Search found 1130 matches

by Jackie
Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nonsense limericks
Replies: 4
Views: 152

Re: Nonsense limericks

Loved these, Stuart, every one of them.

I agree that the Abababab's third line could use a little doctoring.

I was a bit disappointed by the end of LaMaraco, I think because it was a jolt back to reality after four lines of wonderful gibberish.

Thanks for a good laugh.

Jackie
by Jackie
Tue Aug 20, 2019 7:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Theseus in Old Age
Replies: 10
Views: 395

Re: Theseus in Old Age

Geoff, The link made me think. You seem to be saying that as long as there are priests to consider them re-purposed, losses are not losses. Spears will become crutches; and fathers, their sons. But then there is will. Must a son wear his father’s guilt just so the blame survives? Must a ship renewed...
by Jackie
Tue Aug 20, 2019 9:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Dear White Girl
Replies: 10
Views: 266

Re: Dear White Girl

Hi Poet, "White girl" seems to be a category in the poem, rather than a single person. Is that what you intended? When you say "I’ve met you before" I take it that this rejection has happened with other white girls, and the narrator is asking this one to explain why. Perhaps "White girl" symbolizes ...
by Jackie
Sat Aug 17, 2019 12:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In The December Sky, We Cast a Spell
Replies: 6
Views: 332

Re: In The December Sky, We Cast a Spell

Poet, Very intriguing. Is there a reason you've written this in couplets? I'm having trouble following the logic. For example, you say "we dare not remember their names" but soon after say "their names are etched in stone"—so why worry about remembering them? You might want to try consolidating it i...
by Jackie
Sat Aug 17, 2019 12:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Madonna in the Mosque
Replies: 12
Views: 442

Re: Madonna in the Mosque

Elphin, Thank you for this poem. I have enjoyed it over and over. It reminds me that I want to write. The commentary has been interesting. I wonder about the bruise. Do you want readers to understand it is personal so they won’t search around among the religious or political? Or do you plan to leave...
by Jackie
Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: But is He?
Replies: 14
Views: 1265

Re: But is He?

Geoff, so happy to see you here again! I've missed your jokes!

Jackie
by Jackie
Thu May 30, 2019 3:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: But is He?
Replies: 14
Views: 1265

Re: But is He?

David, I enjoyed the logical thread and accessible language in this very much. And how the line stuffed to the gunwales and bound for heaven seems to heave with the churches. And how landfalls, greetings, assurance slips all sound so down, somehow. How about changing willingly (referring to the bell...
by Jackie
Sun May 19, 2019 7:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: untitled senryu
Replies: 4
Views: 534

Re: untitled senryu

Eira, I haven't tried it, but the situational irony in your topic seems perfect for this form. I think it's usual for a senryu to contain seventeen syllables, isn't it? Could you be going overboard with the conciseness? The last word to me constitutes a summary; how about "showing" instead of "telli...
by Jackie
Sat May 18, 2019 8:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake
Replies: 9
Views: 687

Re: I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake

Eira, I'm so glad you found something to enjoy in this.

David, I haven't had such a good laugh in a while.
I rather like "gleamed unctuous". You couldn't get "glaucous" in there as well, could you? I think I'd like that.
Point taken. Many thanks for your comments.

Jackie
by Jackie
Thu May 16, 2019 4:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: core structure of absence (revision)
Replies: 15
Views: 1555

Re: core structure of absence

Hi Riverrun, I'm not at all sure, but you seem to be lamenting that poetry no longer refers to concrete things (has a core structure) but gets lost in abstract gestures, actions and events with no horizon in sight. Is that completely wrong? I have a problem with "When I realized I was…" I think this...
by Jackie
Thu May 16, 2019 9:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake
Replies: 9
Views: 687

Re: I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake

Thank you, Perry, I enjoyed reading your "The Salad Prayer." Unlike your salad event, though, mine was a drawn-out, downhill activity that was getting worse and worse. I think Mac's comment clinches it: "The form mirrors the breaking down of process." I was pleased that Joao called it "this little i...
by Jackie
Wed May 15, 2019 4:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake
Replies: 9
Views: 687

I Want No Part of Your Layered Cake

Half-way through, I knew. The recipe was wrong. The lovely matte crust in the baking pan ulcerated twice. And again. Unallowed bottom bits rose into view. Then here, there, innards took to perforating and gleamed unctuous in the yellow oven light. Unstoppable now, every pinch and teaspoon turned bub...
by Jackie
Wed May 15, 2019 3:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Homophones
Replies: 6
Views: 833

Re: Homophones

As in, you were startled to hear people who prattle sounding like your father, but surely when he said it, meaning prevailed? Perhaps "bear/deal with it."

