The Poets' Graves Workshop

Many thanks Not and Phil. Hope your gap isn’t causing you too much discomfort Mac. I had a tooth out a couple of years back and after a week most of the discomfort had gone.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Jackie, My first impression on reading your revision, is that without ‘do you’ at the beginning of the second and penultimate lines (especially the penultimate line) it might be difficult to recognise these lines as questions. I like the repetition of ‘now’ to start lines in S1. I miss ‘paper buy...

. And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS. Would Wee Hee Hee work? It’s better, but I still prefer Wee Wee Wee. It would nice if each stanza were in some way a type of lie. I thought they were (in some way) :...

Hi Not,

I‘m not sure I agree about that last line. I quite like it, and it also keeps the poem to three syllables a line.

Cheers,

Tristan

You should call it ‘Porkies’ :D. I’m not sure what the first stanza refers to, though I understand what it’s getting at. And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS. It would nice if each stanza were in some way a...

Hi Jackie, I think the ending is fine meaning-wise. However, I agree with Not about the repetition of ‘ask’ in the final three lines. I also don’t think ‘gap shelves’ works. As there is no punctuation in the poem, I don’t think it needs question marks. I like the symmetry between the second and penu...

Hi Not, I like the implication/irony that Spaffer (Johnson) is morally blind. Maybe shorten it to something like Checking your eyesight during lockdown Can you see the problem? Spaffer: ‘No’. . Eye Test Driving on a public highway, during lockdown, to check your vision. Can you see the problem? Spaf...

Hi Seth,

If you are like Santa, wouldn’t that imply you should leave a few gifts (poems) when you visit?

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Not, I enjoyed them all, although 2 and 3 were my favourites, but only because I had to research 1 a little. I think they work well together. Some remarks below. . Childish i. Water Cannon, Garden Bridge never used, never built. Where did all the money go? Don't ask Spaffer. (Yes, spunked up the ...

Hi Not, I fully agree with the sentiment of this poem, but don’t think it’s quite there yet. Maybe something like this or parts of this might help. A mutant strain of Old School Tie-itis is replicating across Whitehall. It’s understood this Crony-virus transmits through breath and blood, infecting T...

Hi Trev, I like the first three stanzas, but really not sure about the rest. I agree with Mac: I think the poem should end on ‘the day you were born’. The final line doesn’t work for me. Some specific comments below. To think of how your inky eyes ( like ‘inky eyes’) unclouded to allow confessions o...

Hi Mac, I like it. For me, most of it works nicely. I especially like ‘sulky slide’, ‘clobbering guilt‘ and ‘bake your kindness cage’. I think that last phrase describes that feeling very well. I think many of us were smacked/slapped, who were children in the 70s. It was a different time, and social...

Hi Lotus,

I too really like the second stanza too. I have to say that the ‘mere’ stood out for me too, but not in a negative way. I like the constraint. The more I think about that first stanza and the ‘comparison‘ the better it gets.

It’s a compelling poem.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Trev, Much appreciate your comments and pleased you like parts of the poem and the way it concludes. I can see the merits of getting rid of the ‘I’ in the first line, which I may well do, and getting rid of stanza three. I’m not sure I will get rid of s3 though as it gives a different direction t...

Hi Lotus, Really pleased you like it. I like your suggestion for the ending Very much and may well use it. Many thanks! Cheers, Tristan Hi Not, I think you may be right about the ending not quite being there yet. Your two penn'orth is a very different poem to mine, though there are parts I like :D ....

I like the idea  that we’re all free on the periphery. But there are still competing gravities: I have sex  with the same sex;  have black skin;  have two X chromosomes. Some find it easier to fit in because they don’t. Unlike those whose names stutter inside their heads, and feel a dizziness  when ...

Many congrats Mac. I like this poem.

This is a new journal for me; it looks an interesting one.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac,

It’s a lovely quote. I’m going to read the article now.

Thanks for posting.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac, Obviously, the tasteless implication of gaudy is a subjective judgement/matter, which in this context some may find a little snobbish - I do not though. I like the sonic thread it has with bawdy. Not sure about ‘thing’ in the first line, but it does fit the tone and gives you that ‘thing’/‘i...

I enjoyed your tribute to Boris and especially that first stanza. Not sure I get the ending. (Just got it. Think I was reaching for something more difficult. Still, it’s a nice ending.) Some specific comments below. . Man About Town As if a soufflé collapsed then put on a suit but couldn't quite get...

Many congrats Not. Enjoyed the poem and the title.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congratulations Louis on your publication in Snakeskin. I enjoyed both poems, but unfortunately somehow missed them on our board. Good to have you posting on PG.

Cheers,

Tristan

Thanks Mac. I fear we may have lost Seth, but David is still around Moderating when needs be. I agree, Annie’s poems are excellent. I think Happenstance is pushing her forward into the limelight and rightly so. I bought her first pamphlet ‘Infinite In All Perfections’ and really liked it, but think ...

Many congrats to Seth and David for their poems being published in this month’s edition of Snakeskin. I love all their poems, but especially David’s version of death and Seth ‘the undersigned’. It’s a Bonanza of brilliant shorts. Give it a read.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Mac on your latest contribution to the project. I like it and remember it being workshopped here not so long ago.

Cheers,

Tristan