Search found 2403 matches

by Arian
Wed May 23, 2018 7:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gold Stone Vibes
Replies: 7
Views: 1628

Re: Gold Stone Vibes

David wrote:
Emmanuel wrote:This is an inspired work of poetry
No. It isn't. It really isn't. Naughty of Lovely to purloin it, nevertheless.
Seconded!
by Arian
Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I do the dishes.
Replies: 18
Views: 1416

Re: I do the dishes.

Very good. I much enjoyed the way you invoke a sense of guilt - is it? - for putting off chores while indulging your muse.

Are you the only person left alive who uses a pen?

What's your actual name? I haven't read your other posts, so sorry if I've missed it.

Cheers
Peter
by Arian
Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Skins
Replies: 8
Views: 1149

Re: Skins

loving the storms of powder
he volumed up around him.

...is simply terrific, in my view. But the whole thing is very good - a great idea, nicely executed. Wasn't too sure about Yah - it jarred somehow.

But, a nit.

Cheers
peter
by Arian
Sat Mar 10, 2018 10:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To the Flow
Replies: 6
Views: 937

Re: To the Flow

This... I sat among the smooth dry stones lamenting...the purple sage is a lovely sequence, to my mind. Smooth and lyrical, without sounding forced. The rest seems quite nicely worded, but - for me - lacks some narrative drive. It's mainly passive commentary. A nit - chilblains, I think, is the usua...
by Arian
Sat Mar 10, 2018 9:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 60
Replies: 16
Views: 1817

Re: 60

camus wrote:I enjoyed it. The slightly jaded, inevitable acceptance of it all.
Captures my feelings about the piece perfectly.

I especially like the ending, with its sense of determined, but decaying, optimism.

very good.

peter
by Arian
Sun Oct 15, 2017 7:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Road to Tomorrow (revision 2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1800

Re: The Road to Tomorrow (revision 2)

Excellent, JJ. I enjoyed it a lot. Its language is relaxed and undemanding, yet it captures a wonderfully reflective and poignant mood. Among many good lines, I particularly enjoyed: Cirrus clouds smeared the pale sky, Only 2 bits jarred with me (and then hardly at all). 1. L2 struck me as over lite...
by Arian
Mon Aug 28, 2017 6:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Eternal City - Revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1712

Re: The Eternal City

It was supposed to appear that N was straining rather than the writer. Ah, I see. I didn't pick up on that. I guess, as the piece is essentially contextless, we have no insight as to N's deficiencies. So the piece itself has to make the point clear that he's flawed. As you say, a tricky needle to t...
by Arian
Fri Aug 25, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Eternal City - Revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1712

Re: The Eternal City

Yes, very well done. I very much like the relaxed, ironical tone of the Grim Reaper, or whatever, making a sales pitch for the state of death. Some great lines, such as: you would want to fill the whole with the sum of your history. though one or two images seem strained. For example, As lazy as eli...
by Arian
Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wolfhound Tryptych, Three Perspectives (edit3 V1
Replies: 13
Views: 1094

Re: Wolfhound Tryptych from Three Perspectives (edit V1

A lot to admire here, not least the sense of immersion in the animal's life. That's well done. And the lovely flow that comes from the alliteration in "run a roe deer ragged, cornering it in a copse" has shades of de la Mare about it. Very nice. Maybe you could sharpen the distinction between perspe...
by Arian
Thu Aug 03, 2017 6:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Quiet Departures V2
Replies: 12
Views: 1360

Re: Quiet Departures

Nice, Seth. I really like the last line. And the assonance of 'happy hammered dulcimer' is very enjoyable.

is there a typo in L1, S2? (I am annoyed...etc)

Why is it in Beginners? (Not that I want to resurrect the old discussion about exp/beginners.)

Cheers
p
by Arian
Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Railway Flowers
Replies: 11
Views: 1123

Re: Railway Flowers

David wrote:
Lou wrote:Your right, the twee must be avoided at all costs.

