Search found 71 matches

by karalma
Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Giving (Revised)
Replies: 8
Views: 333

Re: Giving

Thanks for all the advice. I've had a go at a revision and would be glad of amy more feedback.

thanks
by karalma
Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Giving (Revised)
Replies: 8
Views: 333

Giving (Revised)

Giving (Revised) When rays of energy and strength are bestowed saplings and students grow upward in praise and reverence. Finches and followers fly toward In honour and admiration. Life and evolution are sustained until the moon takes hold. Giving (original) The sun bestows rays of energy and streng...
by karalma
Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: joy comes
Replies: 9
Views: 357

Re: joy comes

Hi Catastrotopia

I loved this - particualrly the ambiguity in the words. I wasn't sure of S4 - it didn't have a very clear image for me but loved S5.

thanks
by karalma
Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hidden Talent
Replies: 7
Views: 278

Re: Hidden Talent

thanks everyone for the suggestions. Dante yes I have posted in the order I've written but I did realise with this one that I had gone back a little to the style I had at the beginning. I think I was thinking too much of the message I wanted to convey rather than the style I was using. I am also try...
by karalma
Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Gem
Replies: 3
Views: 153

Gem

Gem

Years spent seeking, a rare
and precious gem; revealed
upon a rugged path
a myriad of colour
lies within a sliver of glass
reflected from above.
by karalma
Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Slap and dash
Replies: 12
Views: 341

Re: Slap and dash

I really enjoyed this. It reminded me of a lot of young people that I work with. I was unsure of "pen" and "ditty" to begin with but this gave me an image of somebody doing one thing but wanting to create a different image. Not sure if this is right - but then I never am.
by karalma
Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Reflections on the Inauguration
Replies: 8
Views: 311

Re: Reflections on the Inauguration

I really enjoyed this, particualrly the last line. It made me think about how ordinary historical events can be for some people and it's only years later that we might see the impact.

Thanks for sharing - this will be good to look back on.
by karalma
Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New Horizons
Replies: 7
Views: 273

Re: New Horizons

Thanks to everyone for the great advice.

Basnik I liked your rewrite - thanks for taking the time.
David wrote:. It's something people seem to do a lot, when they're starting out in poetry - I hope you don't mind me saying that -
David
David I don't mind at all - all advice is greatfullly received.

cheers
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hidden Talent
Replies: 7
Views: 278

Hidden Talent

Hidden Talent A company was hit by recession with a chance to win a contract the client wanted an ad about Mars and didn’t care what cost. The chief exec gathered the company and told them they needed to win he asked if anybody knew their way around the stars. A cleaner by day, an astronomer by nigh...
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The note left by a cloud
Replies: 5
Views: 198

Re: The note left by a cloud

I liked the overall feel of this. I love the way you say so much in a few lines. "Bald" didn't seem quite right to me but not sure why. "You'd munch through a humdrum breakfast" also seemed out of place but maybe I'm missing something. Thanks for sharing. My aim is to try and tighten up what I say a...
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Eddie C (Revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 399

Re: Eddie C

This really pulled me along with it. I enjoyed the first 3 S as i built up a picture of a loveable character. S4 & 5 then made me feel uncomfortable as it was clear that what appeared as gentle teasing meant a lot more to Eddie and I felt I'd been part of the teasing. Very well written.
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Poppies
Replies: 18
Views: 521

Re: Fate and destiny

I really enjoyed this Suzanne. I liked the idea of climbing into a space where dreams are held and definately wanted to come with you. I can see how some added imagery might enhance this piece but I enjoyed using my imagination and picturing the place for myself.

cheers
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Image
Replies: 4
Views: 179

Re: Image

It took me a few reads before I could understand any of this but when i did I like the image it created. I think it was the first line that put me off to begin with but once I got past that I really enjoyed.
by karalma
Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New Horizons
Replies: 7
Views: 273

Re: New Horizons

thanks for the replies - very useful as always. Karalma I get the impression that the lines were constructed individually, which might not be the case, but they do seem a little choppy here and there in respect of the transition from one to another. Danté I hadn't realised I'd done this but when I t...
by karalma
Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fishers of Men {edited again}
Replies: 12
Views: 389

Re: Fishers of Men {edited again}

Just to say I loved this Ben. For me it had realism and compassion. One of my favourites that I've read on here. Thanks for sharing and working so hard on it - it was worth it.

cheers
by karalma
Sun Jan 18, 2009 1:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Captivity (Revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 188

Re: Captivity (Revised)

Thanks for the advice. I've tried revising it. Hope it's an improvement.
by karalma
Sun Jan 18, 2009 1:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Because no
Replies: 2
Views: 131

Re: Because no

Hi Leigh

I liked this as I thought it flowed well. However the flow seemed to stop with the last words. I thought something like "you didn't even know" flowed better but maybe the idea was to stop the flow??
by karalma
Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New Horizons
Replies: 7
Views: 273

New Horizons

New Horizons Nerves jangled as rails Ricocheted away to a new life far away A decision reached, now reconsidered Crackling commuters fuelled fear Mind painted an horizon of surly strangers Dreams of comfort and security inside a little box. Soothed by gentle swaying Bare trees and sheep slipped by A...
by karalma
Sat Jan 17, 2009 9:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Captivity (Revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 188

Captivity (Revised)

Captivity (Revised) A wild, white stallion reared in protest spirit and vitality whistling like wind as he challenged captivity. Incarcerated he continued to fight strength and stamina shone beneath his beating coat magnificence and majesty still reigned. As months passed and nightmares of prowling ...
by karalma
Sat Jan 17, 2009 9:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sundarban Tanka
Replies: 5
Views: 200

Re: Sundarban Tanka

Hi

I loved the first four lines. The imagery made me think of a relaxing, exotic holiday. However, I didn't really udnerstand the last line - it changed the feel somehow. Really enjoyed though. thanks
by karalma
Sat Jan 17, 2009 9:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: She Knew What She Wanted
Replies: 8
Views: 288

Re: She Knew What She Wanted

Hi Cat

This did make me laugh. I thought it was cleverly written and there was a surprise at the end. However, it also made me shudder a litlle. I think it was the mixture of desire, dad and young girl that gave it a little bit of a sinister feel. Maybe this was intended?
by karalma
Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Cell of Peace
Replies: 2
Views: 127

Cell of Peace

Cell of Peace I awake to shouts and calls I remember today’s anniversary. But with this birthday comes horror As I look around, forlorn. Bare walls, a sink and a toilet Are all that are in view today I close my eyes and try to remember How I came to be here this day. I remember songs, drinks and foo...
by karalma
Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shit shoes
Replies: 5
Views: 214

Re: Shit shoes

I thought this was great but was unsure of the last line. Although I liked it it didn't quite seem to fit with the rest. I think it was because as others have said it needed something to finish it.
by karalma
Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Quirks- edit
Replies: 10
Views: 362

Re: Quirks

I really enjoyed this Suzanne. For me it had sadness, determination and hope. Great ingredients in my mind.
by karalma
Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Leisure
Replies: 6
Views: 197

Re: Leisure

I enjoyed this. It had a great feeling of comfort.