Search found 598 matches

by TDF
Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Equinox
Replies: 21
Views: 1567

Re: Equinox

Hi Marc, I really like the simplicity of the language here, and the minimal structure. It's a fresh little poem, which reflects the content well methinks. I also like the slight slip of balance phrase. The idea that there is some imperceptible shift in the balances of forces that triggers spring is ...
by TDF
Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Imperial War Museum
Replies: 16
Views: 1495

Re: Imperial War Museum

Cheers for positives tf.

'very British', I like that old chap what what?

And the Freud reference was not sposed to be overly clever really, more just a 'men have little penises so make big guns to compensate' jibe...

Tom
by TDF
Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tödlich
Replies: 15
Views: 1276

Re: Tödlich

I think masquerading as someone and talking as if you know personally about something horrendous is an unproductive and belittling fallacy imho. Hello Tom. Doesn't the above proposition render an awful lot null and void?To give just one example, any representation of Christ in art or literature.I t...
by TDF
Thu Mar 24, 2011 8:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tödlich
Replies: 15
Views: 1276

Re: Tödlich

folk are far too precious about what we might write about and the correct perspectives to adopt. Essentially you are correct, people should be free to write about what they want how they want, I don't have to read it after all! But, there are some subjects that I think people cannot do any respectf...
by TDF
Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Imperial War Museum
Replies: 16
Views: 1495

Re: Imperial War Museum

So I think it's best I write about guns Go on then, Tom. The first three stanzas are just throat-clearing, as you say, but I think that last one would be a very good starting point. Start there. This poem needs to be written. (I have never been to the Imperial War Museum. Worth a visit?) Cheers Dav...
by TDF
Wed Mar 23, 2011 2:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: East Texas, 1963
Replies: 20
Views: 1404

Re: East Texas, 1963

I went with this one and Tom (TDF) thinks I should have had more sense than to write what he calls a "snuff" poem ... no, on balance, I think I would have gone with it, anyway. I was just not ready to push it to where it was logically heading: two or three more stanzas and you'd have had a murder, ...
by TDF
Tue Mar 22, 2011 1:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: East Texas, 1963
Replies: 20
Views: 1404

Re: East Texas, 1963

Hi d, Not for me this one. It doesn't say anything to me, it's just gratuitous nastiness. Now I know a poem doesn't have to have a meaning, it doesn't have to say anything, but I think with subject matter like this it does. I didn't see the pre-edit version, so perhaps I would agree with Suzanne if ...
by TDF
Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: throbbing Saturday
Replies: 8
Views: 863

Re: throbbing Saturday

Welcome to the forum, but also:

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=2605

TDF
by TDF
Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tödlich
Replies: 15
Views: 1276

Re: Tödlich

wow tf a little essay there... ;) Your meanings/justifications/mindmaps etc are all well and good, but I think it reveals this poem is trying too many things...? All the clever word play and double meaning was lost on me, due to the emotive nature of the subject. Your strongest theme didn't ring thr...
by TDF
Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Tödlich
Replies: 15
Views: 1276

Re: Tödlich

Hi tf, This is a tricky one imo. personally I don't think this is a subject you can write about in the first person, it's like war in that respect. It is such an individual and powerful experience that I think any attempt to sympathise from a first person perspective is a fallacy, and no matter how ...
by TDF
Sat Mar 19, 2011 2:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Friendship Deferred [Redraft]
Replies: 6
Views: 720

Re: A Friendship Deferred [Redraft]

I like the improvements, more punchy for sure. I do think S4 still rambles off in the second half though. "when your posh shoes are slippers once more, seek me from my hiding place" I love these 3 lines, and think the poem could end with one more line after that, rather than 7. What that last line s...
by TDF
Sat Mar 19, 2011 2:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7614
Views: 975346

Re: Haiku Train

watermelon pink
staining white lined trousers
holiday tattoos
by TDF
Sat Mar 19, 2011 12:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Imperial War Museum
Replies: 16
Views: 1495

Re: Imperial War Museum

Hi Steve,

Cheers for feedback. This was really just a mind flex, trying to get writing again, and I found the IWM an emotive place as a subject.... I just didn't want to write a moody poem...