This poem isn't about twees, it's about flowers.
I like that.
Ho ho. Me too.
p
by Arian
Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Charcoal
Replies: 6
Views: 699

Re: Charcoal

NotQuiteSure wrote: No - see below.
Ahh, obvious, really. Doh!
by Arian
Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Railway Flowers
Replies: 11
Views: 1123

Re: Railway Flowers

faces turned towards the track and waving when the trains go by. That's an image that's brilliant in its simplicity. Love it. In fact, I like the whole thing. Not sure I completely agree with David that it needs to rhyme. In fact, rhyming could (though not necessarily) give it a rather twee feel, un...
by Arian
Fri Jul 28, 2017 6:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: For the Love of Glasses & Ale (revision 3)
Replies: 27
Views: 3748

Re: To Ale Glasses (alternative)

Wow, this certainly has expanded a bit! And I like it. An engaging and amusing tribute to Dutch courage.

Cheers
peter
by Arian
Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: For the Love of Glasses & Ale (revision 3)
Replies: 27
Views: 3748

Re: To an Ale Glass

David wrote:I think you need to make it an acrostic.
Yep, agree. My first thought (after reading it) was to check out its acrostic nature. Was a bit disappointed with FEEBB.

Cheers
peter
by Arian
Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Terrible Mouldwarp (was Phantasm)
Replies: 14
Views: 1355

Re: Phantasm

Hard to crit in any negative way - it's rhythm is perfect, it builds tension nicely and it raises a smile at the end.

David has already used the word 'bathos', so I won't. But it was my first thought, too. Well done.

Cheers
p
by Arian
Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Charcoal
Replies: 6
Views: 699

Re: Charcoal

I confess that I'm not connecting entirely with the conceit here, though it's coming across, to me, as an extended metaphor on the aftermath of some kind of terrorist act. But, if it's opaque at the meta-level, it's very good at a granular level - some of the lines are excellent. All of them, in fac...
by Arian
Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Running
Replies: 6
Views: 731

Re: Running

It's got an easy, unforced air to it, which enhances (even creates) a sense of poignancy. Which I like a lot.

The first verse is very good, but it's the last that steals the show for me - almost a piece in itself.

Very good

Cheers
peter
by Arian
Fri Jun 30, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bang for Buck
Replies: 10
Views: 897

Re: Bang for Buck

A very enjoyable read for its rhythm, pace and imagery - even if, as David says, it's a bit obscure in places. It read to me like an interview for a business loan or something, but no doubt you had something else in mind. I especially liked: Dark horse closer. Shark jumper. Self nipple pincher. She ...
by Arian
Fri Jun 30, 2017 6:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Path, Mist
Replies: 12
Views: 955

Re: Path, Mist

Very good, but I didn't 'get' the last line until I read the thread.

Sadly, perhaps, I actually knew what crocs are. What's happening to me?
Cheers
p
by Arian
Fri Jun 16, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Zero Hours Contract
Replies: 10
Views: 828

Re: Zero Hours Contract

I quite like it, but not sure which of it is intended to be the poem. Why not post a final version - would like to see it.
Cheers
p
by Arian
Thu Jun 15, 2017 7:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wabi-sabi
Replies: 5
Views: 556

Re: Wabi-sabi

Ah, the empiricists putting the boot in to the rationalists. And with irony, too.

I like it.

Cheers
p
by Arian
Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Elvis has left the village
Replies: 20
Views: 2147

Re: Elvis has left the village

For me, this is quintessential David. Which is another way of saying excellent.

I really like, and admire, the way its apparent inconsequentiality captures a sense of poignancy; a sense of people trying, but not always succeeding, to make something of life. Or something.

Cheers
p
by Arian
Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Good Things (2/3)
Replies: 14
Views: 1019

Re: Good Things (2/3)

I liked the feel of it on first reading, but it wasn't until I read the comments that I twigged it's reference. Now that I have, though, I like it even more.

Very minor point - hyphenate sea-gifted.

Cheers
Peter
by Arian
Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wreckage (revision 3)
Replies: 20
Views: 1422

Re: Wreckage

I think the switch in the last 3 stanzas is too much, too swift, almost having no relation to what went before. Actually, it's what made the piece for me. I really like the way it symbolises how life transitions between the frivolous and the sombre, without preamble or conscience. In fact, I liked ...