Search found 5687 matches

by ray miller
Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Hypochondriac
Replies: 6
Views: 66

Re: The Hypochondriac

Like the opening 2 lines. Chasing seems at variance with being on watch.
a steely palm cups my heart. - cups seems very tame, something like grips or presses, unless you're making the point that N'S actual discomfort is minimal.
by ray miller
Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Origins
Replies: 6
Views: 71

Re: Origins

Very good. I like where father is coming from. You need to capitalise Haribo, I suppose. Probably loves not loved. A semicolon and a line space after "hurt her" seems a bit over the top. Maybe desire instead of need.
by ray miller
Fri Mar 22, 2019 8:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The irony in the room
Replies: 13
Views: 179

Re: The irony in the room

I see that paper, ivory and icebergs are vanishing for various reasons but not sure why that makes paper the message of our time.
by ray miller
Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 10
Views: 169

Re: Grooming

Thanks for the comments. I wrote the original for this about 5 years ago and I've always thought it one of my best poems. I sent it off to a magazine a few weeks back and it was rejected. I was surprised, so I've tried improvements here and there. Not - there have been several endings. Believe me, t...
by ray miller
Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Milia (revision)
Replies: 10
Views: 146

Re: Milia (revision)

So Lankester is your family name? I miss the archipelagos of ancestry. It should be the name of a prog-rock band.
by ray miller
Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Gleneedle Road
Replies: 14
Views: 178

Re: On Gleneedle Road

I read it as a snapshot of how the rich will retreat into gated communities to protect themselves from the ravages of climate change. I always will.
by ray miller
Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My Big Patriarchal Poem (was O Rose) V8
Replies: 29
Views: 561

Re: For a Rose (V6)

Well, I've followed this thread. At times I thought you were addressing female genitalia, other times the subject seemed to be England. Maybe it's all just about roses, after all. So the problem I have with this is that there is no common theme discernible to me and the more it expands the worse tha...
by ray miller
Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sensible Selfishness
Replies: 7
Views: 113

Re: Sensible Selfishness

Taking up your friend's suggestion, something like this That there is suffering in the world must mean that I shall suffer too. Does that mean I should spend my life in spasms of despair? Does that mean I shouldn’t care, or that I shouldn’t take the time to state my views, dispatch a note, or stand ...
by ray miller
Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sensible Selfishness
Replies: 7
Views: 113

Re: Sensible Selfishness

I like the 2nd verse, the last couple of lines are very fine, I think. But I can't agree with the opening lines of the poem. That there is suffering in the world must mean that I shall suffer too, Perhaps if you start with that premise, then begin the qualifications. It behooves me to remember too: ...
by ray miller
Mon Mar 18, 2019 4:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Milia (revision)
Replies: 10
Views: 146

Re: Milia

Are they hereditary? I had a quick google and didn't find that. I did note some advice about not squeezing them. Mother, be warned. I like the penultimate line and thought you could have ended there. The final line seems to be shouting from the rooftops. I've not come across Pure Francis before. Is ...
by ray miller
Mon Mar 18, 2019 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 10
Views: 169

Grooming

Hope and distaste, a nauseous mixture of feelings I struggled to keep hidden from Sharon, when she showed me your picture in that month’s edition of Be My Parent, sharing a page with three other children in an online mag that raised my awareness of how they were marketing your future. Seeking accept...
by ray miller
Tue Mar 05, 2019 10:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fragments (Was: Wharram Percy) V3
Replies: 24
Views: 487

Re: Wharram Percy

I wondered about the long 2nd line too. I'm not familiar with Hockney's painting and I got the impression from mac's remarks that the painting was central to the poem, whereas I'd thought it was incidental, I suppose. Shouldn't it be Hockneyesque? five crooked hawthorns, their boughs twisting where ...
by ray miller
Tue Mar 05, 2019 10:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Long-Running Dispute
Replies: 10
Views: 259

