Search found 843 matches

by nar
Thu Dec 01, 2016 7:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Time and money are irrelevant
Replies: 32
Views: 2071

Re: Time and money are Irrelevant

Fantastic. There's two things that I really like about this. Firstly, that the context of "round about now" seems very "well, maybe this month", when 65M years is so long . Secondly, that the idea of wealth after so long has a comic irony about it. I'd be tempted to change "given". It could have a r...
by nar
Tue Aug 23, 2016 8:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7524
Views: 745719

Re: Haiku Train

Backin' the eighties
stars was brilliant, better than
Sat alight of Love...
by nar
Wed Mar 16, 2016 3:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: mussels
Replies: 5
Views: 441

Re: mussels

I would agree, if only I had the time to waste here; sadly I don't.

Only one nit from me (it's in S1 / L1, I think)...

perhaps "a perfect waste of time" would be better?

Just a thought.

See you around (or not) :)
by nar
Sun Jun 21, 2015 11:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow White
Replies: 7
Views: 691

Re: Snow White

Thanks, David.

You know what I'm like, trying to cram a lot into a few, as ever.

Cheers...
by nar
Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow White
Replies: 7
Views: 691

Re: Snow White

Hey, Moth.

Thanks for that. Useful to know where I've missed.

S'bout an addict.

Cheers...
by nar
Fri Jun 19, 2015 9:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow White
Replies: 7
Views: 691

Snow White

half empty half fool
she consumed silver linings
from magic mirrors
by nar
Sat May 23, 2015 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Newtonian cider
Replies: 3
Views: 408

Newtonian cider

fermented apples
fall far from the tree, Isaac
final gravity…

- nar
by nar
Tue May 19, 2015 10:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Sepia May
Replies: 7
Views: 611

Re: A Sepia May

Hello... "relentlessness" is a perfect word (sonically) to use for rain. Kudos. I also like the subtly-spaced mutter / gutter ryhme Unlike Firebird, I'm less keen on"sun-softened shed roof". It's tricky for me to say, but it is a great image. I didn't understand "light-year". Given it' context, I kn...
by nar
Tue May 19, 2015 10:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Wound Up Crow
Replies: 9
Views: 748

Re: A Wound Up Crow

Hey, Firebird. Yes, the images work for me. The De Niro one works particularly well; the crows black suit matching that of the gangsters he's played. And beady eyed shiftiness. Nicely done. In terms of the metre & rhyme, I'd be temped to cut the syllables back, and drop the rhyme entirely. Make one ...
by nar
Sat May 16, 2015 9:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: It’s Complicated
Replies: 8
Views: 707

Re: It’s Complicated

Cheers, Kev.

I'm glad you made some sense of "the bi, bi-polar bear, bonnie and clyde jekyl and hyde thing"

No-one seemed to get the "good bi girl" / "Goodbye Girl" reference. Too obscure probably.

Kindest...

Neil
by nar
Sat May 16, 2015 9:07 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Food poems
Replies: 2
Views: 1443

Re: Food poems

Thanks, Ros.

Acknowledged and understood.

I'm sure I can do a better rewrite anyway :)

Kindest...

N
by nar
Thu May 14, 2015 8:38 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Food poems
Replies: 2
Views: 1443

Food poems

Hello, all. Back in 2011 (IIRC), we had a thread or competition or challenge about Food poems. I tried to find this recently, but couldn't. I wrote something daft - a recipe set to doggerel (chicken cassoulet) Does anyone remember this? Any idea where I can find it. Searches have failed. Cheers... N...
by nar
Thu May 14, 2015 8:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: It’s Complicated
Replies: 8
Views: 707

Re: It’s Complicated

Ray, Seth. Thanks, gents. Kind comments always appreciated. " I thought she didn't give a toss" (Ray): I think I prefer your interpretation to my own. It also makes me think I wrote something poetic. 50 lashes for me. "an especially fun and eccentric stanza...." (Seth). My favourite too... and it wa...
by nar
Wed May 13, 2015 8:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: It’s Complicated
Replies: 8
Views: 707