That said, I do think the ending is a little cheap... such is the way with poor comedic attempts! ;)

Tom
by TDF
Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blue
Replies: 10
Views: 818

Re: Blue

Hi Suzanne, Man, that's some stuff in there. I have to admit my fumblings at deciphering it's actual meaning are stumbling. It seems a mix of things to me. I'm getting the daydream, and the comparison of blue memories to the ultimate blue of the sky, I'm getting some obvious blue melancholy... but I...
by TDF
Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Friendship Deferred
Replies: 13
Views: 1098

Re: A Friendship Deferred

hi RP, I'm similar in feeling to Suzanne in that I felt it trailed off for me. That said, I do like the premise and the write for the most part. I think perhaps there is just too much here. You have some lovely phrases and such, but they just seem slightly diluted by the whole. I don't think S1 bene...
by TDF
Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Imperial War Museum
Replies: 16
Views: 1495

Imperial War Museum

Perhaps I'll start with the awesome wreck, the bloodrust carcass of an Iraqi car that some artist named Deller bought as 'art', and comment on life imitating... But I don't want a poem about that. So maybe I'll talk about the sign that tells ardent boys not to touch and not to climb on the shiny toy...
by TDF
Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Roofing
Replies: 22
Views: 1528

Re: Roofing

Tom, Is +1 a good score or bad? sorry, am I being a bit internetygeekyspeaky. +1 means "add my vote to the 'like it' column". I like the solitary nature of the sound, it's seems isolated, yet clear. I can imagine it almost echoing in the house that once echoed with the voices of the now departed. A...
by TDF
Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Roofing
Replies: 22
Views: 1528

Re: Roofing

Hi Suzanne,

+1 for 'plink'.

Nothing new to say really, better advice than mine has been offered already... But I did enjoy this.

Message here for me is: sometimes that roof gets too broke to fix, and a new start is in order...

Tom
by TDF
Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bear Innocence
Replies: 15
Views: 1300

Re: Bear Innocence

terriblefish wrote:Thanks, Lovely! But , that's just not how it went down,man...
Oh, so mummy swallows? Bet daddy is pleased. ;)

Fun little poem this... thanks for the chuckle.

Tom
by TDF
Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Better Half
Replies: 30
Views: 2592

Re: The Better Half

Hi tf, After my reply to Suzanne's poem about 'men' last week, I half expected to find myself writing a similar reply about the mundanity of man-bashing, but I couldn't help but enjoy the flow and the 'write' here. It's just fun to read. That said, I agree with previous comments made about the gener...
by TDF
Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Beach.
Replies: 4
Views: 600

Re: The Beech.

Hi BiB, Mixed reaction to this one if I'm honest. I like the sort of dreamy nature of the whole thing, and the imagery is clear, I can certainly picture the scene. However I think your forced rhyming and syllable count don't do this poem any real favours, other than making it fairly easy to read, as...
by TDF
Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Electricity or Insanity (was Song of Electricity)
Replies: 27
Views: 2046

Re: Electricity or Insanity (was Song of Electricity)

The re-write is massively different, and I can get the story much more clearly. Although I could put in a nit about forced rhyming still, the overall flow and change of pace negates this somewhat in the new version. I wish you'd left both versions up though, because you've done some much more advent...
by TDF
Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: van Gogh Gone - Version 2 - A re-Write
Replies: 12
Views: 1102

Re: van Gogh Gone

Hi John,

I find this one hard to read, it seems a little disjointed and cropped for my brain. There is some enjoyable uses of language and soforth, but I do have difficulty discerning the picture from the whole.

That said, I also have flu this week, so should probably be reading AA Milne.

Tom
by TDF
Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An online dating message to impress after initial contact.
Replies: 5
Views: 672

Re: An online dating message to impress after initial contac

I actually quite like this for it's simplicity. A brief encounter of mutually wanting strangers in an msn world... or am I being melodramatic ;) I think the interwebz would label this a "romance fail lulz", not the poem, the content that is. I do actually like the premise of looking for someone new,...
by TDF
Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Idiot
Replies: 25
Views: 1303

Re: The Idiot

Suzanne wrote:This is not going well for me. Lol.
Well something tells me you are sexually outnumbered here, so to speak!

I'm sure this would be lapped up by some of the women I know as gospel ;)

Tom