Search found 608 matches

by David Smedley
Fri Feb 02, 2018 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding
Replies: 11
Views: 2116

Re: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a little more in the way of a response to the responses, David. These people - including me, I see - have all put a fair bit of time and effort into their comments on your poem. They deserve better and closer attention than you've given them here. Cheers Da...
by David Smedley
Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: POP STAR MARRIES CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART!!
Replies: 2
Views: 2061

Re: POP STAR MARRIES CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART!!

Cheers TS, you were "bang on" about the title, have amended to reflect that. It gels more now with what I was trying to project.
Interesting.
Interesting is good, what I was aiming for.
by David Smedley
Tue Jan 23, 2018 9:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: blah
Replies: 11
Views: 2057

Re: Lady Marguerite Gautier (La Dame aux Camellias)

Really enjoyed it RC, especially the ending.
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 21, 2018 8:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: POP STAR MARRIES CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART!!
Replies: 2
Views: 2061

POP STAR MARRIES CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART!!

Showbiz hacks report that he had met her on the family farm when they were teenagers, that at that time she weighed a whopping 500 pounds, but had lost weight for the ceremony like a prize-fighter loses weight to make a fight. "Sweated like a fat pig," is how haters online put it. Some asked how the...
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 21, 2018 8:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding
Replies: 11
Views: 2116

Re: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding

Luce.
FB.
Mac.
Seth.
David.

Thanks all for your views, Will glean something from the whole. D
by David Smedley
Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:23 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Grandad's Tale of Capture (Prose poem mixed with found text)
Replies: 0
Views: 2750

Grandad's Tale of Capture (Prose poem mixed with found text)

Brandon met L33 head on, emptying his Lewis gun, fifty explosive incendiary bullets, into the Zeppelin's stern section, it bucked and thrashed in mid-air like a harpooned whale. He banked around and hit the leathery hide again, but his gun jammed forcing him to call off the engagement. L33 escaped, ...
by David Smedley
Mon Jan 15, 2018 3:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Passing Out (revision2)
Replies: 14
Views: 2189

Re: Passing Out

The "keys" could be memories unlocking. The whole piece could be memories coming back while "N" sits
beneath an (apple tree?) Interesting to reflect on why "N" is back where the tree grows.
by David Smedley
Mon Jan 15, 2018 3:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: lost life
Replies: 4
Views: 1470

Re: lost life

My only reservation is that if I did that I'd lose the idea that the beach was hunted out of fossils, and that once when the N was a child there were many full annomites to be found.
Yes your right, your intention regarding what you wanted to imply to the reader did come across to me.

D.
by David Smedley
Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: lost life
Replies: 4
Views: 1470

Re: lost life

Worked for me. the last 2 lines brought that bit of extra depth. The last 5 lines also worked on their own.

D.
by David Smedley
Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding
Replies: 11
Views: 2116

Re: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=M%2bVH48Dv&id=ED239981BE07D7228C3C6C5A9C5582B355B38641&thid=OIP.M-VH48DvDeeUUhB9fa3CpgHaEt&q=reeds+in+bloom&simid=608050840102440273&selectedIndex=50&ajaxhist=0 https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=9YLbSEAS&id=0DD5106DA8A75F16BA0...
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: January 5th, 2018. slight edits.
Replies: 5
Views: 1138

Re: January 5th, 2018. slight edits.

Cheers FB, have incorporated 2 of those thoughts, I want the "window."
D.
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding
Replies: 11
Views: 2116

Brought to Light by Winter's Denuding

You had no-one to hold your hand and comfort you, or a doctor to diagnose and write a prescription for whatever it was that ailed; no, you were alone with your last breath, and I can tell from the way you lie that you keeled over onto your side and curled up to die. You could hear the lake lapping, ...
by David Smedley
Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:19 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Anybody up for a comp/writing exercise/discussion?
Replies: 6
Views: 2143

Re: Anybody up for a comp/writing exercise/discussion?

Seth asked:
What are people reading that they are finding engaging?
Just finished, for the second time!! Blood Meridian. If you have not read it (knowing you like prose and poetry) then I would recommend it. Hell of a thing.

PS. I'm up for joining in.
by David Smedley
Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:02 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Without a Compass (revision2)
Replies: 19
Views: 2370

Re: Without a Compass (revision2)

A tufted duck, eyes like buttons of gold, jumps and dives. The lake shivers. I'm wearing gloves, the ones you knitted in no time. We're tired. Liked this Mac, the gloves are a great touch. like the v' in "dives" and "shivers." My short-cut was a thinning path, giddy inclines, hands gripping tussocks...
by David Smedley
Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ritual - Revision III (Syllabic Verse)
Replies: 15
Views: 2110

Re: Ritual - Revision

Now starts the deceit, when the sharpness of vowels and consonants shapes the blades that betrayals are made of. Our cuts are deep and so we grasp the strands in the words that makes us whole that allows us to face each other in the stark light of morning, across the kitchen table. You say you’re s...
by David Smedley
Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:23 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Geoffrey Hill
Replies: 4
Views: 2787

Re: Geoffrey Hill

I keep the same beauties in my favourites Antcliff.
by David Smedley
Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Percuil River
Replies: 3
Views: 876

Re: The Percuil River

A sloe hedged path of grass and moss leads to a channeled stream embossed upon the creeping muddy drift where their awaits our little skiff. VERB embossed (past tense) · embossed (past participle) carve, mould, or stamp a design on (a surface or object) so that it stands out in relief: "an embossed...
by David Smedley
Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Hunter in the Wood
Replies: 9
Views: 1906

Re: The Hunter in the Wood

DS. Whilst I appreciate helpful comments from fellow aspiring poets, I think, judging from your comments, that you need help understanding and interpreting my poem and I'm happy to assist you as follows ; You say ; Hung there are six I see are dead their lovely plumage sodden red, they fell like hai...
by David Smedley
Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: January 5th, 2018. slight edits.
Replies: 5
Views: 1138

Re: January 5th, 2018

Thank you for your view Fortytwo.
by David Smedley
Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Hunter in the Wood
Replies: 9
Views: 1906

Re: The Hunter in the Wood

Well met sir, in this silent wood where I seek verse and you seek blood, I knew you were not far from here your gun spoke loud, its message clear. I judged your day was a success I found a pheasant in distress, the shot you fired had pierced its eye surprising that it did not die. Hung there are six...
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Murder
Replies: 4
Views: 1020

Re: Murder

Size seven shoes
on size nine
feet
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Homer
Replies: 6
Views: 1209

Re: Homer

FB.
Mac.
Ray.
Luce.

Thanks all for your views.

Used "banks" for "wheels" after Luce's prompt.
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Thick water - looking for feedback
Replies: 7
Views: 1194

Re: Thick water - looking for feedback

My mouth is filled with water, Thick, black water. The kind that you can’t cough up or swallow. The taste of your words glaze my tongue Making my breath bitter and hot. I can’t speak, I can’t speak without it spilling from my mouth Like a waterfall gushing from my palette, Sour and angry. My throat ...
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: January 5th, 2018. slight edits.
Replies: 5
Views: 1138

Re: January 5th, 2018

Thanks for your thoughts Ray, happy you got something from this draft.
by David Smedley
Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Beach in Summer
Replies: 2
Views: 900

Re: A Beach in Summer [with additions]

Who loves those days when the sun is hazed and the sea unruffled with its mirrored glaze shows every ripple and fish that moves in the current's stream swept surface ooze. Have amended the above verse slightly so that it reads more smoothly. I also think that the word "ooze" does not make sense in t...