Search found 5627 matches

by ray miller
Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Geezer near Grasmere
Replies: 3
Views: 43

Re: Geezer near Grasmere

Nice one. I can see you emerging as the Mike Reid of the contemporary poetry scene. Go on, my son!
by ray miller
Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Intervention’s Ravine (Was: The Ravine)
Replies: 2
Views: 56

Re: The Ravine

I watched the programme too. Nicely put. I'd reconsider "local ecologists", since they aren't local. You might squeeze voyeuristic and film crew in there somewhere.
by ray miller
Tue Nov 20, 2018 8:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Man Out Of Time
Replies: 9
Views: 87

Man Out Of Time

Here’s where I get it, stood in the playground next to parents who attended school with my eldest, or when her new teacher enquires if I’m her granddad. Here’s where I get it, taking the youngest to the pictures, bumping into a colleague I’d not seen for ages, who assumes I’ve embarked on a second m...
by ray miller
Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On the Green List
Replies: 2
Views: 71

Re: On the Green List

First two couplets are great.
Got no fear, not lacking bottle - same thing, though, ennit?
end result it's gone and done 'em, - not sure about "end result", doesn't quite make sense to me.

"some as" probably would be better in the final line
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: High Priestess (version 1)
Replies: 9
Views: 122

Re: High Priestess

Very nice, I loved the ending, receiving the wisdom.

at the stout foot of the oak - I can't really explain why but foot of an oak strikes me as wrong. I imagine a tree with feet. Perhaps that's fine!
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: At no. 4 Mantle View, the Kitchen looks onto the Road (title change) revision
Replies: 15
Views: 211

Re: At no. 4 Mantle View, the Kitchen looks onto the Road (title change) revision

I read the explanation of the ending, but even now I don't see that reflected in the poem. The last 4 lines aren't making things clear enough. First two stanzas I enjoyed, not sure you need a comma between beech and gingering.
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Romantic Break (Revision)
Replies: 33
Views: 516

Re: Romantic Break (Revision)

Personally, I think it would be funnier, and perhaps truer to the life of a poet's wife, to have

And then, he sees a cow
at the kitchen window.
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Losing Dad
Replies: 15
Views: 224

Re: Losing Dad

Thanks to everyone for the very kind comments. I'm off to the bookies to check the odds on the next Poet Laureate.
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Collecting Dust
Replies: 13
Views: 175

Re: Collecting Dust

My twopennorth, lose the punctuation and the last 3 words.

Nothing said will change
a mind fixed as a butterfly

pinned beneath glass locked
against all circumstance

with an antique key of brass
too easily misplaced.
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts from a Beer Garden near St Leonard's Church (Revision 2)
Replies: 20
Views: 298

Re: Thoughts from a Beer Garden near St Leonard's Church (Revision 1)

I tapped my feet, recalled the craze of youthful raves Sounds better, except that it gives the impression that youthful raves are no longer indulged in. The clown in me, at times, delays the sound of rock and raucous cheer. I think clown is the wrong word. I wonder, after the fly, whether something ...
by ray miller
Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Feeling Dangerous
Replies: 12
Views: 216

Re: Feeling Dangerous

Much like Moth, I thought it started off pretty well but petered away. Church bells are carolling, it sounds hypnotic. - nice line. Like a jingle, only better, almost healing. - jingle is odd, they're generally regarded as cheap and nasty I want to sing along but have no lyric. No words to ornament ...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 16, 2018 12:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Silver Hare (after Cowper) [formerly Wild and Silver Hair]
Replies: 7
Views: 148

Re: Wild and Silver Hair (after Cowper)

Very nice. The metre goes awry in a few places. Love the ending. My mother's wild and silver hair Never so long in thirty years I stalk around with compact zoom And brush away her photographic fears - erasing photographic fears? My project, I explain with charm I make it out as art She smiles and tu...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 16, 2018 12:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Romantic Break (Revision)
Replies: 33
Views: 516