Jackie
by Jackie
Tue May 14, 2019 5:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A royal birth (version 2)
Replies: 26
Views: 2395

Re: A royal birth

I very much enjoyed your word choices and the sounds and rhythm in this poem, Leaf—such as "birdsong, dog bark."

"Bluing" surprised me because I know it as a powder—a laundry product; but to come upon "greening" so quickly sets it in context.

Thanks for this lovely poem.

Jackie
by Jackie
Thu May 09, 2019 8:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Witch’s Secret
Replies: 13
Views: 850

Re: The Witch’s Secret

Hi Harbal, I enjoyed reading through this witch-in-the-woods story. You build suspense well as far as describing what you went through trying to reach your goal, or N's goal I should say. I think you could improve that tension with motive: by hinting early on at what is driving you to find the secre...
by Jackie
Tue May 07, 2019 11:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Losing People (A didactic poem)
Replies: 10
Views: 1067

Re: Losing People (A didactic poem)

Tristan, I have a poem underway that I keep backing off of because it turns didactic on me, so I find this especially intriguing. Didacticism changes a poem's genre, doesn't it? It takes on a role. Do you have a wish for how this poem could be used? Are you looking for feedback not only on the poeti...
by Jackie
Tue May 07, 2019 4:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: In a Cemetery of Oak and Ash
Replies: 13
Views: 699

Re: In a Cemetery of Oak and Ash

NQS, Thank you for this. The reverence and pain are compelling. The "she" and "her", however, seem to keep her at a distance—I wonder if you tried writing it in the 2nd person? In L7, why is N abandoned? In L13, “Our smallest servants too” takes on an awkward POV. It may be just me, but I would see ...
by Jackie
Tue May 07, 2019 4:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: On Wanting a Chair to be a Chippendale (V2)
Replies: 12
Views: 726

Re: On Wanting a Chair to be a Chippendale (V2)

Firebird, I enjoyed your V1 a great deal because it’s so fun to read—the opening line, the concept, the rhythm, and the delightful language. They probably go over the top a bit. V2 comes in then like a drinking partner’s retort, lewd and plain, to bring you back to reality. The original V2 seems to ...
by Jackie
Wed Feb 06, 2019 4:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Second Hand Accounts
Replies: 18
Views: 963

Re: Second Hand Accounts

Hi Not, These feel like experiences or found poems, first hand, especially S1 of Part 2. IMO, S2 detracts because readers draw those conclusions while reading S1. To make Part 1 as pithy, would you consider losing that the table's set for them. ? The idea is repeated in the next line when they dig i...
by Jackie
Wed Feb 06, 2019 4:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gypsies Nomads & Loiterers
Replies: 18
Views: 1497

Re: Gypsies Nomads & Loiterers

I enjoyed this very much, Lotus; just the right amount of allure and mystery. i’ve been pondering your suggestion and am feeling that blanket perhaps suggests covered and carpeted perhaps offers a path to travel upon I agree that carpeted seems banal—the only words I can think of that might suit you...
by Jackie
Tue Feb 05, 2019 1:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New Snow
Replies: 6
Views: 748

New Snow

New Snow A final look through the dark into our yard. Our backyard neighbor’s Christmas window lights up our redbud and smoke bush. From below. From water. From a pond. Opposite our front, two porch lights (nailed tight) down on the walk elongate then leap to the street. Next door, backlighting so e...
by Jackie
Sun Nov 04, 2018 8:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Visit
Replies: 15
Views: 1644

Re: The Visit

I should have been a little nicer to Jackie.
Not to worry, Perry. I wasn't that considerate to you—sorry I didn't explain myself.

I've had the experience of trying to punch and wheedle a short story into poetry format, and thought you might be weighing the two options yourself.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sun Nov 04, 2018 11:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Visit
Replies: 15
Views: 1644

Re: The Visit

This is an interesting read, Perry, and the ending works beautifully.

I'm afraid I don't understand, though, why you are calling it a poem rather than a short story.

Jackie
by Jackie
Sat Nov 03, 2018 4:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Soul- cakes ( was Villanelle)
Replies: 15
Views: 2235

Re: Villanelle

Hi Tony, I love meeting poets who write villanelles! I look forward to two really dynamite repeating lines that sound better each time, along with climbing suspense. If that's not a challenge to write, I don't know what is. Your spooky setting is perfect for suspense, but I would be more drawn to yo...
by Jackie
Fri Nov 02, 2018 2:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Staying Safe
Replies: 14
Views: 2720

Re: Staying Safe

I've enjoyed reading this over and over, Suzanne, and find myself preferring parts of both versions. The power dynamic is fascinating. The title tells me that the power to initiate is in his hands, and it threatens, overwhelms you. Only he can need a fence—you seem to acknowledge that—yet he has no ...