Search found 5210 matches

by Macavity
Mon Aug 10, 2020 8:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Small Worlds (revision)
Replies: 2
Views: 24

Re: Small Worlds

Thanks for taking a look Not. And only four nits :) Interesting ones, especially the structural option: I felt this was rather a limp effort and so was hiding in the tercets, but the bolder couplets and shuffle of rhymes are a progression. 'habitat' seems to be trying too hard, why not simply habit(...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 10, 2020 7:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Topsy Turvy
Replies: 1
Views: 11

Re: Topsy Turvy

Hi Not,
If I'm understanding the blinkered mindset/perspective, would he ever 'see' the viewpoint of others? 'Everyone else', is he that isolated? Or are the divides more tribal?

cheers

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 10, 2020 4:56 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Another short poem, this one is called Waning and is by Alan Cohen, and has an engaging delivery, a 'slightness' that threads content into form. It is not loud, almost if we are listening to the poet's whisper to himself, though the poem is addressed to the reader and prompts them to reflect on thei...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 10, 2020 12:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Small Worlds (revision)
Replies: 2
Views: 24

Small Worlds (revision)

revision These cosy rooms do not become timeless, removing clocks is just a childish gesture. And sharing space - a spicy spaghetti in bed, a bubbly bath - both knowing closure adds up in charts; and cuddling on the settee, our habitat's a sitcom of repeats, a brimming glass of grog, no half-life m...
by Macavity
Sun Aug 09, 2020 7:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Slender First Lady
Replies: 2
Views: 32

Re: Slender First Lady

Hi Amadis, I can't say that I'm that tuned into American politics, though it is a UK media obsession and therefore is always on the radar to an extent. The title and the opening line are both effective grabs. The conversational voice of that opening line delivers the shock value of the content. The ...
by Macavity
Sun Aug 09, 2020 1:41 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Short poems can travel a long way - inwards to outwards to inwards. As a consequence, I often find myself commenting more on a short poem in a workshop than a long poem. This poem starts with the statement Waves start somewhere and ends with the statement Waves start somewhere , which is a neat pack...
by Macavity
Sat Aug 08, 2020 4:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7565
Views: 943143

Re: Haiku Train

ensures mans future
this woman suckling her boy
all blossom is bliss
by Macavity
Sat Aug 08, 2020 3:53 pm
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Allah-Las Ferus Gallery
Replies: 0
Views: 8

Allah-Las Ferus Gallery

by Macavity
Sat Aug 08, 2020 3:39 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

This poem has a blunt title, but then delivers on 'surprise' in the poem, which makes the subject fresh - the subject being humans brutal self-interest, there is a real sense of bullying in this. The footnote gives a context, the historical consequence of blinkered behaviours...on reflection I've be...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 07, 2020 8:30 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Good to know Not. I've written a few poems where eggs make an appearance, usually at breakfast, so this one caught my attention: https://atriumpoetry.com/2020/07/21/eggshells-and-fontanelles-finola-scott/ One of my favourite egg narratives: https://www.northwordsnow.co.uk/issue35/Eggbox and one of m...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 07, 2020 8:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7565
Views: 943143

Re: Haiku Train

earth once more flowers
an emperor's feast for hares
tundra saxifrage
by Macavity
Thu Aug 06, 2020 8:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 98

Re: The Machirologist (revision2)

Such stamina Not. :lol: :D I'll add your thoughts to my list when I come to revisit (I'm going to let the current revisions bed awhile to see if they root...or maybe not :wink: ). As always thanks for offering your perspective.

all the best

mac
by Macavity
Thu Aug 06, 2020 3:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 98

Re: The Machirologist's Statement (revision)

hi Not I'll try to answer/justify some of the options I have taken, not to convince, but to clarify :D don't think that 'statement' fits the poem. Agreed. Edited. Still puzzling over the ending, why wouldn't she use her artificial hand to break the glass? I didn't say she had one (perhaps she's stuc...
by Macavity
Thu Aug 06, 2020 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 98

Re: The Machirologist (revision2)

Thanks for revisiting Not. You were right about the title (and on a few other points). Made some quick edits. Will go for a walk and ponder some more.

cheers

mac
by Macavity
Thu Aug 06, 2020 2:35 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

I once had a rejection from an ezine telling me - well I have many rejections from ezines - but this one stated 'your poems do not resonate close-up'. Quite a specific rejection - as opposed to 'your poems are not suitable for....' At the time, I regarded the rejection as somewhat pompous, an editor...
by Macavity
Wed Aug 05, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7565
Views: 943143

Re: Haiku Train

leaves bloody footprints
where gulls brawl until high tide
erases the melee
by Macavity
Wed Aug 05, 2020 4:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 98

Re: The Machirologist (revision)

Loved the title suggestion Not. I've tinkered a tad for some clarity. As always, thanks for taking time to offer suggestions.

best

mac
by Macavity
Wed Aug 05, 2020 12:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 98

The Machirologist (revision3)

revision3 She studied coincidence after her car skidded into Pastor Kris, shattered a shop window, and caused a retiring surgeon to amputate her hand (the one tattooed with poppies). The Kris is a dagger that wards off demons. Exactly a year earlier, her husband, uniformed at breakfast, spreading b...
by Macavity
Wed Aug 05, 2020 6:21 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Like many readers, I enjoy an ekphrastic poem. Auden's Musée des Beaux Arts is a famous example. One of the many attractions of poetry is sound and one of the tools to snare a reader is rhythm. Some contemporary poets seem to fear rhythm, that it is a formalist device that restricts and drags the vo...
by Macavity
Tue Aug 04, 2020 12:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 144

Re: Bonnie & Clyde v2

hi Not

I think you lose the 'black' humour of the original with the additional theme.

best

mac
by Macavity
Tue Aug 04, 2020 7:25 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

I don't mind 'fizz' in a poem, extrovert sounds, especially if it's a soundscape pattern of consonance and assonance rather than endline chimes. I feel in this poem, there's too much 'ugly' noise to begin with, though obviously the poet's intention is to structure the poem this way. However, there i...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 03, 2020 2:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 144

Re: Bonnie & Clyde

Thumbs up on the title change. Liking this more, now that I am keying into the changing perceptions of criminality and not web searching on the title!

best

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 03, 2020 2:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Galway
Replies: 2
Views: 52

Re: Galway

I enjoyed the write Trevor, its richness, which is a thumbs up from someone who has a bias (towards short poems!) Some detail below on what works and doesn't for me. I think you could write some notes to accompany the poem for an outsider to appreciate the context (I haven't done any web search beca...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 03, 2020 5:51 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 65
Views: 8656

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

I do enjoy poetry that conveys a sense of place, especially a rural setting, this one is in the High Window publication and is written by Lesley Quayle https://thehighwindowpress.com/category/poetry/#Lesley%20Quayle includes these lines that have that odour of authenticity :) glacial meltwater benea...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 03, 2020 5:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7565
Views: 943143

Re: Haiku Train

the gods have strange taste
a tin of ambrosia makes
perception divine