The Poets' Graves Workshop

I done it.

I like the idea of distance being an emotion - there's the makings of a nice little equation there - but I don't think your next two lines develop that idea. So either you change them or you change the opening. But I like the opening.

Cheers

David

Very good, Joao. (I see that's exactly what I said at the time.)

Well done!

David

Charles, I don't like to come between a lapsed Catholic and his God, but I like the conceit of this while agreeing with Perry that more metrical and wittier would be better. I admire your argumentativeness, your willingness to buttonhole the Big Feller, but would like it more if it were a bit punchi...

A nice alternative view on the Cities of the Plain, Perry. (You've read Proust, I presume. Male love abounds. Not sure if that's the appropriate term nowadays.)

The (alleged) oddness of God is not disputed. Not by me, anyway.

Cheers

David

Not another poem about the evolution of trichromatic vision in primates! This is getting tedious.

Actually, the cones start to make sense now. I'll revisit this, now that I have a new way of seeing it.

"Two-coners" seems completely resistant to Googling, which doesn't help.

Yes, I like it too. And I agree, conversational poems definitely have their charms - often more so than more strenuously poetical things. There's always a danger that the heat on such poems is turned down too low, so that things start to get less interesting, but I think this one works pretty well. ...

Isn't "it" a linguistic device in itself? You might be right, Perry. It sounds right, but I'm not very good on the technical names for such things. Thanks Not. I may overuse "the" - but just try not using it - but here I think the "the" x 2 are opposing terms - it is one thing, not another - so I'm...

I really like it, Luke. I find it repays repeated readings - always nice to be able to say (even if quite difficult, with all those re- words). If you must have "abandoned" on a line of its own, I think I'd quite like it like this: The path to St Denys’ is lined with saplings boxed in post and wire....

bjondon wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 26, 2019 3:06 pm

Thank you David, . . . The Clash or the nursery round?

The Clash, Jules. Showing my age there. Again.

But I very much prefer it uncentred. Don't know why, but I do. It somehow looks too neat now, like a suburban lawn.

Cheers

David

I think this is really good, Jules. It absolutely captures that sense of the ongoing urban buzz (which I vaguely remember, and which my daughter now lives in) of the city that never sleeps (or only sleeps five hours a night). It reminded me - in a muted way - of Lahndahn's Burning . Which is no mean...

Okay, we're back to something good now, but I miss the crisps. Who cares what flavour? But the salt and vinegar is a nice touch (and, I imagine, almost metaphorical. Damn these metaphors.)

Cheers

David

I'm a fan of this thread of your work, Ray, as you know not - that I dislike the other stuff, but this subject often brings out something special in you - and I think I only need to say that this is another good one. None of the obscurities reported by others seemed that obscure to me, but that's th...

Phew! Thanks Tristan. (But the "it" is the noise. This seems to be a slippery little thing.)

Firebird wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 22, 2019 8:28 pm

I didn’t get the drunken river. Nice image. Worthy of a poem I think.

But not the current one, Tristan? Ouch.

Oh lads. Not everything has to be an extended metaphor. And this isn't. It's just me, walking up the Gleneedle Road, which is very narrow and has high hedges, so that you have to keep an eye out for traffic coming both ways. And, after the heavy rain, I did find myself turning round to watch out for...

Looking back, there is no car
labouring through the lower gears
between these high hedges.

It is only the river,
grown garrulous with rain.

Sorry, Jules, I'm just not getting it. That doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it. I am, in a pleasantly befuddled way. I like the energy of your poems, even when I'm not sure what they're doing. They're often mystifying, but at least not drearily.

Cheers

David

Spose I'd better do something about it then.

Done. Check out Current Features, Luke.

Cheers

David

We've moved Luke's poem to Current Features - the first we've had for a while - by popular acclaim. Well, as much popular acclaim as we seem able to muster these days, which is not very much.

But we do think this poem is really good, like.

Macavity wrote: ↑

Sun Feb 24, 2019 6:27 am

We haven't had a nomination for a while. I'd like to nominate Luke's poem:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=23778&p=201007#p201007

cheers

mac

Yes, seconded. That's all we need, isn't it?

Never mind Blake - "O Rose" sounds remarkably Yeatsian, Jules. Not sure whether you want to make anything of that or not.

Cheers

David

That's a pretty good crit from Jules, I think, Perry - I particularly enjoyed his nod to Edgar Allan there. I also agree with him that the metre works well with the subject matter, and I share his reservations about some of the repetitions. Just to venture a remark of my own, S2 L2 doesn't work, doe...

Thank you James! You're a gent.

Cheers

David