Search found 1173 matches

by Jackie
Sat Sep 19, 2020 12:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not Being Here
Replies: 2
Views: 14

Not Being Here

The car ahead turns right on red. She moves into place, checks nails, combs fingers through hair. Crouch. Watch. Crouch-leap sideways. Again. She’s off! She stole second! On down the road still tingling she’ll be tagged she recites It’s allowed, turning right on red; allowed now . Like Mom’s certifi...
by Jackie
Mon Aug 03, 2020 12:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Voice in the Light
Replies: 3
Views: 1544

Re: A Voice in the Light

I enjoyed reading this, Namyh. One thing about writing traditionally though, is that it doesn't leave you any leeway to play around with metrics and rhyme patterns. You look here like you're finding that too confining. Are you sure you don't want to venture into contemporary poetry?

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Aug 02, 2020 7:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Questions
Replies: 9
Views: 749

Re: Questions

I like the sense of stream of consciousness, its liquidity, Thanks, Mac. Hearing from others that something I've written has "an original slant" or "liquidity" encourages me. I usually like to collect comments and swish them around in my mouth for a while to see if they're my voice before doing any...
by Jackie
Sun Aug 02, 2020 7:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Questions
Replies: 9
Views: 749

Re: Questions

Thank you so much Tristan, Not and Mac for your thoughtful ideas.

Mac, the number of times I've heard "I prefer the original" has convinced me I'm a lousy reviser. Nonetheless, I revise. :D See above.

Jackie
by Jackie
Tue Jul 28, 2020 5:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: From A Hypnotherapist's Case File (revision)
Replies: 6
Views: 521

Re: From A Hypnotherapist's Case File

Hi Mac, This is not literal, more a weighing of N.'s 'humanity' So these are the narratives of one hypnotized person; not three as I was thinking. A person who haunts Parisian streets but identifies with/participated in past events where bodies are dismembered to re-purpose each part; in 13th centur...
by Jackie
Sun Jul 26, 2020 5:30 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Sidewalks & Mermaids
Replies: 3
Views: 1047

Re: Sidewalks & Mermaids

Let's see, Lotus. Sidewalks are inanimate and enclosing—they define where you can be. The ashtray (I'm calling it) is these things. Mermaids are alive, sensual, enticing, and the ripe tomato is these things. Yet their textures and colors and surfaces and shapes show even the inanimate and the alive ...
by Jackie
Wed Jul 22, 2020 4:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Questions
Replies: 9
Views: 749

Re: Questions

Thank you, Not and Tristan, for taking the time to review this and picking up on those things I didn’t see. I’m posting a version 2—still a work in progress. As you say, Tristan, I’m suspending conventions; this poem takes place in survival mode and caps and commas don’t live there. I appreciate you...
by Jackie
Tue Jul 21, 2020 11:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón
Replies: 11
Views: 998

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Amadis, may I make some translation suggestions? I don’t know how to tell you I don’t know how to explain to you There is no cure For how I feel For how I feel The moon tells me do one thing The stars tell me to do another And the light of day sings to me This sad song This sad song Those kisses you...
by Jackie
Tue Jul 21, 2020 1:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Uncertain Form In The Morning
Replies: 3
Views: 626

Re: Uncertain Form In The Morning

Amadis,

Why don't you edit your first post by placing this new version on top of it, and calling the original poem, version 1. That way, we can all see from the list that you have posted something new.

Jackie
by Jackie
Mon Jul 20, 2020 12:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Questions
Replies: 9
Views: 749

Questions

Version 3 cashiers have stopped asking did you find everything all right ghost crowds down these aisles slaked their panic with paper buying skilled workers from abroad can’t get here to bring the harvest in new brands on the gap shelves sign me to want them instead isolated by the evening light I w...
by Jackie
Sun Jul 19, 2020 6:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End to Slavery
Replies: 3
Views: 807

Re: The End to Slavery

Poet, I hear your voice and your passion clearly in this piece. So right! The problem is horrific, pervasive, and systemic. As a poem, though, right from the title, it may have bitten off more than it can chew. How can you narrow the topic to make it more powerful? Can you focus on a single image fr...
by Jackie
Sun Jul 19, 2020 5:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish
Replies: 10
Views: 890

Re: NC

Not,

I enjoyed your conversion of nursery rhymes to taunts, but so far as political commentary goes, I try to keep to my own side of the pond.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Jul 19, 2020 5:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Uncertain Form In The Morning
Replies: 3
Views: 626

