corrr..I really like your word use, i dunno after the last screaming..i sorta got overloaded with images and perhaps because of that
maybe there could be two writes here?..of course, it is all so very subjective isn't it?
Thoroughly enjoyed this. So many good lines..in the wrong country with the wrong husband.. I agree some of the emotions are a little mixed up but at the same time..I guess they would be Didn't deter from the reading though..
Hello Joy Two Moons :) Thanks for that considered reply..National Geographical it may be but it was my NG..total fantasy and yeah I guess I did go on a bit.. :lol: I like the two verses you have chosen and agree the other stuff was just surplus, but god I how enjoyed writing it.. again thanks mes x
hello :) This caught me, you have captured the moment well..I thought the end line was good, you gave him two eyes in the last stanza though!..dunno what you are going to do there as saying 'his eye ignites' well that doesnt seem quite right does it?.. A strong read, one that I came back to a few ti...
I have read this a few times now and belive you have something rather special going on.
As said the first two stanzas are great, I got lost on the last two (cept for the grass line) ..but I am sure you will sort this out and look forward to reading again!
hello :) I had great fun reading your lines. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remember my grandad using a big garden sieve to break up soil and calling it a riddle! Now I may have got the word wrong, but it gave extra meaning to your perforated line! I think Suz has got it right with her take on y...
I dunno if torture is the right word to use here firefly?.I know where you are coming from but I think it will throw the reader off track?..mind you having gone through all that nonsense perhaps torture is the right word
This has recieved comprehensive crit and I really enjoy reading a poem followed by all the different opinions!
unafraid of new lights hung on a hewn post..lovely.
so many good lines within.
I thought it glorious
Very much enjoyed the imagery and the word restraint works well for me..but..if you expand you will have to be careful not to give too much away..(it was about work? Coughs, how dreary)
Some nice lines within and as Dante has given quite a comprehensive crit, I cannot think of anymore to say except I think your idea on this is a good one and would love to see it revised..
With nothing left to say we turn to private space, not much inbetween except a soiled heaviness. Sadness pulls shoulders, lights memories as loves dies. In a new day's tear full of emotion, bitten nails sting. The mind jumps never quite landing. Corners don't meet and angles appear skewed. The shape...
Powerful imagery, Aru has tightened your lines somewhat, maybe you can do a little tweaking of your words?.the use of the word awareness three times is a bit of a mouthful in so few lines.
late in but wanted to add my h'penny worth! It has a certain something about it..Aru beat me to saying which was my one of my favourite lines, nice one sir