Search found 553 matches

by Richard
Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Chrysanthemum
Replies: 5
Views: 241

Re: Chrysanthemum

Agree with Ray. Intriguing though
by Richard
Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Re: Flood

Thank you all! May have to kill that owl!
by Richard
Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I don't believe in poets (Revised v2)
Replies: 16
Views: 455

Re: I don't believe in poets

I quite liked this. Maybe it does sag a little in the middle. I enjoyed the end.

R
by Richard
Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Re: Flood

Eira, thank you!
by Richard
Fri Jan 03, 2020 5:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Trappings (v10)
Replies: 25
Views: 920

Re: Trappings (v10)

Nice! I feel like I should not like simulate but do.

Only one the in s1 would be better?

I’d definitely jettison hanged. I wouldn’t care that it was ‘correct’.

Best

R
by Richard
Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Re: Flood

Redraft - thanks all!
by Richard
Mon Dec 30, 2019 9:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Re: Flood

Hmm, yes. I see what you mean. Thanks Ray!
by Richard
Mon Dec 30, 2019 12:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Re: Flood

Thank you both. The detailed crits are really useful. I’ll have a think.

R
by Richard
Tue Dec 24, 2019 5:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flamboyant
Replies: 14
Views: 1409

Re: Flamboyant

I like this, it’s playful and mysterious. Could you get rid of the gerunds? Just a thought, but not sure it matters.
by Richard
Tue Dec 24, 2019 5:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flood
Replies: 12
Views: 501

Flood

V2 My heart fills up, a flooded room of you. Its silence is the Chapel where I saw you last. A shroud of heavy blankets turned down reveals your face; a floating photograph, the background fading first. A chance to kiss your hair the nurse had brushed, and stare at your nose pulled to an owl-like ho...
by Richard
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 22/11/63
Replies: 15
Views: 1285

Re: 22/11/63

David,

I like the end. It’s a nice idea/memory for a poem.

I’d like to see you abandon the tentativeness of the first stanza. And the neat form carries forced line breaks. Try more natural line breaks, and less structure? Trim just a word or two, I think.

Nee bugger can really skate on a pond!

R
by Richard
Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coevals
Replies: 13
Views: 1037

Re: Coevals

David,

I’m not getting the title. Given that they are not Coevals. Nor is N. Am I missing something?

The last stanza is delish. Very gently melancholic.

R
by Richard
Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Homecoming
Replies: 4
Views: 782

Re: Homecoming

I'm with James, I think. Evocative as far as it goes but a bit too fragmentary to be more satisfying.

R
by Richard
Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taking flight
Replies: 9
Views: 1181

Re: Taking flight

Thanks Luke. I'm not sure there is a great deal to say about the hat: it's something N has left behind for his child, something that echoes (not the right word but you get the idea I hope) his presence; it's empty; its turned over in the manner of someone asking for something but not receiving. JJ -...
by Richard
Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taking flight
Replies: 9
Views: 1181

Re: Taking flight

Oh, thank you very much!

I wonder if this deals with the problem....?

English, in the half words, that you
um um um, an upturned song, a broken one.

Best

R
by Richard
Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taking flight
Replies: 9
Views: 1181

Taking flight

Your mother told me you were asking after Dadda in your weh weh English, in the half words, that you um um um, an upturned song, a broken one. You are your own, an empty sense but full of music and there will be words eventually. For if I leave without a splash in the papers or the Ocean, know I wil...
by Richard
Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Edge Top
Replies: 30
Views: 3371

Re: On Edge Top

I love the economy and the rhythm of this. I went away and looked up the story and re-read it. It worked even better. I know tastes differ on this, but I think you might want to explain at the outset: Alice Glass and was the youngest child hanged in England or something like that. It's cold, that's ...
by Richard
Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Freya (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1276

Re: Freya (revised)

There are lots of evocative, nicely drawn phrases here. I'm struggling a bit to see the whole, to take away some kind of story or message. I wasn't sure that "you" in each of the verses was referring to the same person. The "you" seem to become quite specific later on. I'm generally a bit wary of ar...
by Richard
Wed May 24, 2017 6:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Immortal Earl Bostic
Replies: 8
Views: 786

Re: The Immortal Earl Bostic

Really good. Lovely idea and well executed.
by Richard
Wed May 24, 2017 6:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Four Weekend Gods
Replies: 9
Views: 857

Re: Four Weekend Gods

Yup, good. I like it. Not sure about possesses. Something less domineering about the presence on the sky might work better. Am mystified in a pleasant way by the champagne glass. Powerful ending. Nice work.
by Richard
Fri May 19, 2017 6:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Attic Salt
Replies: 1
Views: 363

Re: Attic Salt

If it helps, I'm more of a groaner than an offeror of insight.

Best

R
by Richard
Thu May 18, 2017 5:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Creatures of Bilateral Symmetry
Replies: 4
Views: 583

Re: Creatures of Bilateral Symmetry

Seth, I especially liked: Draw a line down the middle, top to bottom: sameness on each side. and the end... grow an extra ear, a foot, at least a tiny toe, or have the grace to stand sideways." I don't really understand what its about, but i didn't feel like it mattered, because I sensed I half unde...
by Richard
Wed May 17, 2017 5:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shrunken
Replies: 4
Views: 614

Re: Shrunken

I'm struggling to comment on this because I can't see what you is
by Richard
Wed May 17, 2017 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: What Blake didn't say about Innocence (Was: 'Innocence')
Replies: 26
Views: 2547

Re: What Blake didn't say (Was: 'Innocence')

It's nicely executed. I don't much like the new title. I'm not sure it carries me into the poem, as I am now looking for an insight on Blake or innocence I can't see.


Best

R
by Richard
Sun May 14, 2017 3:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Photobomb
Replies: 3
Views: 531

Re: Photobomb

Ray/not,

Thank you both. It's a poem that's been rewritten quite a few times over a week or two. Needs more work, I know.

Best

Richard