Search found 2620 matches

by k-j
Wed May 02, 2018 7:20 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Poet Voice
Replies: 3
Views: 838

Poet Voice

Interesting piece about why so many poets read excellent, expressive (or not) poems in that portentous droning way which drains all the life out of their creations. The Glück and Trethewey examples linked in the piece are egregious, and T.S. Eliot comes to mind as perhaps the worst of all. The stuf...
by k-j
Wed May 02, 2018 6:46 pm
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 466
Views: 134166

Re: Who's reading what?

Hi Churinga, nice of you to add to this thread. I reread 'Middlemarch' a few years ago, after studying it at Uni about 50 years ago. It is one of the best. I agree, I've read all of Eliot's novels now except for 'Adam Bede', and 'Middlemarch' is by far the best and the only really great one. I'll ha...
by k-j
Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perhaps
Replies: 7
Views: 1859

Re: Perhaps

Thanks all, strange that this was resurrected after a year.

Tony, those words obviously chosen for the rhyme, but I don't think they're antiquated, just uncommon.

As for the audience, I guess it's the "us" of the poem... or just the speaker talking to him/herself?
by k-j
Sun Apr 08, 2018 4:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Church and State
Replies: 2
Views: 424

Re: Church and State

I like the first two lines. The metre vapourises in the third line. Fourth line you have a syntax issue. The comma at the end is awkward, because it's trying to legitimise a weird sentence structure. I think you have to rewrite it somehow. "Was ever thus" is a cliché. You can just delete those words...
by k-j
Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Skein over a reservoir
Replies: 5
Views: 629

Re: Skein over a reservoir

I'm not sure about "burrows". It's kind of a slow-sounding verb isn't it? I'd think something like "drills" would be better here. "Corbelling" felt a bit flashy on first read but I'm coming round to it. "Who" feels out of place grammatically but I'm sure you realise that. I would lose "incorrigibly"...
by k-j
Thu Apr 05, 2018 7:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Flight Deck (Revision)
Replies: 15
Views: 1793

Re: Flight Deck

Last four lines are outstanding. The middle verse is where I think you can improve this poem. I agree with Ray about "godlet", "god" and "planet" would be better. Maybe just "gravity" not "its gravity"? Any reason why "the left wing" rather than "a wing"? You can lose "on their seats" and it's bette...
by k-j
Thu Apr 05, 2018 7:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Body Authority
Replies: 5
Views: 528

Re: Body Authority

I do think "Marionette" would be a better title, unless you want it to be more of a riddle than a poem. "My right and my left arms" is rather an odd construction (how does it improve on "my arms"?) Agree that "scuffed" doesn't quite work to describe a human being. Definitely worth developing the the...
by k-j
Mon Mar 26, 2018 12:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hours Ago
Replies: 12
Views: 1068

Re: Hours Ago

I quite like this. Some striking turns of phrase e.g. line 2, the babies, the cavorting trees. I'm not keen on the third stanza. "Screaming blue murder" is hackneyed and "suddenly" also seems OTT. Unless this stanza with its reek of horror is some sort of parody, but if so it feels out of place in t...
by k-j
Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wasted Hours (revised)
Replies: 17
Views: 1237

Re: Wasted Hours

I think it's in Good Omens that it turns out the M25 is an enormous demonic sigil designed to trigger armageddon.

I too feel the anger but not the poetry.
by k-j
Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 60
Replies: 16
Views: 1480

Re: 60

I agree with Ray, better without lines 3-6. I like the "conversational" tone and it seems especially apposite for this sort of subject... happy birthday old man.
by k-j
Mon Apr 03, 2017 6:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: April 2nd...
Replies: 7
Views: 1513

Re: April 2nd...

