Search found 4404 matches

by brianedwards
Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:42 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: For refugees
Replies: 3
Views: 1494

Re: For refugees

I confess I hadn't noticed that Ray, good spot. I suspect The Guardian (I always do) probably imposed self-censorship on the writer. Whatever the reason, all are guilty.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Sep 16, 2015 11:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Jeremy Corbyn
Replies: 9
Views: 910

Re: Jeremy Corbyn

Bravo.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:09 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: For refugees
Replies: 3
Views: 1494

For refugees

Nice sentiment, shame about the poetry... was my reaction. Wonder what others think.

Poems for refugees

B.

(Sorry not been around. Long summer holiday. Lazy B)
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blind Boy
Replies: 5
Views: 785

Re: Blind Boy

I like the maps line, but aside from that I'm at a loss. The voice is all over the place and I find the tone to be slightly insulting. Little as a description of a mouse is either deliberately condescending or just plain bad.

It appears I'm in the minority though...

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: There must be a hundred
Replies: 15
Views: 1341

Re: There must be a hundred

David wrote:And defeating is better than defying.
Agree 100%.
Macavity wrote:ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?
Not required. I believe the consensus is "acceptable but unwieldy".
Punctuation is often ugly.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Night of the Fireflies
Replies: 10
Views: 1289

Re: The Night of the Fireflies

JJWilliamson wrote:Is it possible to write a half sestina?

J
Yes. A tritina.

Kudos Suzanne. The first one is always the toughest, but think of it as poetic Pilates. The effort has done you more good than bad. Haters always gonna hate so just ignore their ignorance. Onwards.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nursing Intervention
Replies: 12
Views: 767

Re: Nursing Intervention

I find it a bit too dum-di-dum personally, but that's a taste thing and besides, it's done so skilfully I can't help but admire. The first 8 lines at least that is, like David says the rhythm is lost towards the end. My problem with this kind of poem, where the meter is so loud, is that I come away ...
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One of Six Meanings of Love
Replies: 8
Views: 838

Re: One of Six Meanings of Love

Not so much. But thanks Ray. I appreciate it.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One of Six Meanings of Love
Replies: 8
Views: 838

Re: One of Six Meanings of Love

ray miller wrote:Very good. One of your best, I think
Ouch.

Cheers Ray.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 10:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 1709

Re: The art of packing for a trip

Tweaked this one too, taking on board suggestions from David, Ray and Suzanne. Thanks all.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Just tried another tweak to last stanza. Closer I think. Thinking on smile. Maybe something that implies guilt? Thinking.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ladyfingers- edit
Replies: 12
Views: 1319

Re: Ladyfingers- edit

Suzanne, I'm immediately put off by the first line. It just has a cheesy pop lyric feel to it and I have to work hard right from the start to engage. Then the sequence of actions seems all wrong. Shouldn't it be wrapped first, then labelled, then tied with a bow and propped? This may sound picky, bu...
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Just tried it again. Nope. I honestly prefer it without.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Suzanne wrote:Well, i will be so bold as to say that it sounds too poetic and contrived without "it". Feels forced.
Well, now there's no way I'm putting it back in because that's just plain silly talk!

The other notes are useful. That last stanza is problematic I agree. Thinking . . .

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Thank you Suzanne. I can't make my mind up about "to". I originally had it in, then cut it, put it back, cut it again.
Glad it's reading better on the whole.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 10, 2015 6:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Thanks all. Revision posted. I'll recycle that Africa line in a comp poem, hopefully.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 09, 2015 10:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 1161

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

Thank you Steve. With respect, I might suggest you have a lot of reading to do if your archive of "great poems" includes any of mine.

The encouragement is appreciated, of course (and the note on heather ;) )

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Re: Ecdysis

Thanks guys. This one has been sitting in the journal for god knows how long, but today it was that Africa line that caught my attention, because thinking about the "Maps" competition. To be honest, because it was drafted so long ago I'm now unsure about my thinking on lots of these lines. I do like...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 09, 2015 7:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ecdysis
Replies: 13
Views: 874

Ecdysis

Ecdysis You should teach the world the art of treating that old nemesis depression, like any other bug squashed underfoot until it spits the olive pit of a mind's rot. You've taken that pained smile, that lengthwise wedge of lemon peel and sucked its pith. Washed it down with bowls of raw fish and ...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 09, 2015 3:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Spinning Chester; He Spins Stronger
Replies: 8
Views: 729

Re: Spinning Chester; He Spins Stronger

I am a scion of the Scientist, I bless the chanting scepter's hiss, his groove the gift of many magi's mood. Quite like the sound of that stretch, though no idea what it means. I'm with Ray really, feeling pretty perplexed on the whole. Out of interest, are you of Jamaican heritage? B.
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 6:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One of Six Meanings of Love
Replies: 8
Views: 838

Re: One of Six Meanings of Love

Yeah. Gone.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 2:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One of Six Meanings of Love
Replies: 8
Views: 838

Re: One of Six Meanings of Love

Reworking/ combination of an old one, some new ideas and experiences. Just noting in case any of you recognise any lines.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 2:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One of Six Meanings of Love
Replies: 8
Views: 838

One of Six Meanings of Love

One of Six Meanings of Love Love once made of me a moon, locked in orbit with a shoulder turning. Looked through like a window, not a telescope, I added minutes to her days. And when it died we carried on anyway, each gouging and gorging until a kind of sick game commenced, a contest to see who cou...