The Poets' Graves Workshop

Think I might have it now. Does N capture a side of his friend/lover he/she had never seen before and it’s hawkish and not very nice? That’s quite a different interp from my last one.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac, Lots of pleasing sonics and interesting threads - stop/flock/frock/freckled - here, but the meaning eludes me a little I’m afraid, but maybe that’s meant as the nightjar is an elusive bird. I like the images but I’m struggling to link them up. I think it might be about a very fragile ‘bird’ ...

I’ve had two poems accepted for edition 61/62 of The Journal. Haven’t had any poems in The Journal for a long time so was really pleased. If you don’t subscribe, here they are. Culture My father said his big mistake  was to think that others were  the same as him.  But what exactly did this mean? Th...

Hi Mac,

Really enjoyed reading curious again. Really like it.

Many congrats.

Cheers,

Tristan

Enjoyed this poem Mac. Many congrats.

Cheers,

Tristan

Thanks Mac. Really pleased you enjoy. I enjoyed Ray’s poem too. Many congrats Ray.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac,

I’ve read this one quite a few times and finding it a bit impenetrable.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Not, Yes, it’s a good poem now. The like the circularity and contrast of the ending. The extra verse gives that extra distance the ending needed from the beginning for that circularity to work better. It’s a good children’s poem or poem for adults who like pirates. You probably know this, but Kat...

Hi Perry, Good to see a new post by you. I can sympathise with the content of this poem. From the outside America can seem as you say, especially with Trump as president. I think for it to be more closely related to Shelley’s poem, it could start with a characterisation of Trump as Shelley does with...

Many congrats again Mac. I think my favourite out of these three is ‘The Fencer‘, but I really like ‘Piper at the Gates of Dawn‘, too.

You are getting quite a few poems in different places at the mo, which is great to see. Is there a pamphlet brewing?

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Mac. I enjoyed all three. And you were in good company: Sam Smith is the editor of The Journal, an excellent poetry publication.

Cheers,

Tristan

Thanks Mac! And congrats to David, too.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Not, This has improved vastly since the first version. The rhythm In the first six stanzas now works really well and mimics the first stanza. However, for me, there seem to be two separate poems here. I think the couplets could easily be a strong poem without the long set up of the Jack and Jill ...

I like the idea of Covid’s humbling aspect. And I also think I’ve now understood why Gabriel ‘launches a crescent moon‘ again. It’s to show how bored he is. That what we do when we are bored: we repeat things.

I like the latest revision.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Mac, I’m pretty sure this is about the effects of lockdown and the isolation/boredom it’s caused. However, I’m struggling to understand the full journey of the poem and how it comes full circle. I’ll keep on trying though. It’s probably just me being slow and I’ll get it in a couple more reads. I...

Hi Mac,

Sorry to say this, but I miss ‘It wasn't words that mattered for magic‘. I not keen on ‘unploughed’ either.

Cheers

Tristan

Hi Perry, I think it’s a good poem. The first stanza sets up the more philosophical second stanza well, and I like the way you bring that second stanza back down to earth with that final ‘it is my turn to pleasure you’. Nicely done. My only nit would be that ‘rafters of the sky’ is a bit weak. I thi...

Thanks for returning Perry & Mac. I think you are both right that the reason my kids are in their underwear needs explaining more explicitly. I like your suggestion Perry and may well change the word to something similar to what you suggest. I’m not sure Mac that I wanted this poem to be a ‘reveal‘ ...

Many thanks for reading Perry and Mac. I think the image of my children waiting for a storm in their underwear has caused confusion. This is what my kids actually like to do. They wait in their underwear in our backyard so that they can dance in/enjoy the heavy summer rain and get relief/escape from...

Hi Mac, I like the movement from ‘shared quiet’ to ‘not words that matter for magic’. I think I get the connection between ‘fallow’ and ‘Samhain’ (a Celtic harvest festival): it implies that her harvesting is behind her now and she’s like the fallow field and maybe like her grandmother when she knew...

In their underwear, our children wait, darkness gathering, cracks of thunder closing in, but the rattle of water down our drainpipes does not come, the edge of the yard barely turning a darker shade. Moments later, the old stone wall slightly steams - not enough though to smell the aftermath of a do...

Many thanks Not. Glad you like it.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Not, IMO, it’s just too weak to have such a cliche in the first line as ‘sow the seeds of doubt’. It’s just so threadbare, even with the slight irony that it’s being applied to a gardener, but that’s nowhere near enough to salvage it. I think the same about ‘the path of least resistance’ too. I’d...

Hi Mac,

It works nicely now. Crystal clear too.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many thanks Mac. This is one of my own favourites of my own poems. Thanks for drawing my attention to the magnificent Streetcake. Much appreciated.

Cheers,

Tristan