мной всю жизнь, плакучими ветрями Бессонницу овейвала сн...
by cynwulf
Wed Jan 04, 2017 12:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: Fm Rekviem, Akhmatova
Replies: 6
Views: 2962

Re: Fm Rekviem, Akhmatova

Thank you for your comment, Steve. Certainly, Kunitz and most other translators use 'dawn' . The first two lines could be tweaked, trying to retain A's rhyme scheme, to something like: They carried you off at dawn I walked behind like one who mourns While gaining the connotations you mention, I thin...
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 06, 2016 3:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: When I am Old (2nd revision of "When I am an Old Man")
Replies: 13
Views: 1922

Re: When I am an Old Man

Really enjoyed this. I am with Luce, the sustained eroticism of the first version seems to me to give greater power to the poem.

regards,c.
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 06, 2016 3:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Narrow Squeak
Replies: 14
Views: 1025

Re: A Narrow Squeak

Very neatly done, epigrammatic.
regards,c.
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 1515

Re: Wakefulness

Crayon, thanks for the comments. Liked tangents touched my humerus; metaphor/essential- perhaps you wd accept analogyanalogous, to me the seeming was the point of the comparison (narrator's point of view). I was introduced to asymptotes and other delights such as abscissae when we were taught elemen...
by cynwulf
Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Time and money are irrelevant
Replies: 32
Views: 1738

Re: Time and money are Irrelevant

This made me smile. Simultaneously succinct, witty and profound. One pedantic nit-the specific epithet in binomial zoological names is always lower case- Should be Tyrannosaurus rex- ICZN rules OK.
With best wishes, c.
by cynwulf
Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 1515

Re: Wakefulness

Seth, Thank you for your suggestion; the first line will go -I was striving for some symmetry, but overdid it. Crayon, I was using metaphor-the asymptote here is no more mathematical than a blanket of snow is woollen, the ticking time-line moving towards, but never seeming to reach, the dawn I hoped...
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: London to Brighton in Four Minutes
Replies: 16
Views: 2503

Re: London to Brighton in Four Minutes

I'm with JJ on this, your form has captured the film very well, a light touch with a profound clout at the end.
Regards c.
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 1515

Re: Wakefulness

Thank you all for reading this and for your comments. Lou -excellent suggestion, tho' my subconscious works best in the half aware time around waking up I think JJ may have solved this tautology, ray-so my thanks JJ Thanks for that observation mac, not too much alliteration I hope Grateful for your ...
by cynwulf
Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wakefulness
Replies: 19
Views: 1515

Wakefulness

Wakefulness The monotonous clock ticks on. I watch the sallow moon invade the house millimetre by millimetre, fall onto the window sill pool on the carpet crawl over the duvet idle along the skirting on the wall dawdle through the doorway micrometre by micrometre, and withdraw. The clock ticks on cl...
by cynwulf
Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Old Bricks
Replies: 14
Views: 867

Re: Brick

Liked the staccato run of monosyllables, and the li alliteration, and the general hardness of the sounds. I saw this (no doubt mistakenly) as a metaphor for a hard life, character refined in the fire and all that. Like David I look forward to the reveal.
Regards, c
by cynwulf
Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Remembrance Sunday
Replies: 12
Views: 753

Re: Remembrance Sunday

Excellent poem, just the right emotional tone and register for the subject. It spoke directly to me as my grandfather was badly wounded at the 3rd Battle of Ypres serving with the N Staffs Regiment. Appreciated the irony of ll1-2 in the last verse, the waving hand is told powerfully here.
Regards, c.
by cynwulf
Mon Oct 31, 2016 4:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: A translation of Genesis 6 into Northern Irish
Replies: 6
Views: 3152

Re: A translation of Genesis 6 into Northern Irish

David , you've invented a wee new genre- a shaggy god story.
regards, c.