Search found 5806 matches

by ray miller
Tue Oct 22, 2019 9:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Apple Tree
Replies: 5
Views: 82

Re: The Apple Tree

Enjoyed it very much. I can't really imagine how a tree might stand with its back turned. I'll take your word for it. 2nd stanza's terrific. Poison cabinet green is an actual colour? since Easter, hoarded just for this - I'd suggest reversing that order. I'd be tempted to end at the resurrection of ...
by ray miller
Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Couple of Shorts
Replies: 1
Views: 33

Re: A Couple of Shorts

I like the first one, second one does nothing for me.
The world is now flat,
but this is not ignorance: - this line seems to need something else, from ignorance, our ignorance?
by ray miller
Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Untitled
Replies: 3
Views: 53

Re: Untitled

Firstly, poems called Untitled should not be allowed. Finish the poem. Secondly, I like it, but I'd be rid of time, fate, habit and just use "the slow assault of familiarity." Thirdly, it may be just my dirty mind, but I think the final sentence should be " Love must end while it is still hard for i...
by ray miller
Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To Be Hunted by Her (V2)
Replies: 9
Views: 115

Re: To Be Hunted by Her (V2)

Prefer the original. Especially, I don't like the explanatory preface, but that goes for all explanatory prefaces. I think nice is preferable to precise, partly because it's rarely used in that sense.
by ray miller
Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tyrone n Jessica
Replies: 0
Views: 4

Tyrone n Jessica

Yow’ve alwys bin a boster, bab, n I’m so chuffed that yower mi wench, if I ad fancy words ter brag I’d tell yow just ow much yow’ve meant. I cor bai summat that I baint and since you aks, I tell yow straight, I ay bin shaggin Sharon Blake. Dunt be gettin all a lather, yo ay a thing to werry bout. A ...
by ray miller
Fri Oct 18, 2019 8:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Day Without Shadows
Replies: 21
Views: 390

Re: A Day Without Shadows

I think it's pretty good now, the only point that jars for me is "screaming". I can see why you'd use it but I'd prefer it without, takes you out of the narrative awhile.
by ray miller
Fri Oct 18, 2019 8:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Livestock
Replies: 11
Views: 252

Re: Livestock

Thanks, JJ and Not. I tried it in the form of a long question and it caused more problems than it solved. The land will be overrun because the fences have come down and they've left Turkey. Maybe our pets would demand emancipation but I wanted to write a poem with 8 couplets, not a short story. Repa...
by ray miller
Fri Oct 18, 2019 8:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To Be Hunted by Her (V2)
Replies: 9
Views: 115

Re: To Be Hunted by Her

Enjoyed. Lovely sonics, though I think the end would sound better like so -
of her Neck - the necessary
Jab so precise - No
bird was ever so Nice

when she roars - Does a jay roar? I wouldn't know, but I assume it soars.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:24 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Runcible Spoon
Replies: 7
Views: 214

Re: Runcible Spoon

Thanks all. 1660's, based on a book by Daniel Defoe.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Livestock
Replies: 11
Views: 252

Re: Livestock

Thanks for the comments. I can't make up my mind between keep a lid on and moderate. Great idea, Jules, the finer details of the Animal State. Another poem, maybe.
by ray miller
Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rapture (was In the Air & was Springing) (rev 3)
Replies: 20
Views: 360

Re: In the Air ( was Springing) (revision)

All around the shrubs and plants demand - demanding? the gardener’s touch, the thrust of skilful hands - handling? Improves the rhymes and rhythm, I think. to turn the soil and mow the vibrant grass. And wilful skies are no longer overcast. - There's one "And" you could be rid of. I prefer the origi...
by ray miller
Fri Oct 11, 2019 8:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Livestock
Replies: 11
Views: 252

Re: Livestock

Thanks, David, Tristan. You're right about the heat, I've changed it. Put a comma after churches. they’re entitled to be free. Thus will run the argument of those determined to atone Those determined to atone make the case for their freedom. Originally I had a comma after "free", would that help?
by ray miller
Thu Oct 10, 2019 4:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Livestock
Replies: 11
Views: 252

Livestock

If we must change our dining habits to moderate the heat what will become of animals when we stop eating meat? We shall drive them to a foreign land, let them call it Turkey. They’ll write a Bible for themselves, build churches, and the clergy will cite mankind as their Satan, pointing with some rea...
by ray miller
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flamboyant
Replies: 8
Views: 268

Re: Flamboyant

I googled, so I think I understand how the tree befriends, but not the perfect stranger stuff.
by ray miller
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:10 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Culture Matters
Replies: 4
Views: 148

Re: Culture Matters

Thanks all.
by ray miller
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Day Without Shadows
Replies: 21
Views: 390

Re: A Day Without Shadows

You've not changed a great deal, yet it's clearer to me too. I don't think the grandmother/ grandson lines are helping and they don't seem all that significant. Even my mother makes no noise running as if her legs are broken, screaming into the silence of our neighbour and the unremarkable day. - Do...
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:41 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Runcible Spoon
Replies: 7
Views: 214

Runcible Spoon

https://www.runciblespoon.co.uk/his-works/4594712149
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:39 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Ink Sweat & Tears NPD Feature
Replies: 9
Views: 324

Re: Ink Sweat & Tears NPD Feature

Well done, Tristan.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:36 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Nine Muses Poetry
Replies: 7
Views: 353

Re: Nine Muses Poetry

Well done, mac. If only I could follow the link. Geoff explained to me in detail how it's done but I still can't master it.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 3:33 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Obsessed With Pipework x2
Replies: 9
Views: 254

Re: Obsessed With Pipework x2

Well done, Tristan.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rapture (was In the Air & was Springing) (rev 3)
Replies: 20
Views: 360

Re: Springing

Nicely done. That " and how" in the 4th line looks too much like padding. "aching grass" - I'm not a gardener so I'd take your word for it. Seems unlikely though. Aching for what?
And thirsty skies are no longer overcast. - Don't think "And" is necessary. I don't think thirsty skies works.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Girardus Cambrensis
Replies: 7
Views: 277

Re: Girardus Cambrensis

I know little about Hopkins apart from sprung rhythm and I can't even remember what that is exactly. I wouldn't be surprised if you've employed it in this poem, though.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Trying To Be A Good Ancestor
Replies: 9
Views: 288

Re: Trying To Be A Good Ancestor

Thanks all. I've made some changes in the light of the comments. Perry - there are huge forest fires in Portugal which worsen every summer. Where my daughter lives the fires are in the mountains. Maybe forests would be better than mountains. I'm using Vegan as a noun, like Vegetarian. I don't have a...
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Burglary of the Logarithmic Spiral (edit)
Replies: 10
Views: 284

Re: Burglary of the Logarithmic Spiral

He's narrow-minded because he's unwilling to empathise with the opinions and feelings of others, nor is he willing to see past his own avaricious desires.

Sounds more like self-centred than narrow-minded.
by ray miller
Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Day Without Shadows
Replies: 21
Views: 390

Re: A Day Without Shadows

I was with it for 3 stanzas then I felt it became very difficult to follow the tracks and I suppose I get irritated by this kind of thing - Or, perhaps there is no sound because I made none. Too self-conscious by half. I like the face as frying pan passage. Skited - as in boasted?