Greg Rusedski
could have learned to sled, ski,
or pilot a gondola round Venice.
Instead, he took up tennis.
by k-j
Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Compention results and NaPoWriMo
Replies: 7
Views: 1697

Re: Compention results and NaPoWriMo

Any similarities with Hawaiian deities are entirely coincidental.
by k-j
Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Compention results and NaPoWriMo
Replies: 7
Views: 1697

Re: Compention results and NaPoWriMo

Thanks to those who voted for me, and to those who never believed in me... I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles... etc... Bring on WAPINONINILAMOS (write a poem if necessary, or not, it's not important, lasting a month or so). EDIT - alternative event - WAPINONINILAMOS-OWANONAA at Nancy's request...
by k-j
Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2
Replies: 4
Views: 427

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2

Ok you fixed the rhyme. More features of a first-rate clerihew (for which PG ought to have a dedicated subforum, by the way): 1. Entirely unmetrical lines, varying wildly in length. 2. Ideally, all four lines should refer to the subject. This Clerihew turns out to be more about the woman than DGR. 3...
by k-j
Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2
Replies: 4
Views: 427

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew

Problem is "Janey" doesn't rhyme with "Rosetti". You need confetti, jetty, libretti or some such. Rhyme in a clerihew has to be strict. No half rhyme jiggery-pokery.

"Petty" would be good. You want a non-Italian rhyme ideally.
by k-j
Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:49 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: What should good poetry be?
Replies: 10
Views: 2730

Re: What should good poetry be?

Also, whoever it was that said poetry is what gets lost in translation.
by k-j
Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:39 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: What should good poetry be?
Replies: 10
Views: 2730

Re: What should good poetry be?

Always liked Kafka's "axe for the frozen sea within us", albeit he's talking about literature in general.
by k-j
Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Poetic Devices
Replies: 18
Views: 1045

Re: Poetic Devices

This is a winner. Quality all the way.
by k-j
Tue Mar 14, 2017 1:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Whatever Happened to Hip Hop?
Replies: 2
Views: 377

Re: Whatever Happened to Hip Hop?

groan...
by k-j
Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Several Lies
Replies: 2
Views: 935

Several Lies

They say you must stop by sometime for dinner or a drink. And there's no need to wink for it's a socially accepted lie. They say a butterfly can flap a wing and cause a great to-do which is half true and 50% a lie. They say The Catcher in the Rye is a novel you grow out of or abjure when you mature:...
by k-j
Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The untrustworthy ones,
Replies: 5
Views: 1597

Re: The untrustworthy ones,

Thanks all. This is a super-oldie which was originally about the horribleness of academia. I dredged it up and changed the second half (from line 9.5) so it was about the corporate world instead. Ian, idea in last bit is that the previous has been all about how awful corporate people are... but real...
by k-j
Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Perhaps
Replies: 7
Views: 1859

Perhaps

Had I decided that love mattered more than a lie did before we grew ardent? Perhaps I had, perhaps I hadn’t. Is her hair, half-hiding, half-revealing, neck and ear, the reason I'm bedizened? Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't. Does it render me nonplussed that by her calves, her waist, her bust I'm ins...
by k-j
Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Haddock, responsibly caught.
Replies: 11
Views: 850

Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Duh, just got that the last line's a giant joke. Forget what I said about that. Good poem.
by k-j
Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Haddock, responsibly caught.
Replies: 11
Views: 850

Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Not sure you need "responsibly caught" in the title, unless it's some pun I'm not getting? Like others, I like the overall mood. Maybe "let's be" instead of "to be" pragmatic? or just "be". "Half a moon" would be more interesting than the old "half-moon". Only thing really troubling me is the idea t...
by k-j
Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The untrustworthy ones,
Replies: 5
Views: 1597

The untrustworthy ones,

oh, you watch out for them – the person whose friend is your enemy’s friend – you watch out for them, or you’re screwed, for you can’t apprehend the untrustworthy ones – and you won’t get a chance to condemn – and your enemy’s enemy’s enemy’s friend is your enemy too. It’s too late by Performance Re...