The Poets' Graves Workshop

So, Ton ... a variation on Keats' famous poem, and not a bad one, although some of the rhyming could be spruced up in places, and the line lengths really need to conform throughout. I'd like to read it again once you've attended to those points. I like the attempted modernisation.

Cheers

David

Hi Suzanne. Nice to read you again. And the poem is very nice - the last 5 lines especially.

Hope you're well.

David

I like this one. I had my doubts about "wrawled", but I see it is a word. News to me, but I like learning new words. I like the Frost allusion - which I got - a lot. It's very apt, and gives the poem a very satisfying and surprising ending. I suspect Trump might well be exactly the sort of president...

Don't be honored, Jackie! It's only me! But I do like it. A lot.

Cheers

David

So I see! Hurrah for us.

And I see I liked both of yours and Ray's when they were posted here. In fact I liked Ray's more than he did, if you follow the thread down.

And that is - or those are are - one (or three) of your best, I think, Tristan.

David

Hi Tony. I think the image of the moonlight coming through the chink in the curtains like a silver coin into a slot is a great one. I suppose there is a problem in that it is the moonlight coming in but the moon itself that visibly resembles a coin, but the image still works for me. I don't mind the...

Really good, Jackie. It is - if I'm reading it correctly - a poem that is both about something (Scrabble, in this case) and also not about it (or about something else far larger,if you can imagine anything larger than Scrabble). And actually it works well, which is quite rare for such poems. If it's...

Very good. I didn't have any problems with theatre in this context. The only thing I didn't get first time round was why we need permission to depart - which troubled Not too, I see - but I get it now.

Good stuff.

Cheer

David

Well done Mac. I don't much like most of what is usually in Streetcake - Seth knows this, and (I think) attributes it to my fuddyduddyness - but I like your poem. And his, which is typically playful and erudite.

Cheers

David

And yep, I thought it probable does have a lot of fat, but wanted to see what's fattiest to others' eyes Well, I don't usually like to nip and tuck too much - or at all - in people's poems, as they have conceived them, but that reads like an open invitation in this case. So, here's what you're left...

I've been reading lately how a lot of the appeal of Robert Frost is in the conversational quality of the poems, and I think it's true for you too. The walk is as important as the destination. I wouldn't advocate radical shortening here. And you're still getting the DT for Mrs Shelley. Now that is al...

I like the first one. I know, unhelpful in the extreme.

Hi Trevor, In a nutshell: I like it. But we can explore the nutshell in more detail. Hallway - I quite like the rather intrusive metaphor of "a ballerina hoisted at the hips", but does it seem out of register with the prevailing voice in this section? I don't see the applicability of Frank to the ut...

Tristan, Mac, thank you. It's nice that you take an interest in what goes on outside these hallowed halls.

Cheers chaps

David

Very good. Well done Mac.

Cheers

David

Hi Trevor. Nice poem. I very much like "the gusty physics / of flight". And the last three lines. But those are just the "in particulars". I enjoyed the whole thing. There is, perhaps, a bit too much of the "and then ..." about it. Actually, it occurs to me now that you could remove the anecdotal as...

. Hi mac. The title's doing a lot of work now, and maybe struggling under the strain? . Yes, I have to agree. I think the best thing you can do is somehow smuggle a dark lady reference into the closing couplet - or perhaps just anywhere in the poem. Otherwise your title risks becoming a synopsis. L...

I like the revision. The end is much improved, and I really like "and keep a distance from myself".

Cooee! I'm over here!

Cheers

David

I didn't notice the reference to the sonnets. Haven't looked at them for a while. Certainly the closing couplet does seem quite like himself, so if that's all you, well done.

Ah. Very good title change. I think what was going on was unguessable before - it was for me, at least. (I'm still not sure that the body - erk, n.p.i. - of the poem delivers what the title promises, but at least now the intention is clear.)

Cheers

David

It's all very 18th century, isn't it? Which is fine, if that's what you want. For me, it's my least favourite poetical century. Apart from Gray's Elegy, which is terrific, and the blessed relief of Blake towards its end, I'm not a big fan. But clearly it is what you want, and metrically - if very ov...

I suppose we'll all, eventually, have a virus poem or two. This one works well at this stage of developments. I've been thinking of reading The Plague too. (First time for me.) When better?

Cheers

David

David, thanks for your continued interest. You are right, I’m not keen on the ‘inspirational’ tone of your suggestion. I agree. And, of what you have left, I think V2 is the best. It doesn't really convey very much in that form, but at least is not marred by the slightly unwieldy moralising of V3 a...

I thought it had the feel of a true story (as most of your poems do. I would say.)

Very good anyway.

I have some sympathy with Mac's point about the original version, although I'm not sure I'd describe the darkness as nefarious. I've never been particularly taken with the other side of the analogy - "The small successes drive us on, / make our lives more bearable ..." in V4 - but I like the paradox...