Re: A Prolonged Stoppage

Thanks for the comments. I figured altering the title might be the easiest tactic, rather than a change in formation or moving the goalposts. Jules - I love the interpretation and I see what you mean about cure looking for a disease, you've almost written a critique looking for a poem. The hero is a...
by ray miller
Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:26 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Allegro (1)
Replies: 6
Views: 138

Re: Allegro (1)

Well done, mac, I don't recall seeing that poem on PG.
by ray miller
Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:23 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: The Poetry Shed
Replies: 12
Views: 291

Re: The Poetry Shed

Well done, Tristan. I was supposed to have a poem appear in Poetry Shed on such and such a date last November, but it never did appear. I've wondered since whether I've committed some transgression or she just forgot!
by ray miller
Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:19 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Congrats David & Ray!
Replies: 8
Views: 118

Re: Congrats David & Ray!

Thanks all and well done, David, Tristan.
by ray miller
Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Long-Running Dispute
Replies: 10
Views: 259

Re: The Lone Striker

Thanks, David, Tristan. Some time in my life I thought I'd come across the case of a fellow who continued a one-man strike long after his workmates had returned to work, possibly even after the factory involved had closed down. I thought it had happened in the '80s but now I'm beginning to wonder if...
by ray miller
Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:11 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shoemaker (revised)
Replies: 16
Views: 313

Re: Shoemaker

Can't see why your father being a laureate makes it any harder for a 2nd child. Perhaps you know something I don't. Live for your craft, not art, he'd say. And so he didn't try, - I don't follow that logic, either. That got respect from kids, ended bullying - could be more clearly expressed, my firs...
by ray miller
Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Long-Running Dispute
Replies: 10
Views: 259

A Long-Running Dispute

The final whistle is blown, but the lone striker hasn’t lost sight of the goal, though the braziers are cold, the brassieres are empty and the enemy within has long since transferred her fidelity to a teammate who works the channels and is media-savvy, while he has only a placard to carry. On Saturd...
by ray miller
Fri Mar 01, 2019 6:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Old Hag (v2)
Replies: 18
Views: 395

Re: The Old Hag

Enjoyed this. I got most of the patois and the old woman as scapegoat rings true enough. Should the 2nd and 3rd lines be swapping places? ahwe tradition - ahwe is our? all those -ion endings are a bit monotonous. Turn yu blind eye pon ingannation, - ingannation is a puzzle. English nation, immigrati...
by ray miller
Fri Mar 01, 2019 5:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Last of the Clipston Baptists
Replies: 13
Views: 365

Re: The Last of the Clipston Baptists

That's a drastic revision, root and branch, as they say. Maybe the opening two and a half lines should stay, something about her preparations anyway.
by ray miller
Fri Mar 01, 2019 1:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Toads, Toads, Toads V4 (formerly Toad Will See You Now )
Replies: 12
Views: 428

Re: Toad Will See You Now V3

When I suggested rhyme I didn't exactly have cunts and fronts in mind. Anyway, what about "Recycling"?
by ray miller
Fri Mar 01, 2019 1:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Death in the Time of Brexit - renegotiated
Replies: 9
Views: 523

Re: Death in the Time of Brexit - renegotiated

Thankyou, Not. I've made some changes in the light of your suggestions. I like the title, though.
by ray miller
Thu Feb 28, 2019 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Toads, Toads, Toads V4 (formerly Toad Will See You Now )
Replies: 12
Views: 428

Re: Toads of Toad Hall (revision)

I like this, could do with a more imaginative title, perhaps, and maybe the odd rhyme.

Larkin posited the toad as work
Grahame, our blithe be-tweeded ruling classes
Today they are simply wheelie bins
Toad-squattingly smug behind their lids
Flat bang before our houses

Or summat like that
by ray miller
Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Last of the Clipston Baptists
Replies: 13
Views: 365

Re: The last of the Clipston Methodists

I'd have thought "last" in the title ought to be "Last". semicolon after acre? the deads’ seasonal attempts - I don't know whether "deads'" is technically correct. I don't care for it and is "seasonal" necessary? "the attempts of the dead" would do me. Catharsis in its purest form - seems a grandios...