Search found 561 matches
- Mon Dec 28, 2020 11:04 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: THE CLOSING & REOPENING OF THIS FORUM
- Replies: 28
- Views: 1488
Re: THE CLOSING & REOPENING OF THIS FORUM
Ah, I stumbled across this as I did the typical (worse this year) melancholy, things I should do more of, kind of review. This has always been a very good board, higher quality, nicer, properly critical friendly, in the best ways. Thank you Cam and Nic. I’d like to try and join in on the new board i...
- Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:44 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Five hundred yards from home
- Replies: 6
- Views: 581
Re: Five hundred yards from home
Thanks Ray. I flip flop on the repetition thing. I think you might be right.
R
R
- Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:55 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Five hundred yards from home
- Replies: 6
- Views: 581
Re: Five hundred yards from home
Thank you both. A rewrite, pinching some of the ideas! R
- Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:48 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: An exchange
- Replies: 9
- Views: 760
Re: Feeding the Crows
I see what you say about s1 Tony, but it doesn’t work for me I am afraid. Liked the end a lot. R
- Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:32 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Five hundred yards from home
- Replies: 6
- Views: 581
Five hundred yards from home
Five hundred yards from home V3 Metaphors of war do not have empty villages marked by closing notices pinned to shop doors, sun-dried paper, rustling thanks and safeness. Metaphors of war do not have old folk first in line for silence on their usual walks, smiling with a fretful friendliness shy of ...
- Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:31 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Reputation
- Replies: 10
- Views: 845
Re: Reputation
I might think about excising the bits in bold...? It was never going to be enough to merit a round of applause of a Thursday evening . But as a means [way?] to get involved in the resistance , to meet other people and be observed to assist while keeping [and keep?] my distance, then fetching Mrs She...
- Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:25 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Reputation
- Replies: 10
- Views: 845
Re: Reputation
Ha, nice punch line!
- Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:24 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: 5am & Philosophical
- Replies: 17
- Views: 1007
Re: 5am & Philosophical
Nice!i had a quick play to snip out bits I didn’t think you needed or deal with line breaks that jarred (with me). Hope you find it useful, if not, apologies! Emulating the sea, as if all babies are mariners, yearning for a life once lived on blue terrain. Sleep is a currency; we’re adrift of its wa...
- Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:03 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Chrysanthemum
- Replies: 5
- Views: 607
Re: Chrysanthemum
Agree with Ray. Intriguing though
- Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:01 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Re: Flood
Thank you all! May have to kill that owl!
- Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:58 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: I don't believe in poets (Revised v2)
- Replies: 18
- Views: 2403
Re: I don't believe in poets
I quite liked this. Maybe it does sag a little in the middle. I enjoyed the end.
R
R
- Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:44 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Re: Flood
Eira, thank you!
- Fri Jan 03, 2020 5:50 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Trappings (v10)
- Replies: 25
- Views: 2114
Re: Trappings (v10)
Nice! I feel like I should not like simulate but do.
Only one the in s1 would be better?
I’d definitely jettison hanged. I wouldn’t care that it was ‘correct’.
Best
R
Only one the in s1 would be better?
I’d definitely jettison hanged. I wouldn’t care that it was ‘correct’.
Best
R
- Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:53 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Re: Flood
Redraft - thanks all!
- Mon Dec 30, 2019 9:27 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Re: Flood
Hmm, yes. I see what you mean. Thanks Ray!
- Mon Dec 30, 2019 12:31 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Re: Flood
Thank you both. The detailed crits are really useful. I’ll have a think.
R
R
- Tue Dec 24, 2019 5:24 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flamboyant
- Replies: 14
- Views: 2490
Re: Flamboyant
I like this, it’s playful and mysterious. Could you get rid of the gerunds? Just a thought, but not sure it matters.
- Tue Dec 24, 2019 5:19 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Flood
- Replies: 12
- Views: 1123
Flood
V2 My heart fills up, a flooded room of you. Its silence is the Chapel where I saw you last. A shroud of heavy blankets turned down reveals your face; a floating photograph, the background fading first. A chance to kiss your hair the nurse had brushed, and stare at your nose pulled to an owl-like ho...
- Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:10 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: 22/11/63
- Replies: 15
- Views: 1804
Re: 22/11/63
David,
I like the end. It’s a nice idea/memory for a poem.
I’d like to see you abandon the tentativeness of the first stanza. And the neat form carries forced line breaks. Try more natural line breaks, and less structure? Trim just a word or two, I think.
Nee bugger can really skate on a pond!
R
I like the end. It’s a nice idea/memory for a poem.
I’d like to see you abandon the tentativeness of the first stanza. And the neat form carries forced line breaks. Try more natural line breaks, and less structure? Trim just a word or two, I think.
Nee bugger can really skate on a pond!
R
- Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:40 am
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Coevals
- Replies: 13
- Views: 1471
Re: Coevals
David,
I’m not getting the title. Given that they are not Coevals. Nor is N. Am I missing something?
The last stanza is delish. Very gently melancholic.
R
I’m not getting the title. Given that they are not Coevals. Nor is N. Am I missing something?
The last stanza is delish. Very gently melancholic.
R
- Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:45 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Homecoming
- Replies: 4
- Views: 986
Re: Homecoming
I'm with James, I think. Evocative as far as it goes but a bit too fragmentary to be more satisfying.
R
R
- Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:43 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Taking flight
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1588
Re: Taking flight
Thanks Luke. I'm not sure there is a great deal to say about the hat: it's something N has left behind for his child, something that echoes (not the right word but you get the idea I hope) his presence; it's empty; its turned over in the manner of someone asking for something but not receiving. JJ -...
- Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:33 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Taking flight
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1588
Re: Taking flight
Oh, thank you very much!
I wonder if this deals with the problem....?
English, in the half words, that you
um um um, an upturned song, a broken one.
Best
R
I wonder if this deals with the problem....?
English, in the half words, that you
um um um, an upturned song, a broken one.
Best
R
- Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:12 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: Taking flight
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1588
Taking flight
Your mother told me you were asking after Dadda in your weh weh English, in the half words, that you um um um, an upturned song, a broken one. You are your own, an empty sense but full of music and there will be words eventually. For if I leave without a splash in the papers or the Ocean, know I wil...
- Wed Dec 19, 2018 12:07 pm
- Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
- Topic: On Edge Top
- Replies: 30
- Views: 4542
Re: On Edge Top
I love the economy and the rhythm of this. I went away and looked up the story and re-read it. It worked even better. I know tastes differ on this, but I think you might want to explain at the outset: Alice Glass and was the youngest child hanged in England or something like that. It's cold, that's ...