Re: Uncertain Form In The Morning

Amadis, This poem propels me into the scene and I keep wanting to like it but can't quite get there because the images don't work for me. For example, how can haze be brutal sunshine? And how can haze have consequences? I try starting the poem with S2 which reads beautifully, assuming by "ken" you m...
by Jackie
Sun Jul 19, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cliche Tennis with Brian Adams
Replies: 2
Views: 543

Re: Cliche Tennis with Brian Adams

Amadis,

When this is read aloud, the ball is hit at regular intervals so there seem to be no misses, and I recognize the names of some of the songs, but I don't follow Bryan Adams so I think I'm missing a lot here.

Thanks for posting,
Jackie
by Jackie
Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: On Impressive Glass Doorways
Replies: 3
Views: 1010

Re: On Impressive Glass Doorways

Thank you, Amadis, this helps. I can see how the ending comes as a surprise.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sat May 16, 2020 5:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Baby Steps
Replies: 8
Views: 367

Re: Baby Steps

Hi Trevor As I understand it, N at first feels resentful that this child is verging on walking when N no longer can/now cannot, but later finds enlightenment or release in this…what? Spiritual connection? As you say, you could write only about the child, but this too is a very engaging topic. To me,...
by Jackie
Mon May 11, 2020 11:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Spring in the Hollow
Replies: 7
Views: 739

Re: Spring in the Hollow

Suzanne, this has the gentle feel of Roberta Flack singing, "Jesse, Come Home." Would you consider dropping the first two lines and starting the poem with the third line? I stumble on by describing the vessel rather than pointing out its lack of content. . How about shortening it to "by describing t...
by Jackie
Tue May 05, 2020 9:59 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The Durdle Door (revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 2072

Re: The Durdle Door (revised)

JJ, to me there is a huge difference in the overall impression between the original and revised version. The original seemed like a controlled child's book illustration, framed, enclosed. The second is wide open, and the door with the detail of people becomes a secret revelation on the edge of a mas...
by Jackie
Sat May 02, 2020 1:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Beautiful Soul
Replies: 4
Views: 600

Re: Beautiful Soul

Anongirl, thank you for posting this. My sympathy for your loss. I do agree with Perry's suggestions, especially where he says the first step is to ask yourself if you're writing for yourself or for another audience. I'm a firm believer in using journals to get the pain out and clarify my thinking e...
by Jackie
Sat May 02, 2020 12:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Once More, With Meaning
Replies: 9
Views: 1316

Re: Once More, With Meaning

Not, Jules and David, thank you so much for giving me your help and impressions. Not, thanks for your specific suggestions for me to consider. Jules, you may be giving me a tad more credit that I deserve! Hope if I stretch, I reach that far! David, so honored you like it. And does it reach beyond th...
by Jackie
Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Once More, With Meaning
Replies: 9
Views: 1316

Re: Once More, With Meaning

Thanks for your comments, Ray and Mac, they help a lot. Yes, Scrabble. It's just my own uncommon way of playing it: I'm not into scores and absolutely love games where unusual words, coaxed out of nothing planned, predominate. I don't get along with Scrabble masters who know all the winning strategi...
by Jackie
Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1301

Re: In Isolation (v3)

does changing the second statement to a question have an effect?
Making it a question changes the mood quite a bit, in my opinion. It implies some kind of protest or action is coming.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Apr 05, 2020 1:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reputation
Replies: 10
Views: 653

Re: Reputation

I found this delightful, Ray, and kept tasting fetching Mrs Shelley’s shopping over and over—did you consider it as your title? I'd choose S1 as the stronger, maybe because "even though" and "as well" and the last line are less compact or special. I'm not talking about the content of the last line—t...
by Jackie
Sat Apr 04, 2020 11:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Brief Word for Rooms
Replies: 13
Views: 743

Re: A Brief Word for Rooms

Hi Trevor, I enjoyed this read. Two things nagged at me. One was the point of view—"you" seemed to refer to changeable people. I thought the reason might be that each room was more closely linked to the structure than who inhabited it, but it didn't seem so. The other was the hope that this was not ...
by Jackie
Sat Apr 04, 2020 10:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1301

Re: In Isolation (v2)

It's very haiku-like in its 2-statement form, its contemplation and its reach into the universe.

Jackie