The Poets' Graves Workshop

Like the tone and the chill of the mechanics. The repetitions pile on the distancing from care. The patient not foregrounded, but existing as subtext.

Never too keen on conjunctions ending a line, a false 'drama', but that is my bias.

Welcome to the forum. Lookforward to more.

cheers

mac

Kubla Khan By Samuel Taylor Coleridge Or, a vision in a dream. A Fragment. In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea. So twice five miles of fertile ground With walls and towers were girdled rou...

hi Jules The title, after googling, certainly got me interested in the Shakespeare angle. I haven't decoded the progressions in your poem beyond the obvious learning experience, though why the alphabet is ordered in the way it is led to some interesting info too. And even nop has a meaning. Well the...

Thank you very much riverrun. Pleased you picked up on the possibilities in the title. I enjoy a layered poem and it is always a plus when the reader peels the skin.

all the best

mac

The suggestion was to keep ken and rewrite the 'opinion' line.

best

mac

I'll admit, ken/opinion isn't really a rhyme (pen/opinion ?) - but I was playing with
folk can ken / opinion
(and it seemed too good to forgo). But ... will continue to ponder.

The symmetry of the poem's end rhymes means that 'play' is an 'outlier'.

best

mac

Thank you very much Honour. I like that notion of twisted symmetry Yes, there are many types of 'poisons' in the world - found in nature and the nature of people!

best

mac

with this couple viewing
the first scan of their first baby I would say it succeeds.

Thanks Jules, that opens the door into Luke's poem.

cheers

mac

Thank you Not., Charles and Jules. Pleased you enjoyed. I tried some of the suggestions, but for now the poem can live with some of its perceived imperfections. May change my mind in time. For those that are interested, some wiki... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lycorine thanks again all the best mac

A flavour of John Donne Not., though A Pain in the Arse is less than subtle. L1 reads far smoother in V2. There is a nice play between lexicon/ken , but like others I don't hear the rhyme in ken/opinion have I got? What says your scribbling pen? Just a thought cheers mac . v2. Good Old Fashioned Cou...

Something ominous in that ending Luke and that title. I presumed the 'meadow' is an idyllic memory and the 'clasped hands' are reflective of anxiety and reassurance in the hospital context. The process in S1 lost me...a flight? giving form to the infinite within each moment Very abstract. Not joinin...

This is the way the poem stands now: Up next: A poem about a dancer who understudied Barishnikov and now, in dim middle-age, lives in semi-darkness in the basement of an ex-wife, watches game shows all day, and contemplates what happened to the trajectory of his life. ========== Could this be bette...

A poem about a dancer who understudied Baryshnikov and danced Romeo at Prince Albert Hall, who now, in dim middle-age, lives in semi-darkness in the basement of an ex-wife, watches game shows all day, and contemplates what happened to the trajectory of his life. hi Perry I like the game shows becau...

Does anybody remember the old Star Trek episode (Captain Kirk etc) where the tribbles took over the Enterprise by uncontrollable breeding? They started with one fluffy, cooing ball of softness and from that point onwards they were swamped by tribbling tribbles. Nice at first, but then... Yes, I do ...

A poem about a dancer who understudied Barishnikov, and now, in dim middle-age, lives in the stillness of the basement...........................an option for stasis contrast and to cut the hyphenating and in's of an ex-wife, watches sit-coms all day, and contemplates what happened to the trajector...

If I created the bird of paradise people would have called it garish. Why can’t I be more like nature? Hi Tristan, bloom I associate more with seasonal/flowers and the colours are evoked by the naming of the bird and the use of garish . The poem made me think of reader expectation, acceptance and c...

If distance was an emotion then the universe would be universal and you would always be there. I could reach out and kiss those eyes as you sleep. Just throwing an option your way, though your intention - plane/thought maybe more idea driven. Either way I don't see the neccessity of the three line ...

Entertaining and fun, with a reality I can relate to or have observed. Like the disintergrated/ing form propped up by the concluding long line. Reflects the subject matter. Not keen on demented, though no inventive option has come to my mind.

cheers

mac

Thank you Joao, Perry, Camus, JJ and Tristan. Very helpful as usual. I might be way off, but I'm guessing the 'lover' is not the groom. No, you are spot on Joao. Love the Dutch saying. A whim of April snow humbles proud stems until the spring blooms tease uncut winter grass. I like the physicality o...

Hi Charles,
I think you've delivered elements of a crusty 'Daily Mail' voice, though the 'Plato' reference was a tangent. The stereotypical attitude highlighted in the concluding stanza. It is a viewpoint!

cheers

mac

Interesting context. My references points were The Listeners by Walter de La Mare, and of course Poe. I like the word frightmares, but it directed more to a genre write rather than personal experience. I do like the genre.

cheers

mac

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... -listeners

revision An April whim of snow humbles and bows proud stems until the spring bloom teases uncut winter grass. She sees them after parting curtains in the master bedroom: bold gold Narcissi and a slender Tulip with pale pink petals. Before making a black coffee she finds kitchen scissors, not daring...

Hi Perry, I've tweaked the poem in light of your comments. I think you have got the gist of the poem. This is a response from another poetry site: She had a lover who has died and she is now carving his Name on a bench. The lover was married too. The lover once commented that sex in marriage was dry...

Enjoyed this Namyh. There was a sense of fun in the sonics.

best

mac

Hi JJ

I'm not getting the emotion, probably because of my tastes in poetry!

best

mac