The Poets' Graves Workshop

A delicate delight to read while I am looking out on my garden! Can't add to all the suggestions, though the title felt 'ugly' (with this poem).

cheers

mac

Thanks for taking another look Geoff and Not. I uproot weeds with a hand digger, to get at the root, and picked 'hoe' because I like the word. On further investigation, like you said Not, hoes are used in different ways: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYRH5Gn2Wbg My earth tends to be clay rather tha...

Hi Leaf, Yes, always a sad time that loss of trees. They have an aura of permanency, that 'sturdiness', but obviously the reality is a vulnerability - they can't run! And it is unsettling to see the leftover shavings in this context. You have a plural in S1 and yet refer to 'the beech'. Is this beca...

Thanks JJ. Always profitable on the crit side, and the pleasure of reading your poems, to have you on the poetry forums, though I suspect your first love is painting! Yes, I also like this one, mac, although I had to read it a few times. I should have paid more attention to the title. :) Is there an...

Thanks for taking a look Not. I'm more or less happy with this, but I may revisit in future since some of the points you make have been on my radar. best mac . Hi mac, couple of thoughts. His tailored cloth as brown as sun-baked clay . ? Yes, I've thought of that one. It is my default mode for simil...

It is not prosaic.

Muchly enjoyed JJ. I've acquired a taste for your rural write. Excellent suggestion with 'banter' for the poem to end on a convivial note (but then I was okay with laughter ). My thoughts return ...I thought that had a classic Prelude echo :D Not convinced by 'dream' ie I was again okay with the ori...

Dear Jane, although I do not have your mind, A mind that makes moral choices so clear, Clear enough now for me to right my wrongs, The wrongs that take refuge in life's muddles, For muddles marinate in solitude; Yet solitude gives thought for humankind, A humankind in which we both belong, Belong be...

No probs Perry. Thanks for taking a look.

cheers

mac

I think your poem expresses what you feel Perry. I don't feel there are any edits to suggest.

good one

mac

Thanks for taking another look Geoff and the thumbs up and the nudges in the first place.

https://www.stpeterscommunitygarden.org.uk/about-us

cheers

mac

This was mentioned on one of the threads...



A little melodramatic on occasion, but also some magic

Thanks for that Barrett. Classic.

Yes, one of the best Boorman films - Point Blank is my fav. - and certainly one of the best Merlin's

I wonder if 'crusted' is need in this line? Reads better without it to me. Thanks Barrett. I didn't have the word in an earlier draft, but the line length was niggling me. The end line is adjective heavy and so I'll try the edit. Is the green eyes a reference to the Crosby, Stills & Nash song? No, ...

Thanks Geoff. "Strangers" is repeated twice so must be important,but all I can think is that she is in residence in the convent.. I was using 'stranger' for those disconnected from society and norms of behaviour, outsiders not accepted because of being 'different' or alienated to act 'differently'. ...

Thanks David. I meant cloth rather than clothe, though perhaps that's too poetic? Thanks for picking up on the spelling issue. Pleased you enjoyed.

cheers

mac

revision Her loose dress flaunts the colours of sweet peas. Another moment delights another stranger. His tailored cloth is brown like sun-baked clay. She woos the stranger at a bus-stop queue. Her skin inking tattooed promises. She strays on the way to the garden seeking Lancelot. No one labels st...

And when you learned that he had died,

did you feel a chill? Did you hear a sound

like the rustle of a cloak

Those lines reflect my thoughts on evil. Questions, but no answers.

The man you beat for being different is dead.

Perfect opening. Why does difference cause so much hate?

best

mac

That has far more impact JJ. Really like the criss-cross too.

cheers

mac

Feels like a snippet Jules. Perhaps most of the poem was lost to 'blow' I feel the playfulness deserves expansion

cheers

mac

hi Geoff, Thumbs up and thumbs down, but then I had few qualms about the original. I'm missing the visual symmetry, though the rhythms of V1 are smoother in my read. As I clunked the window open wingbeats thrummed the summer air the thwarted moggy in the yard enthralled me in his mesmer-stare, The m...

feral?

hi Jules, Heaney is a bit of a reference point when digging is mentioned, but there was no intentional thread, though WW1 trench digging was intended for context. That was a senseless waste...not a fact of celebration...victims not heroes. My political point for the day! Pleased you picked up on the...

Thanks JJ It makes perfect sense to me, what with the rattle of the can in the lane reminding him of the guns, the poppy reference, the knack for digging those bloody trenches and how he found comfort in the repetition. Thanks JJ. Pleased it made sense, but then to me it always does :) . Time for on...

ancient tongue triggered thoughts of ancient civilizations ...the Greeks etc I'm a lone voice on the 'moga stare' but thought it apt and fun (but then I was fine with lunging roars :) ) (as in the pen is mightier than the sword,but not in a dark alleyway :evil: ) Depends how pointed the quill is......