Re: It’s Complicated

Thanks, both. Useful crit. Much appreciated. No point in answering it all. If I've missed, then I've missed. Three nonetheless... " Is she bisexual?": Yes. " trying to cube your square of Bonnie and Clyde and Jekyll and Hyde": She is B&C, he is J&H. Four people in a two person relationship. "the fin...
by nar
Tue May 12, 2015 9:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: I Am Beneath Autumn (Part One)
Replies: 9
Views: 601

Re: I Am Beneath Autumn (Part One)

A mod may disagree, but if you're looking for crit to shine this for publication ("send this one away"), then it should be up top on Experienced. For my part, here's a a couple of nits: "gnarled-accretions, creations of the twisted Banksia trunk" - looks great, but doesn't read so well. "tingling at...
by nar
Tue May 12, 2015 8:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Listening
Replies: 6
Views: 558

Re: Listening

Agreed... this is nice.

Is this too bold a suggestion?

"or only two crickets"

- nar
by nar
Tue May 12, 2015 7:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: It’s Complicated
Replies: 8
Views: 707

It’s Complicated

she was his good bi girl he was her bi-polar bear not that belonging lasted long when they swore Bye bi again to friends they are Bonnie and Clyde and Jeckyl and Hyde “An odd foursome, don’t you think?” “I wonder who’s jealous of who?” but when all the little pieces were hoisted by flying pigs throu...
by nar
Tue Apr 21, 2015 7:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Korma Sutra
Replies: 5
Views: 501

Re: Korma Sutra

Thanks, everyone.

Just a bit of silly fun; glad it appealed to some of you.

N
by nar
Sun Apr 19, 2015 10:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Battle of the Bulge.
Replies: 13
Views: 1059

Re: Battle of the Bulge.

Mustard or Brown Sauce, Katherine? This is a smart and fun sonnet. Your rhyme and rhythm work well, and the language is cleverly chosen. It reads lightly (kinda skips along), which isn't always the case for me with this form. And... a good ending. Important, this is. I'm looking for nits, but findin...
by nar
Sun Apr 19, 2015 9:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Korma Sutra
Replies: 5
Views: 501

Korma Sutra

Vātsyāyana wrote too of curries of brown skinned onions, peeled to yield to warmed oils and the turn of his hand… of crushing then stripping slutty garlic lushness; fingers of Gauloises, yet tongue of bonne bouche… of the spike of the chilli, slicing through ginger’s Disney-eyed feints for yet one m...
by nar
Fri Apr 17, 2015 10:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7524
Views: 745719

Re: Haiku Train

I taint Howlin' Wolf
with blanc overdubbing of
London Drum'n'Bass
by nar
Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Need (Revision No.2 (and little bit))
Replies: 7
Views: 602

Re: The Need (Revised and explained)

You're welcome. In my experience, this is difficult subject matter. If you're writing it for yourself, then it needs no crit. But if it's for others to read, then I've found it very difficult to take such ideas and share them in a way that others can directly relate to. A common reference point, or ...
by nar
Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Need (Revision No.2 (and little bit))
Replies: 7
Views: 602

Re: The Need

Hi, Mark. I have an idea where you're going with this, but it gets a little confusing. If I'm honest, I think it might be all the first person references; they make something about this a little impenetrable for me as a reader. I get a few snippets of something visible and concrete, but I guess I'm ...
by nar
Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Last Battle (Revised - a bit more)
Replies: 24
Views: 983

Re: The Last Battle (Revised)

Hey, Katherine. I read the revision, and took something entirely different from the original poem. For me, the last line was alluding to the decline of that type of holiday. "They would not..." was quite final: never again. So those 3 dropped words made all the difference. I can't add much more that...
by nar
Tue Apr 14, 2015 12:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7524
Views: 745719

Re: Haiku Train

This softens leather
but man's best friend can't yet coax
rawhide into suede...