Re: Weekend Break (revision of poem formally known as Holiday Romance)

I like this. Been there. I don't think you need to repeat "pots to wash", "there's food to cook/and dirty floors", for instance. I'm not sure whether the woman is saying that she sees a cow, also, or means to say "he sees a cow.....". Just like at home, there's food to cook and pots to wash. We have...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 16, 2018 11:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Losing Dad
Replies: 15
Views: 224

Re: Losing Dad

Thanks for the comments. Tristan - I originally had well-thumbed, instead of stained. Better? A friend of my father's worked for Timeform, who publish the Racehorses annuals. The quote was from him in about 1970. In the 80s, 90s his forecast may have been correct. Having checked ebay and Amazon, the...
by ray miller
Fri Nov 16, 2018 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Griffon Vulture: Randazzo Museum of Natural Sciences (revision)
Replies: 8
Views: 157

Re: Griffon Vulture: Randazzo Museum of Natural Sciences

I like it very much, but I don't get the ending. "Not quite, I say" But I can't work out, not quite what.
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 7:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An interview with a Cigarette (revision 6)
Replies: 33
Views: 687

Re: An interview with a cigarette (revision 4)

I like this very much. If it were mine I'd call it Filter Tips. Or I recall when you would called me - typo there, and here and you continued to smoked You think you found within me a malignant need to be liked. I wonder if you need malignant. Its absence would draw more attention to me , emphasise ...
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:58 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Do ezines filter out poems posted on forums.
Replies: 16
Views: 515

Re: Do ezines filter out poems posted on forums.

[ JJ, On at least one occasion I've submitted, and had accepted, a poem to Y magazine, forgetting that 2 years ago it was published in Z magazine. And I wonder, what's the worst that can happen? Just wondering - didn't you have to sign a contract? It was me said that, not JJ. No, there isn't any si...
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Proper Job (final revision)
Replies: 26
Views: 292

Re: A Proper Job

It has been said when on the money, - I can't make any sense of that line, and that mars an interesting poem.
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Surrender of La Légion Noire 1797 (revision 3)
Replies: 31
Views: 590

Re: The Surrender of La Légion Noire 1797 (revision 3)

Took me a while to work out WIP was work in progress! I much prefer revision 2. There's a natural thread from 4th to 5th line that's missing in the latest revision. This dying light creates a theatre of ghosts over the waves of ifs - I think above is better than over, sonically and rhythmically. and...
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Surrender of La Légion Noire 1797 (revision 3)
Replies: 31
Views: 590

Re: The Surrender of La Légion Noire 1797 (revision 3)

Haven't you written a poem on this subject before? Or is it the same poem? Love the pitchfork line.
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Spots
Replies: 14
Views: 372

Re: Spots

Thanks, JJ. What I'm going for, rhythmically, is 4 lines of 10 syllables and 2 lines of 6 syllables in each stanza. I probably nicked the idea off somebody else's poem.
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Losing Dad
Replies: 15
Views: 224

Losing Dad

The only book he possessed, stained and frayed,
a Racehorses annual bought for The Flat.
One day this’ll fetch ten times what I paid!
By then it had cost us much more than that.
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: May Miller
Replies: 27
Views: 351

Re: May Miller

Now that's what I call a good ending. It's pithy and undemonstrative and still manages to be poignant. When my grandmother was dying at age eighty-five, she pleaded for one more year. What was it she wanted? More time to watch TV? To sit on the couch and read? I understood. - I think your suggested ...
by ray miller
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts from a Beer Garden near St Leonard's Church (Revision 2)
Replies: 20
Views: 298

Re: Thoughts from a Beer Garden near St Leonard's Church (revisited)

Enjoyed it a lot. Some reservations. Not sure we need to know you are near a church in the title. I wonder also if the poem might be better in the present tense. A church bell chimed to wasted days and stunned the fly inside my beer, then Jimi screamed out Purple Haze. - I'd use Hendrix rather than ...